Weddings are often full of tradition and special requests.
Some special requests bring that little extra touch of joy to the occasion.
But sometimes miscommunication can cause a lot of chaos for the happy day.
Once feelings are hurt, the glow begins to fade.
Now everyone may have to attend an event together with hard feelings.
Or skip the moment altogether.
Redditor Human_Hearing_992 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for taking back my request for my mom to walk me down the aisle?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So my fiancée and I thought it would be sweet if we were both walked down the aisle by our parents at our wedding.”
“For her, that’s both her moms and for me, that’s my mom.”
“I lost my dad 11 years ago when I was 14.”
“My mom was thrilled when I asked her and told me she was so excited to walk her baby boy down the aisle.”
“The problem came in when she told her husband that I wanted them to walk me down the aisle.”
“Not just her like I explicitly stated.”
“But she and her husband, who has never been my parental figure and only came into my life as an adult.”
“He was excited about the prospect as well and he called me up and told me he was glad I was finally letting him step into the role of father figure because he always wanted kids and he was proud to have a son.”
“I had no idea where this came out of, so I asked what he meant, and he said the fact I wanted my mom and him to walk me down the aisle meant I was embracing him as a parent, too.
“I told him I had not asked for both of them.”
“I asked just my mom.”
“He acted like I never spoke.”
“So I called my mom and asked where he got the idea. I had asked him, and she told me she hadn’t seen it as a big deal because they’re married and he’s a good man.”
“And surely I’ll want him to be a grandpa to my future kids, so including him in this shouldn’t be such a big deal.”
“I told her it was a big deal because he is not my parent and if anyone was going to be walking with us it would be Dad, but he’s not here and because he’s not here I don’t want anyone else.”
“I told her she needed to clear things up with her husband and she told me no.”
“She said she would not crush him and I could man up and allow him the joy of experiencing this with us.”
“I told her I was not going to walk with the two of them.”
“She told me it was too late to back out now and what harm would it do.”
“She told me it would crush him to have it taken back.”
“I told her he blatantly ignored me when I already told him, and she defended it, saying he was excited and wanted to be included.”
“I told her I wouldn’t walk with her if she didn’t fix this and she told me I had to walk with her, I already asked and she already accepted.”
“Which is when I told her if that was her stance, then I was taking back the offer for her, and she could figure out what to tell the man she married.”
“All hell broke loose when I told my mom this, and she told me I was behaving like a child and excluding a good man for no good reason, as well as punishing her for trying to be a good wife.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. You offered a sweet gesture, and she completely f**ked it up.”
“Does she try to override your wishes on a lot of things, or just in regard to her husband?”
“Is she going to create a bunch of drama at the wedding now?” ~ NapalmAxolotl
“Drop her a note that says…”
“Dear Mom, I was obviously hurt and disappointed when you chose not to walk me up the aisle without your husband– but I accept and respect your choice and will not attempt to pressure you into changing your mind.”
“Fiancée and I thought it would be a sweet moment to walk up the aisle with our parents– but since you don’t wish to participate, we’re just going to go the traditional route of the groom meeting the bride at the altar.”
“Don’t allow her to bring up the subject again. NTA” ~ celticmusebooks
“This is perfect for your mom.”
“If you’re feeling super magnanimous, you could include a note for her husband saying…”
“Dear [Name], I really appreciate your kind words about growing closer as a family and that my mom has someone she loves so much.”
“However, since you and I have only known each other as adults, I asked Mom to walk me down the aisle solo, but of course, I respect her decision to decline.”
“Fiancée and I are looking forward to celebrating with you both on the big day and at all the family milestones to come.” ~ juniper4774
“I love these suggested replies, and the one to her husband is particularly kind and mature and inclusive.”
“I really hope OP considers sending it.”
“It will also go a long way toward shutting down his mother’s rash behavior, which ultimately hurt OP and her current husband.”
“Her current husband does seem genuine about wanting a relationship with you – so this letter acknowledges this in a nice way and would allow it to happen, but on YOUR terms.” ~ Akitapal
“OP, I think it’s more serious than just walking you down the aisle, she’s already got him being granddad to your future kids.”
“Does this also mean she wants him listed as the Father of the groom in the programs? What other things will he expect now?”
“Especially since your mom seems willing to just let him do what he wants.”
“I’m afraid this has opened a door that going to be tough to close.” ~ Vegetable-Cod-2340
“NTA – I think just be very firm with her regarding your decision.”
“Sometimes moms, no matter how much they love you, don’t fully accept that their child is no longer someone they need to take care of; she doesn’t get that she doesn’t always know what’s best for you anymore.”
“Don’t allow for any discussions regarding this.”
“Even the best of mothers can DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender).”
“You know what you want and don’t want.”
“And you do NOT want to remember your wedding day as a day you had to settle and make someone else happy at your expense.”
“I hope your mom is able to see your side of things and doesn’t try to make you feel guilty.”
“Best of luck!!” ~ Few_Throat4510
“NTA. He wants to be included.”
“It’s a wedding, not elementary school.”
“It’s your wedding your choice.”
“She had absolutely no right to include him.”
“You asked her, not him.”
“Stick to your guns.”
“If anyone asks tell them the whole truth.”
“She’s done this to herself.” ~ Vandreeson
“NTA—OP, it doesn’t sound like your mom or her husband care what you say.”
“They are still going to try to walk with you on your big day, and it’s going to be awkward as hell.”
“Your mother will cry in front of everyone to get you to keep the peace.”
“Hire security. Good luck man.” ~ _A-Q
“Oh, hell no. NTA!”
“I lost my mother when I was 14 to cancer.”
“My dad has remarried, and I don’t have a close relationship with her.”
“I get a lot of flack for it, but I stand my own, and I don’t let her cross the lines.”
“I don’t let my dad cross the lines either.”
“Do NOT let your mom and stepdad cross your boundaries.”
“It’s not good.”
“Your stepdad and mom need to accept the fact that you had your dad, a man you loved, and that he is no longer here.”
“Here’s an idea for your wedding.”
“Set a picture of your dad in a chair or on the table where you and your wife-to-be will sit at the reception.”
“My sister did that at her wedding to honor our mother.”
“Her husband did the same for his grandmother.”
“It was very cute.”
“Your wife can set a picture of someone she wants to honor as well.” ~ Ennardinthevents
“It’s so odd that her concern was to be ‘a good wife’ when this whole situation has nothing to do with her.”
“This is your day, you have every right to want what you asked for.”
“It’s extremely childish to demand what THEY want, any gracious adult would understand your feelings and back off.”
“They both seem incredibly selfish!”
“I wonder if she has something to prove to him, since they both ignored you, and WORSE tried to insist why you’re wrong and how they would choose to force you into this situation you specifically said you didn’t want.”
“Don’t feel bad, NTA, don’t let them bully or gaslight you.”
“I don’t know why they want to force you to make him feel like a father all of a sudden, if it isn’t genuine, why would they want it, very self-serving.” ~ chocolatfortuncookie
“So your mother decided all on her own to force her husband into a parental relationship with you without asking or consulting you, and is now acting like you have no choice but to go along with it?”
“So NTA and you should start mentally preparing yourself to uninvite them both and, depending on the level of drama your mother is capable of, putting passwords on vendors and talking with the venue about security.” ~ Abstruse
“NTA. Your mom is being manipulative.”
“There are lots of good men around, some of which will probably be guests at your wedding, none of which will be walking you down the aisle because they are not your parent.”
“Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.” ~ Icy_Department_1423
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. It’s your happy day.
Your Mom and stepdad are going to have to accept what you offer.
Good luck and congratulations.