There are certain life events where the spotlight is destined to shine in one direction.
Other parties are meant to celebrate many people and many things all at once.
But certain moments are singular.
Birthdays, graduations, births, award wins, etc.
One of the main events that fall into the ‘focused spotlight’ category is weddings.
That day is about two people starting their new lives as one.
It’s special. It’s meant to be the only wedding day they get.
But for some reason, certain people just can’t help but feel the need to hijack the moment.
Case in point…
Redditor Daquii wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for firing my brother after he proposed at my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So a bit of background.”
“I own a plumbing company and hired my brother three years ago.”
“He was jobless after the pandemic, and I offered for him to come to work for me.”
“He was 22 at the time and is now looking to become a master plumber and start his own business.”
“At my wedding, in which he was the best man, he decided that during his speech, he would give us all a big surprise and decided to propose to his long-time girlfriend.”
“Me and my wife were appalled.”
“We both feel like he stole the shine from our day.”
“Everyone else in our families was so excited and kept taking pictures with her, looking at the ring, etc.”
“I decided to fire him the very next day.”
“He still doesn’t understand why.”
“He claims I’m being selfish and irrational, and our parents agree.”
“They’re saying that ‘business should be separate from our personal lives.'”
“But I just can’t overlook what he did and how he ruined our day.”
“Am I overthinking this??”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA… this case can’t separate family and business because you only offered the job because he was family.”
“I would tell him that he can have the job back after he pays for half of the reception since he turned it into a combination wedding reception and engagement party.” ~ Fabulous_Egg_7603
“Agreed, he owes you an apology as well.”
“How does he not see that he made you and your wife’s day about himself?”
“NTA, I hope that you show him this post.” ~ CurlyGurl_Bee409
“Time to announce a pregnancy at his wedding! NTA.” ~ erbear048
“This is the only acceptable answer.”
“Your brother is an a**.”
“Sorry to you and your wife. NTA.” ~ wylietrix
“I’d answer to the parents: Dear mother and father, If I can’t trust my brother to behave decently at a very important personal event, how could I trust him in day-to-day work matters?”
“His lack of brotherly propriety shows an unacceptable flaw of character for the workplace.”
“Well, with your own words of course.” ~ Chantelauve
“I love this.”
“What he did was such an AH move and it’s common sense to not do this. NTA.” ~ FancyPantsDancer
“Also, it’s lazy as hell.”
“If my husband proposed at someone else’s wedding I would be pissed.”
“That says to the girlfriend, I care so little that I can’t even be bothered to do something special just for you, Instead I’m going to use this party because I’m lazy.” ~ bojenny
“Boss and brother, that’s like a double slap in the face.”
“The worst part is that he should have asked if it was okay to do, and all of this would have been avoided.”
“Poor communication skills are a bad quality in a family and employee.” ~ Galeas304
“Hijacking top post to say that OP’s question is probably better placed in a legal help forum or something.”
“We wouldn’t want to accidentally give him advice that could get him sued since they’re brothers but also they are boss and employee.”
“NTA or AH doesn’t matter if it breaks the law in the US, and do we know what country OP is from?” ~ WelpOopsOhno
“I was first going to say YTA because I thought he mixed a familiar relationship and a working relationship but honestly he should’ve at least had the decency to inform op first.”
“Actually I don’t get the thing with proposing at others’ weddings but am not against it as I’ve seen many beautiful proposals where the bride gave her bouquet specifically to someone.”
“Back on topic, I 100 agree with you that he should pay for half of the reception since he basically had a party he paid nothing for.” ~ Pissy-chamber
OP had a little more info…
“I should have mentioned this, but he will be getting severance.”
“He is still my brother, and I wouldn’t let him lose his home over this.”
“But as a small business, I can’t imagine seeing him every day at work.”
“Not now at least.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA. Seriously how many times does it have to be pointed out to people that you don’t propose at another person’s wedding?”
“It’s lame, tacky, and disrespectful to the couple who wanted you to share in THEIR special day; not share their special day with you.” ~ RepresentativeOk5968
“I was a groomsman once at one of my best friends’ wedding. They ended up picking my birthday for their day.”
