Surprises can be fun.
A surprise party, a surprise twenty in your pocket, a surprise visit….
What happens when, rather than fun, a surprise brings turmoil to a family eager to celebrate?
This was the problem that brought Redditor and Original Poster (OP) weddinganon1 to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subreddit in need of clarity.
“AITA for stealing my sister’s dream wedding?”
First, the history.
“My (26-Male) sister (28-Female) went to school in a town that is a popular destination for some of the people in our area. Because of this, our parents bought a condo nearby.”
“There is a hotel there that is known for weddings. We would visit this hotel frequently and eventually became fond of the place.”
“I had never considered getting married there until I brought my now fiancé (25F) there on vacation for the first time three years ago.”
“We would look at the rooms and talk about the idea of one day maybe being able to get married there.”
“I also knew my sister liked the place as well, but she had never expressed any desire to get married there from my knowledge.”
OP then led into the problem.
“Fast forward to this past October and my sister became engaged to her now fiancé (28M). They ended up planning a wedding at a beautiful venue in the city next to us.”
“After their plans were solidified, I proposed to my fiancé in May.”
“We looked at a few places for venues but ended up exploring the hotel that we knew about from our vacations.”
“We did our research, bargained with vendors, and scheduled a trip to visit with our parents to finalize the deal in person.”
Everything was coming along nicely, until…
“Then out of the blue, my sister had a complete meltdown.”
“She came to my mom and told her that she wants to stop us from getting married there.”
“She claims this has been her dream wedding forever, and she won’t be able to stand the sight of her brother getting married there.”
OP was surprised by the sudden turn, but still tried to work things out.
“We tried to have a phone conversation with her where she was bawling her eyes out and asked us to cancel our plans.”
“She said that the hotel means so much to her since she went to school near there and has more memories than we realize, and she couldn’t believe we would even consider looking into it knowing how upset this made her.”
“We also learned that her fiancé did not want to get married at the hotel, and that played a part in their venue choice.”
“Over the past two months, we had brought up the venue multiple times in front of my sister and never heard any concerns from her.”
“Two days pass and she is still mad that we haven’t canceled our plans.”
A compromise was attempted.
“My parents offered her to cancel her wedding so that she could replan hers at the hotel.”
“She talked to her fiancé about this, and he still said that he did not want to get married there.”
“Then, after a week of ongoing conflict, my parents and us had a final meeting on our wedding plans before the trip.”
Frustrated, OP decided to vent during the meeting, but …
“Apparently, my sister had access to the camera system in my parent’s house and spied on the meeting.”
“This is where I believe I may be the a**hole. She heard me say the following:”
“‘I have little sympathy for my sister at this point’.”
The comment was not received well.
“This sent her over the edge again.”
“She accused my fiancé of manipulating me into having our wedding here since ‘there is no way my brother cares this much’. “
“Jump to last night, and we just learned that she is threatening to move across the country with her fiancé since she feels that her immediate family no longer cares about her or her feelings.”
OP was left to wonder:
Having explained the problem, OP was left to wait for the reaction of Reddit.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some were concerned.
“I don’t want this to come off the wrong way but, something is wrong with your sister. For her to care that much, seemingly out of the blue, is weird… For her to bawl her eyes out and spy on you over a wedding venue is alarming…”~PugRexia
Others found the argument childish.
” ‘If I can’t have it, no one can have it’ .”~Greg_the_Tumbleweed
There were too many lingering questions.
“The real mystery to me is why the fiancé seems to hate the hotel as much as the sister loves it.”
“Like, if she cares SO much about her wedding venue that she’s threatening to move across the country because…her brother is getting married in the place she wants to get married…(??!!??).
“And her fiancé loves her (I assume??), how much must he truly despise this place that he won’t agree to having their wedding there?!”
“The woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with is losing her godd*mn mind over her brother’s wedding venue and he’s just like…nah.”
“WHAT IS THE STORY HERE???”
“NTA OP, unless you’re leaving a lot out, your sister and her fiancé sound legit coo-coo bananas.” ~Kathrynlena
OP’s sister came under fire.
“I think that sis must be projecting a lot. Her fiance won’t let her choose the venue she wants, so she accuses OP of being manipulated by their betrothed. Ironic.”~Seeker131313
There was confusion as to why this was being directed at OP.
“This is really dramatic and if she cares so much she should be directing this drama at her fiancé!”
“Hey, op tried to talk to her about why she’s gone off the bend on this? Sincerely?” ~Creative-Training175
Surprises can be fun.
Unless the surprise is that your relative disagrees with your action so deeply that she’s moving across the country.
That is not a good surprise.
Hopefully, OP and his sister can patch things up and everyone can have a wedding they are happy with.