All brides and grooms want their weddings to be perfect.
Particularly so they can look back on their wedding albums and fondly remember what should have been the happiest day of their lives.
With this in mind, many soon-to-be married couples will go to painstaking lengths to ensure everything about their wedding is picture-perfect.
Including Redditor SlightRow3100, who was less than thrilled that their fiancé would have a medical accessory of sorts in addition to their wedding attire.
Fearing it would ruin the pictures, the original poster (OP), came up with a solution that they felt would ensure their wedding pictures wouldn't be ruined.
A solution that did not sit well with the OP's fiancé one bit.
Worried they were being insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for wanting to postpone my wedding till my fiancé gets rid of his braces?"
The OP shared why they feared their fiancé would ruin their wedding album and what they thought would be the best solution.
"My fiancé (25 M[ale]) has braces."
"He refused to get them when he was a child/teen cause he feared people would make fun of him, but he finally accepted to get them after the dentists told him clearly that it wouldn't be recommended to replace his extracted teeth till he fixes his crooked ones."
"The issue is that our wedding was supposed to be coming up soon, but now I plan to postpone till my fiancé gets rid of his braces."
"I have nothing against him wearing braces."
"I even encouraged him to get them to finally fix his bad teeth, but did you ever see of a groom wearing braces in his wedding photos?"
"I don't think so."
"I thought my fiancé would be understanding, but instead he got mad at me and accused me of being ashamed of him."
"That's obviously not true, I just want our wedding photos to be as aesthetically pleasing as possible, and that's why I want to postpone our wedding till his braces come off."
"I also told him he could've avoided all this if he got invisible braces, but he said these were much more expensive and wanted to save money specifically for our wedding and honeymoon and didn't think his fiancee would be so shallow to care about it."
"He ended up saying that if I postpone the wedding now I might as well just call it off altogether, which I think is incredibly unfair of him to do, but maybe I should've insisted on this issue either."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP received little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who agreed they would definitely be the a**hole if they postponed the wedding till their fiancé removed his braces.
Everyone agreed that the OP was badly overreacting, with many pointing out how they were being particularly insensitive as they knew how self-conscious their fiancé was about their teeth.
"YTA because you are prioritizing your wedding photos over everything else."
"Over your fiancee's feelings, over your marriage, over the wedding itself."
"If the photos are the most important thing to you, I hope your fiancé reconsiders what he's getting into."- 21stCenturyJanes
"I can´t believe this."
"YTA."- Outrageous-Elf
"So he didn't get braces when he was younger because he was afraid of what people would say."
"And now you, his fiancé, are confirming his fears."
"Wow."
"YTA."- Beck2010
"YTA."
"Even for kids and ESPECIALLY for adults, braces HURT."
"So you encouraged him to get them, but then you're ashamed to be seen with him while wearing them."
"You are LITERALLY the epitome of why he didn't get them in high school."- Adahla987
"YTA."
"That is a mighty shallow viewpoint."- BrilliantEmphasis862
"Honestly, if he's happy to go ahead, YTA."
"Your wedding isn't supposed to be a photo shoot, the photos are just supposed to be a reminder of the day, you know?"
"And he DOES have braces right now, and you love him and want to marry him right now - so is it really reasonable to put your lives on hold until you prefer how he looks?"
"When you're old and looking back at the pictures, I'm sure a couple of extra years worth of your marriage will seem WAY more valuable than the photos being aesthetically pleasing."
"Why not get a photoshoot done once he gets them off, so you have some braces-free photos as well?"- aitchbee
"He should postpone the wedding until you mature."
"YTA."- hobosbindle
"Guy: I don't want braces, I'm afraid people will ridicule me!"
"Dentist: your teeth will go bad."
"Guy: OK, I'll get braces."
"Woman: Urgh, I won't marry you as long as you're looking like that!"
"Lady, you are prioritizing pretty pictures over getting married."
"YTA."- Infamous_Control_778
"What a dumb hill to die on."
"He's fixing his teeth."
"That sh*t wasn't cheap and, as someone that had them, the maintenance is a PitA, they're uncomfortable, and having them installed takes forever."
"So you want to postpone the wedding so that he doesn't look like crap, OR to have them removed, have your precious picture, and then have him go through with the procedure of reinstalling them?"
"That sh*t's expensive."
"He could have avoided this by not proposing to a shallow person."
"YTA."- KronkLaSworda
"YTA."
"That is, what will be the wedding photos, more important than the relationship with him?"-Zhansaya18
"So you do have something against him wearing braces."
"Hopefully the message gets across to him, and he calls the wedding off."
"YTA."- I_DONT_WANT_TO_POST
"YTA."
"I wouldn't marry you."- AllThoseRedFlags
"You ever hear of a bride who cares more about her pictures than her future husband? Not in lasting marriages?"- RitaFaye88
"You want your photos to be 'aesthetically pleasing as possible' so you don't want the braces, but that essentially means you don't find him 'aesthetically pleasing' right now which is, of course, hurtful."
"How about focusing less on superficial BS and just focus on capturing a happy day with the person you love however they look right now?"- Stranger0nReddit
"YTA."
"It sounds like you're, in fact, ashamed of him wearing braces."
"Honestly, you either love and appreciate him the way he is at ANY state or you don't at all."
"Postponing a marriage because of it is petty and superficial, and he'll do good when he calls it off altogether."
"Imagine if he did something like this to you."- realstareyes
"YTA."
"Forget about your 'aesthetically pleasing' photos."
"What isn't pleasing about a photo of your fiance as he is?"
"You love him enough to marry him, but do you accept him as he is?"
"Aren't you glad he wanted to save money for the sake of your wedding and honeymoon expenses?"
"It is 'obviously not true' that you are ashamed of him?"
"Um, there is nothing obvious at all about that."
"'Did you ever saw of a groom wearing braces at his wedding photos?'"
"'I don't think so'."
"So what?"
"So your pictures will be the first."
"Think about having fun, looking back on your wedding, laughing about his wearing braces."
"I think things like that - unusual stuff - make weddings more fun and memorable."
"'Perfect weddings' are boring."
"Again, let me say: If you love him, this should not matter."
"He has every right to question the idea of your marriage altogether."
"I hope you come to your senses."- barskin
There were a select few, however, who did sympathize with the OP, even if they still didn't think they handled it as well as they could have.
"Hmm."
"When I first read this, I thought NTA, but then again that's because I would want to postpone myself if I had braces."
"I don't care to remember having them, I don't know about anyone else."
"But it sounds like this was something your partner was already insecure about, and moving an already booked wedding day due to braces means having to tell people his wedding is postponed due to having braces."
"It draws more attention to the fact he has to wear them, and I'm sure that has devastated him."
"I think ESH because this could have been a calm discussion instead of blowing up, but I think you should have asked him and made it about how he feels (since if he hates them that much it would make sense for HIM to not want them in the photos)."
"You making that decision for him probably really hurt, but he also could have explained that."
"You guys should really be able to have this kind of conversation since you're getting married."-ecclecticmess
The OP should truly take one thing into consideration, which is how much they want to marry their fiancé.
If the answer is not enough to have braces in their wedding photos, then perhaps they should really question whether or not they should be getting married at all.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.