“I never brought it up, but after they cut the cake, they brought out a birthday cake for me.”
“Seriously, best dude I have ever known.”
“He passed away in a car accident a couple of years after getting married at 25.”
“Ended up filling a two thousand person church to standing room only at his funeral.”
“Anyhow, sorry for the rant. Just brought up a memory.” ~ kornbread435
“’Not a good fit’ and having poor judgment are plenty of reasons to fire him.”
“He is doing the brother a favor by letting him work at his business.”
“He did not hire him because he was a great candidate. He was hired because he was his brother.”
“And if he can’t show respect for his brother/boss on the most important day of his life, I fail to see why he should continue doing favors for him.” ~ 4_spotted_zebras
“That’s just how it works in construction. It’s like Jedi.”
“A master and apprentice, eventually the apprentice moves on.”
“It’s not malice, it’s just life.”
“If this was the real reason OP fired his brother, then he is an AH.”
“If it was truly for the wedding fiasco, then less of an AH but still a poor business decision.” ~ pickledlandon
“Wouldn’t stand up at tribunal if this was a corporate company in the UK.”
“Obviously don’t know where OP is based and the laws of the country/state, but if lawyers got involved, I’m not sure he’d fare too well.”
“OP would get done for wrongful dismissal.”
“So OP is TA for firing his brother for a non-firable offense.”
“The brother is TA for proposing at OP’s wedding. ESH.” ~ Enough-Pizza-448
“But he didn’t just ‘propose to his GF.'”
“He took a moment where they were supposed to be celebrating the new couple.”
“A moment they will only have ONCE in their life, and a moment where he was supposed to be toasting them and said ‘Wedding? No one cares about that, right?'”
“‘Who cares about those two over there??? Look at ME and MY proposal!'”
“‘This isn’t a wedding reception anymore, it’s MY engagement party!!! YEAHHH!!!!!'”
“That’s not proposing.”
“If you ruin someone’s wedding, ON PURPOSE, that’s a fireable offense.”
“I’m voting ESH.”
“You do have a point. It might be a slight overreaction.”
“But then again, he was at his boss’s wedding, and he screwed it up.”
“Wouldn’t you expect to be fired if you INTENTIONALLY screwed up your boss’s wedding?”
“It’s not work-related directly, but I’m pretty sure we’d all expect to be fired if we were the ones that screwed over our boss like that, even if it was a non-work event.” ~ BigMax
“Particularly egregious behavior outside of work still reflects poorly on the workplace and are fireable offenses as a result.”
“I’d argue going out of his way to ruin his boss’s wedding would qualify that the boss either fires him or lets him rug sweep unacceptable behavior.”
“His lack of character means he’s not the kind of person a great many people would be comfortable letting inside the house.”
“And they’re less likely to use a company with him on the payroll because if the boss lets him get away with that, what else will he let them get away with.” ~ J_Lynn_Official
“Again, NTA… your brother has also made it known that he plans to start his own business.”
“A competing business, so that’s even more grounds for letting him go.”
“OP, you are making the right and smart decision here.” ~ Lucky_Side_5115
OP had an update…
“I reached out to him, and we plan on speaking later today in person.”
“I love all of the people who say, ‘You’ve been looking for a reason to fire him,’ or ‘You’re just jealous.'”
“He was my best man.”
“I never felt upset about him opening his own business. In fact, he has my complete blessing.”
“This job was only supposed to be to get him on his feet again.”
“I’m so happy he liked the field and wants to go further in it.”
“There was no malice before this incident.”
“I wouldn’t speak poorly if a potential employer asked me about him.”
“I would be honest about his work.”
“But what he did shows me a lack of maturity and has caused me to lack of trust.”
“Not good qualities for an employee.”
“I get it was ‘off the clock,’ but you can’t insult your boss off the clock and expect to have no consequences.”
“We are a small business (5 employees, now 4), and I oversee everyone.”
“He will be able to find work elsewhere in the area.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Whether one is family or not, there are consequences to actions.
That was YOUR day.
It’s understandable that you’d be upset.
It sounds like you’re willing to come to the table and maybe mend some fences.
Do what’s best for you.
That announcing a pregnancy at their wedding idea could be fun, though.