Redditor Ordinary_Reserve_949 is the youngest of six. They get along with three of their older brothers, but have a strained relationship with the other two.
One of the Original Poster’s (OP’s) brothers is getting married. Unfortunately for the OP, it’s one of the brothers with whom they have a complicated relationship.
This complication has led the OP’s brother to exclude them from the wedding completely. No invitation. Nothing.
After years of mistreatment from their brother, the OP spoke up about not being included. This caused drama within the family, ultimately leading the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
They asked:
“AITA for ‘turning’ the family against one of my brothers because he doesn’t want me at his wedding?”
They went on to tell their story.
“I’m [19-years-old] the youngest in the family and I have 5 older brothers. Theres a big age difference between my brothers, and I.”
“We’ve never been close but I get along with 3 out of my 5 brothers.”
“I don’t know the 2 don’t like me, they just don’t. One of them who I’ll call Levi would verbally abuse every chance he got (I was 15, and he was 25), I needed, and still am in therapy.”
“He stopped but blamed it all on his struggles. He hasn’t apologized, and clearly still hates me.”
“The other who i’ll call Zane made it clear he wants nothing to do with me, he hasn’t said anything but he acts different every time i’m around him.”
“Neither of them have gone to birthdays, sports events, or even my graduation.”
“The graduation part was a big deal in my family, but my parents said they don’t have to be in my life if they don’t want to. Everyone eventually forgot about it.”
“So heres the problem: Zane is getting married soon. Everyone in the family is invited but me. I want to go to his wedding. I don’t hate Zane, and I’d like to get closer to him one day”
“So I asked him why I wasn’t invited, which he ignored. I’ll admit I kept bothering him on why I wasn’t invited, and why he hated me so much.”
“I guess I made him snap because he sent me a bunch of hateful messages.”
“I was upset, and talked to a friend, and she told me I should talk to my brothers. So I did, and showed them the texts.”
“Levi sided with Zane, however the other 3 aren’t happy and they’re thinking of not attending the wedding.”
“Zane is upset at this, and he called me saying I was trying to ruin his wedding, turn his brothers against him, and that I can’t accept rejection.”
“My parents aren’t happy with Zane, but don’t think my brothers should withdraw from the wedding.”
“AITA?”
“EDIT: The triplets are the oldest, and then Zane, and then Levi.”
“They’re close in age. Levi and I didn’t have a relationship because of our 10 year age gap, and when he moved out at 18 he went through some stuff and treated everyone like crap.”
“He didn’t get therapy until he was 26, and he contacted us again at 27. He has a strained relationship with everyone.”
“For Zane most of his messages were just hateful, but some of the reasons why he doesn’t like me was because he found me annoying (mainly me asking him why I wasn’t invited)…”
“…and that he wasn’t able to spend time with the triplets because most times I was there, and they had to change what they wanted to do because I was kid, and they were adults.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were bamboozled on this one.
“There has to be missing info here. This doesn’t make any sense. INFO, OP?” – lihzee
“Info: why do you think Zane doesn’t like you or want you at his wedding? I have a hard time buying the,’I don’t know why they don’t like me’ line.” – pigeon888
“This is my issue, there has to be something. What is the age difference? Parents?”
“Were they neglected because of you at any time? Are you the golden child? I also don’t see if you are the little brother or little sister.”
“Are you a result of an affair? I’m just trying to understand why your two oldest brothers don’t like you.” – No_Mathematician2482
“YTA”
“I’m going with this because you left out a lot of pertinent info that a lot of people are asking for, but it’s like you are deliberately avoiding why they don’t like you.”
“There is absolutely NO WAY you have no idea, or why your mom would side with Zane. This is a sh*tshow and I hope it’s a fake post” – JackedLilJill
“Info: Why do they hate just you specifically? I don’t buy that there’s absolutely no reason at all for that. I’m not saying it’s your fault, but there has to be more than ‘they just don’t’.” – jkshfjlsksha
“You say your parents aren’t happy with Zane, who didn’t invite you to his wedding. But now they are mad at him for his hateful texts? What did they say when they found out you weren’t invited?”
“This is a strange situation and I feel like I’m missing something.” – 13auricles
“NTA”
“Zane is a dick – thats why your brothers aren’t going..”
“I do get the feeling that either your parents or your brothers know the real reason zane hates you…”
“Last post with these same vibes ended when the one in your shoes learned she was the result of an affair..”
“Not saying thats the case here, just seems odd he hates you, and your parents just accept this…” – clearheaded01
“It’s hard to make a judgment when you left out info. What did the hateful texts say? Did he explain why he dislikes you in those texts?”
“Why do you even want to go to the wedding when you had to push for an invite?” – mehlol42
“Y’all, the triplets- who are older than OP- are half siblings to OP and the two oldest brothers (Zane/Levi).”
“Theories:”
- “the triplets were born from IVF (one of the parents was deemed infertile?), weren’t planned to be triplets, but they all came at once so fine, so the older two dealt”
- “the triplets are affair babies”
- “one of the parents broke up, remarried, resettled with Zane & Levi, then that parent cheated with their original partner (producing OP), and they had to uproot that living arrangement”
- “OP was an absolute oops baby that became the complete focus of both parents while the rest were entering their teen years, parentified the older kids…”“but OP doesn’t know/care bc the attention benefited him”
“Well, OP, am I close??”
“(No judgement bc there’s far too little context to judge)” – TheDaymanALSOCameth
“YTA. Mainly because you’re not replying to most questions asking for clarification on here, and the answers you did give are vague.”
“Unless you’re gonna stop leaving out so much, it seems the safest to assume you did some sh*t and are now hiding it.” – diamocube
“There’s a *lot* of missing info/missing reasons here, but based on what’s been shared in the post…”
“‘Zane is getting married soon. Everyone in the family is invited but me.’”
“That’s not your call. Sucks, but not your decision. It’s Zane’s and their partner.”
“‘I want to go to his wedding.’”
“Zane doesn’t want you there.”
“‘I don’t hate Zane, and I’d like to get closer to him one day.’”
“Again, all you can do is extend a hand, and Hope that Zane reciprocates your desire to get closer. Right now that seems to be a big NOPE.”
“‘I’ll admit I kept bothering him on why I wasn’t invited,’”
“Bad move to harass someone who already let you know they don’t want you around for a critical event in their life. At this point, what happened is you firmly moved into the realm of YTA.”
“‘and he called me saying I was trying to ruin his wedding, turn his brothers against him, and that I can’t accept rejection.’”
“All that seems to be true…especially the ‘can’t accept rejection’ part.”
“I think you’re an unreliable narrator who may be in emotional pain, but you’re also the aggressor attempting to sow chaos for reasons of … revenge?”
“Petty? Justified fury? Who knows, since it’s clear you’re not being completely open in your post. Your leaking pain is clear. Everything else is not.”
“But if your goal was to fracture the family over this wedding to Get Back At Zane/All Of Them (including your parents)?”
“You have so far succeeded *if* your claim that three of your brothers are rethinking their attendance at the wedding.” – GeekyStitcher
“This may be a controversial take, but YTA.”
“You know he doesn’t like you and doesn’t want a relationship with you. You know you aren’t wanted at the wedding. I don’t know why. Maybe he has a good reason, maybe he doesn’t.”
“But you need to get it through your head he doesn’t want a relationship and to leave him in peace.”
“Obviously you don’t have to hide the fact he didn’t invite you from your family, but you shouldn’t have nagged him about it. Let him go his own way and gracefully accept that.“ – QuesoDelDiablos
Without more info from the OP, it’s hard to judge this one.
Nevertheless, we hope that the family conflict can be resolved.