Redditor bridezilla13 is about to be married and found that the big event was about to be hijacked by his brother, who clearly didn’t seem to understand the concept that there are times and places for things.
The groom put his foot down after his brother overstepped a boundary, and the resulting backlash from the family consequently led him to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to ask:
“AITA for threatening to ban my brother from my wedding because he plans on proposing to his girlfriend during the reception?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained how the sibling conflict began.
“I (25 M[ale]) am getting married in December. My fiancée (24 F[emale]) and I both are very excited and busy planning, and this incident is making things much more stressful.”
“A couple weeks ago I was talking about the wedding with my brother (30 M[ale]) and he asked if it’d be okay for him to propose to his girlfriend at our wedding. I laughed and said ‘Yeah, sure, if you want to get your a** handed to you by my fiancée.'”
“He laughed, and I figured he got the message.”
“The other day my fiancée came to me, in tears, saying that my brother had called her and thanked her for letting him propose at the wedding. She told him that had never happened, and he wasn’t allowed to do that, and he just laughed and thanked her again.”
“I called my brother back and asked him what was going on. He’s insisting that he’s going to propose to his girlfriend at the wedding.”
“He claims it’s ‘getting even’ for when I announced our engagement at the same family dinner he brought his girlfriend to meet the family (I had no idea, they arrived separately and she got there after I had made the announcement).”
“I told him if he doesn’t get it through his head that he is absolutely not allowed to propose, both him and his girlfriend won’t be allowed into the wedding at all, and if he tries to pull a stunt, he’ll be kicked out immediately.”
“He didn’t take it well and told the whole family. My fiancée and I have been getting calls and messages from them telling us how sh**ty we are for doing that, how dare I turn my back on my brother.”
“He’s also now blaming me for spoiling the proposal to his girlfriend and the family, because if I hadn’t been ‘such an a**,’ he wouldn’t have had to break the news to the family like this.”
“I still stand by what I did, I don’t think I was out of line at all, but my fiancée thinks we should have just let him propose to avoid conflict.”
“I know it means a lot to her that everyone gets along and that there’s no hard feelings, especially since she’s feeling stressed as is, but I don’t want to give in to my brother.”
In an update, the OP shared his retaliatory plans.
“To address something: while I understand the intent behind the suggestions, my fiancée and I will not be telling my brother that we’ll announce a pregnancy at his wedding in retaliation. We are unable to conceive and this is a sore subject to us.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors came in support of Team Groom.
“NTA, it’s your wedding. Besides, proposing at a wedding is super awkward.”
“Like. The wedding is about the couple, not someone who’s going to be getting married in the future.” – Lunararchon
“And they both clearly said no. If he can’t respect that simple of boundaries then he’s not going to make good husband material.”
“NTA, it’s your special day and one that is going to be filled with good memories for you. Don’t let your brother spoil that day for you and your SO.” – DecentDiscussion7
“NTA. Nope. You asked him not to do it and he said he would anyway.”
“Easy answer. Sucks that he’s doing this, but this is on him.”
“Even if you had seriously wronged him in the past that wouldn’t excuse new premeditated bad behavior.” – possiblyaqueen
“Him asking permission is ok, NAH, him insisting is borderline AH, but getting the family to hassle you (for lack of better word) is the killing move.” – junkcrapdoll2
“Also it’s not just his family and friends there, it’s also hers and they aren’t there to watch someone they neither know of care about get married.”
“Proposing at someone else’s wedding should be considered social terrorism.” – Improbablyfromhell
Some Redditors suspected the marriage of the OP’s brother might be doomed from the start.
“Plus, a marriage that starts with a revenge proposal probably isn’t going to last.”
“If he feels like he needs to one-up his brother, he can’t be that secure or happy in his own relationship.” – MightyRacoon98
“His proposal is being done for spite…that’s a great way to start a marriage.” – wrosmer
“Yeah. Is there some reason why brother can’t propose even just a week before or even after OP’s wedding? Like there’s no reason to do it at the wedding. NTA.” – Jroostah
“Also, if my husband had proposed to me at someone else’s wedding reception I’d have known for sure that he wasn’t someone I’d want to marry.” – Crafty_Birdie
The Reddit jury has spoken. No one likes wedding hijackers.