The gaming community sometimes gets an undeserved bad rap.
A female gamer made friends with a fellow gamer online. He made certain assumptions about her that she never corrected, because to her it didn’t matter.
He had a very different opinion.
After the fallout, she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor throwawaitaa asked:
“AITA for ‘hiding’ my gender?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Last month I befriended a guy I met through a game on PS4. It’s a team based game and we work very well together which makes it very fun.”
“From the start I felt that he assumed I’m a dude but I didn’t care. We got along well, he wasn’t toxic or rude, and we even swapped numbers.”
“FYI, I don’t use voice chat so he never heard my voice. Also I have a unisex name (think ‘Charlie’) so I guess that didn’t help.”
“When we text we mostly talk about games or similar stuff but sometimes he would tell me personal things. For example being rejected by a girl or something like that.”
“I just said that sucks, sorry about that etc but then we’d go back to talking about our interests.”
“He was a lot more open than I was.”
“Yesterday we texted and I told him that I wouldn’t be available this weekend. He asked me what I’m doing and I told him that I’m doing something with my boyfriend (BF).”
“He asked me if I’m gay. I told him that I’m a (straight) girl.”
“Wow…he freaked out big time.”
“He started calling me a liar and a manipulative bitch. He said that I purposely hid my gender from him and that I’m full of sh*t.”
“He said that I only mentioned my BF because I’m a ‘cruel, selfish c*nt’ and that I’m the reason nobody respects women (lol he really said this).”
“I was seriously shocked and told him that he has f’king problems. He sent me this very long text accusing me of being ‘unethical’ and ‘predatory’.”
“He genuinely believes I tricked him into thinking I’m a guy. I never said I’m a guy, he just assumed and I didn’t care.”
“Soooo am I the [a**hole]?”
Despite having a variety of options to choose from, every Redditor declared the OP was Not The A**hole.
According to the AITA subReddit, NTA is for “scenarios where the OP is NOT to blame and the other party described in their scenario is to blame.”
“NTA. How do you think he would have reacted if he found out and you were single?” ~ Intralipid
“‘Oh you are a single girl?? Send nudes please!'”
“There are plenty of people to play with online. He sounds like a dick. You owe him nothing. Remove him from your friends list.” ~ EggrollExpress81
“It saddens me but FPS (First Person Shooter) gaming community is incredibly misogynistic. It is bad to an extent that many players believe women inherently can’t play, that they are either ‘carried’ up by other team members, or cheating in some sort of way.”
“They would do sleazy jokes, and they would attack their own team member if they are a woman. I recommend videos from Spawntaneous to check out how bad it really is.”
“Dude realized that for a few days he took a woman player seriously. When he realized what happened he experienced all-encompassing disgust.”
Like a KKK member that realized his best friend has black roots. Like Hitler realizing he married a Jewish woman.”
“It’s awful, disgusting, unforgivable bigotry. And yet, this is gaming community for you.”
“Not all gamers are like this, perhaps not even a majority, but certainly this toxic crowd is very visible.” ~ quick_justice
Female gamers chimed in with why it is almost a necessity to either play with people they know or hide their gender online.
“Yup. It’s why I only go on [microphone] with people I know. We invited a random to do a raid and everything was fine.”
“We were joking and laughing and having a great time. Turns out he thought I was a prepubescent boy and didn’t realize I was an adult woman with kids until the final boss. He started acting really weird after that.”
I’ve been messaged all kinds of crazy, violent and misogynistic sh*t since the dawn of online gaming. Dudes are fine accepting a raid or crucible carry from me until they realize I’m not only female but a married mom.” ~ AlarmingSorbet
“I used to game about a decade ago with my husband and several of our sons but it was sh*t like that that made me stop. I didn’t want my husband and sons, some of whom were already young adults, to have to defend me against men trapped in their mother’s basements eating cold hot pockets instead of relaxing like we wanted to.”
“Side note my bestie is also a middle-aged gamer girl and it just feeds her [in-game] hate as her husband and sons just laugh as she destroys everyone. That’s part of why she’s my bestie.” ~ MeadowLarkBird
“This. So much this.
“As a married mom, people are like ‘OoH a GaMeR GiRl. Go play animal crossing or sims or *insert other casual, no talent game*’ it gets pretty old.”
“I’ve been playing online games since it was a thing. And sure while I’m not the best at FPS, Apex is an absolute love of mine.”
“And regardless of sexist jerks, I’m still gonna play. I have an all female squad and we carry most of the time.
“So, I don’t have to play with randoms. But I get a fair share of hate mail for being a woman.” ~ Pickle_Lips94
“My eldest wants me to carry him through D1, which is cool with me, but he doesn’t understand why I don’t want to talk to randoms. He hasn’t encountered that kind of vitriol yet and I’m hoping he will never have to.” ~ AlarmingSorbet
“Here’s hoping!! I don’t want my kid to have to experience that, simply because she too is female, but you always have those handfuls.”
“I play with my husband, and my girl squad. No randoms for me.” ~ Pickle_Lips94
The OP came back to give an update.
“I blocked his number and then he started texting me from a different number because he said he wasn’t finished with his rant. I blocked him again and he somehow found my Instagram and started messaging me on there.”
“His tone suddenly changed and he apologized for attacking me. I told him to stop contacting me and he freaked out again and called me a ‘narcissistic, manipulative slut’.”
“Reported & blocked him.”
If there was still any uncertainty here, he certainly removed all doubt. He was definitely the a**hole.