It’s no secret that the wedding industry is a highly profitable industry, and it’s more expensive than ever to host even a small wedding.
But since the pandemic, the prices of vendors and food have surged more than ever, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwR-7746 offered some money to his son and future daughter-in-law to fund their wedding, thinking the prices would be comparable to the time in which he got married.
When the couple discussed how to fund the rest of their wedding expenses, the Original Poster (OP) took it personally.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my son he and his fiancĂ©e are spoiled?”
The OP balked at the size of the budget for his son’s upcoming wedding.Â
“My (57 Male) son (23 Male) is engaged to Peggy (22 Female). They have been engaged for five months or so.”
“Our culture dictates that Peggyâs father and I share the costs of their wedding. He (her father) said we should provide $10k each, a total $20k budget.”
“I could afford this, sure, but this seems insane and extravagant to me. I said I would give $5k and he could give whatever he wanted. Peggyâs father also put up $5k.”
The OP’s son immediately started planning to fund the rest of the wedding.
“I told my son this and he told me outright it wasnât going to be enough. He said, ‘I donât mind, I figured that Peggy and I would have to pay for some of the wedding costs.'”
“I asked what he meant. He said that in no way would they be able to do their wedding for under $10k.”
“I said, ‘My own wedding, after haggling and deals, only came out to around $7k, so I do not think this is an issue.'”
“He argued against me and said that my wedding was 40 years ago and prices were different. He outlined some prices and said the cheapest venue he could find was $5k, and food alone was going to be $2,5k.”
The OP took this discussion personally.
“He again said he didnât mind and he thanked me for giving them money for the wedding, but I honestly felt hurt that he thought we were not giving enough.”
“I said, ‘How could food come out to 2500 dollars?'”
“He said that that was only around $25 per person.”
“I suggested ordering pizzas or sub sandwiches, but he looked at me like I was crazy.”
“I said, ‘Okay, well, we can just offer less for the photographer and decorator,’ and he said that isnât how things are done.”
“I said it is how things are done, and maybe if he and Peggy werenât so spoiled and expecting the best of the best for everything, then $10k would be plenty.”
“After I said this, he just closed his eyes and thanked me for the money and basically told me to get out.”
“I was complaining about this instance to my wife, and she told me I was being a stick in the mud and itâs his only wedding. My friends agree with me, though.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said weddings had become significantly more expensive since the pandemic alone.
“YTA. An average wedding these days is about $25k, depending on where you live.”
“Your son and future DIL arenât spoiled; they handled this gracefully by making it clear they donât mind paying for some of the wedding themselves and thanking you multiple times for contributing.”
“You calling them spoiled was out of line and you should apologize.” – Special-Respond7372
“YTA. First, give whatever you want, but then don’t get mad when your son tells you that he is going to then spend HIS OWN money for other parts of the wedding. You don’t get to decide how much their wedding should cost, you only get to decide how much you want to contribute.”
“Second, did you serve pizza and subs at your wedding? If the cultural aspect of paying is so important to you, what are the other cultural traditions of this wedding, and would your family and friends be good with pizza when you got married?”
“By the way, I’m down with pizza for a wedding, but you being very invested in one part of the cultural tradition of a wedding while thinking going cheap on other major parts is… interesting.”
“Third, no you don’t get to just pay vendors less.”
“And finally, do you really not realize that stuff costs more than 20 years ago? Your wedding cost $7k, and let’s say it was 24 years ago (your son is 23, so I’m going with you had your son after you were married).”
“Just by using the general US inflation calculator, $7k in the year 1999 would cost $13k in the current year. And that’s inflation, not buying power. If you go by buying power, it is easily over $20k to get the same thing you got for $7k decades ago. That’s such basic comprehension that things cost more than 24 years ago, I can’t believe you can’t apply common sense to this conversation.” – mfruitfly
“One word: INFLATION. Inflation! I swear the boomers forget that it exists. (Unless it suits them when they are complaining about what political party the current administration is.) Things aren’t the same now as they were 40 years ago.” – JekennaRogers
“YTA and so wildly out of touch. You evidently have no idea how things work now. Itâs the mentality of my grandparents, which is understandable as they are in their 90s. You really have no excuse.”
“Was your wedding also a pizza party?” – HeirOfRavenclaw
“I had to ask my mom for financial help, and she went off on me about how I should drop my mortgage, sell the house, and move to an apartment. Um. My mortgage has been cheaper than rent in my area since we bought the house six years ago… we had to lay out how much has really changed, and she still doesn’t get it.”
“OP, YTA. Weddings are expensive, and pizza? Are you nuts?” – spiffynid
“YTA. Dude, I too am 57 and know things from back then. Yes, things were cheaper then, BUT do you really think 10k today can buy what 10k bought 40 years ago? Obviously, you have a job and saved money, so it is inconceivable that you would try to compare 40 years ago prices to today’s. (In fact, adjusted for inflation since 1983, your $7500 would be today’s $22,975).”
“Your son thanked you and was appreciative (you’re projecting that he felt you were not giving enough because you knew you were being cheap compared to your future in-law) and communicated what he was going to do to make up the difference, and you pulled the I remember when it was a nickel when I was young line?!”
“Get ahold of your time, try not to be that old dude, and stop talking with those friends who either have not gotten the whole story or are too old to remember that Pinball is not the biggest game at the Arcade.” – catskillkid
“YTA. You spent $7K of your parents’ money when you got married 40 years ago. That would be about $25K today. $10K today would have been $2.8K when you got married. You are being a hypocrite.”
“You got the best of everything when you got married at your parents’ expense, but you expect your son and his fiancee to pay for over half the wedding to get an equivalent celebration.” – Biteme75
Others pointed out that the groom had not done anything inappropriate or disrespectful.
“Yes, YTA. He thanked you for the money and is planning on paying for the rest. How they spend their money isn’t your business. Can you seriously not envision that prices have increased over several decades?” – Allaboutbird
“YTA. $7,000 in 1983 is about $24.5k now, so by your logic, you should be giving him $12k, not $5k or $10k.”
“Obviously, you aren’t obligated to give him any money, but he kindly accepted the $5k you offered and you had no place to then berate him about how he was overspending, and you have no reason to ‘feel hurt’ over this.” – poeadam
“YTA. Your son was incredibly gracious, but you had to keep pushing. He even thanked you.”
“Do you pay the same price for gas, food, clothes, etc., like 40 years ago?”
“Do you live under a rock?” – completedett
“YTA. He was respectful and thankful. He explained why 10K would not go far for a wedding at today’s prices. Your response was to suggest pizza and subs (at a wedding, for f**k’s sake) and insult him and his fiancee. Your son is a far better man than you.” – Throwawayforrbn
“YTA. Not for deciding that all you want to give was 5k… That’s fine.”
“YTA for not believing (with inflation) that a wedding could cost 20k just because yours cost 7k FORTY YEARS ago. And then to keep questioning him like he was lying.”
“Why don’t you get a quote for a basic wedding from a wedding coordinator? You’ll be shocked that throwing a wedding for 10k is on the cheaper side, cutting a ton of corners.”
“He said thanks, he appreciates it, and will put his own money in. End of.” – throwzzzzzzzzzz
The subReddit could not stop shaking their collective heads over how the OP was looking at this situation and how he responded to his entirely respectful son. Not only had his son been grateful for the OP’s financial gift, but he was also making plans for how he could fund the rest of his wedding.
If his son had complained about the costs, the OP might have something to complain about, but with a grateful son and a clearly out-of-touch financial attitude, it might be better for the OP to sit the wedding planning out and simply attend the day of.