A key part of any relationship is being supportive of our partner’s interests, even if that means learning more into the interest to play along.
It can be totally heartbreaking if our partner does not recognize our efforts, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
And Redditor Correct-Slice-3651 did not recognize his girlfriend’s efforts when she embraced his love for anime during a recent cosplay.
Rather, when he realized she wasn’t wearing something sexy “for him,” the Original Poster (OP) voiced his disappointment to her over her efforts.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for being embarrassed by my girlfriend’s cosplay?”
The OP’s girlfriend was a cancer survivor.
“My (25 Male) girlfriend (24) had a double mastectomy five years ago; she had breast cancer and thankfully made a full recovery.”
“Unlike a lot of women, she didn’t have any reconstructive surgery. This was before I met her.”
She attempted to learn more about the OP’s interest in anime.
“I’m a big anime nerd, and last weekend I invited her to a small anime con with me.”
“She’s seen a few episodes of my favorite shows, but she’s not into anime; she does like cosplay, though, and she works seasonally as an SFX (Special Effects) artist at a haunted house near us.”
“So when I asked her to go to the con with me, she asked if she could cosplay, and I said sure. She got very excited and said I was going to love her costume, so I’ll admit I thought she was going to do something sexy for me.”
His girlfriend’s costume was not what the OP expected.
“Well, not exactly. The day of the convention comes, and she showed up at my house cosplaying Dabi from MHA (‘My Dark Academia’), specifically a look he has later in the manga.”
“It’s a long white coat over white pants, no shirt. Her entire chest was exposed, and she’d obviously spent hours applying burn makeup; she has short hair that she dyes constantly. This time she bleached it white and dyed a few red streaks.”
“I wasn’t expecting her to show up without a shirt. Her burn scar makeup only covered half her chest, so you could clearly see her mastectomy scar. It wasn’t a very attractive costume, especially since she’d gone all out with the scars and made them look raised and kind of realistic.”
The OP was deeply embarrassed.
“We went to the con, and while a lot of people came up to take photos with her, I noticed several others looking at her chest.”
“That evening, she said I’d been quiet all day, and I honestly told her I was a little embarrassed that she was flaunting her mastectomy scar like that.”
“She got mad and said she was making the best of her situation and said I was being insensitive, and she’s been distant ever since. I’m starting to feel guilty.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were disgusted by the OP’s perception of his girlfriend’s appearance.
“Oh, how dare your girlfriend not have a pretty little cosplay outfit. Obviously, she has not gotten the message that her only worth is if she caters to the male gaze. (sarcastic comment)”
“Yeaaah. YTA.” – YouthNAsia63
“‘For me’ was the key phrase here. It told me everything I needed to know about OP.” – anxgrl
“I was sold on OP being the AH with, ‘She didn’t get reconstructive surgery like a lot of women do.'”
“I was fairly certain this post would be about boobies at that point. He’s into anime and wanted a sexy costume, and then said out loud that she shouldn’t show the scars from kicking cancer’s a**.”
“I mean… holy s**t. YTA.” – coversquirrel1976
“I immediately went, ‘Well, I know how I’m gonna judge this one,’ but man, did he beat my expectations. And incidentally, that costume sounded awesome. And he’s all salty because it wasn’t what? A skimpy ‘Sailor Moon’ cosplay?”
“Oh no, she did something for herself and OWNED her scars as the proof of her SURVIVING CANCER, and OP was embarrassed because people could see them and see she no longer had breasts and thus wasn’t a sexy cosplay? Oh waaaaaaaaaaaaah. YTA.” – Zealousideal-Log-152
“What hurts the most about his post is that she thought that he’d love it. She thought he’d appreciate the commitment to a character in a genre (it sounds like) he introduced her to. She clearly connects deeply enough to knowingly draw attention in an environment like that and be confident in her character choice.”
“All of the work she put in, the time, the thought. And she thought OP would stand by her side confidently and happily. But he just wanted her to fulfill a fantasy. He expected a cat maid or magical girl in a miniskirt.”
“It’s gross at face value alone, but my heart breaks just imagining all the admirable qualities she thought he had just slipped away in one word… ‘Embarrassed.'”
“OP, YTA. A pathetic stereotype, lacking in the depths of emotion that she thought you capable of. What a disappointment.” – DevilsAudovocate
“So he wanted a sexy outfit, which 99% of anime show skin, but he didn’t want her to show skin in a non-sexual way? YTA.” – JengaPlayer1
“Not only did she go through all that, she did it at 19! She barely got to come into her ‘woman’s’ body before it was traumatically ripped from her. She empowering herself and embracing her history just for this AH to reinforce her fear that without breasts she’s not Beautiful.”
“‘Other people were staring.’ Of course, they were! It’s natural for humans to look at something new and different. It’s terribly rude, but let’s be honest, we all do it.”
“AND if her makeup job was that good, half of ‘em were probably trying to figure out how she ‘made it look that realistic.'”
“This dude is TA for sure and used the whole gallon of audacity when he made this post.” – MommyAndMonsterBooks
“At a con, cosplayers specifically want to be seen, noticed, and photographed. Usually, the person staring thinks the cosplay is awesome, and they want a picture but are shy to approach. And although cosplays might be sexy, if she was doing it for OP, it would have been a private performance (which he obviously does not deserve).”
“YTA. Way to make your girlfriend’s double mastectomy about you. Self-centered much?” – KaijuAlert
Others agreed and were loudly cheering for the girlfriend from the comments section.
“Own. Your. Scars. OP doesn’t deserve this woman. YTA.” – Boustrophaedon
“Think how many cancer survivors will see her and be empowered… while he cowers in shame, I guess.” – MisterEfff
“I’m not even a cancer survivor, and I feel godd**n empowered.”
“I’ve also lost both friends and family to this disease, so this lady approaching this in such a wholesome, self-loving, confident, and fun way is just… too wholesome. She’s an inspiration for self-love.” – Etoiaster
“Cancer survivor here. I have 37 scars between my neck and my personal parts, including a long wide scar from my ribcage down to my bits. I also have numerous smaller scars in a big circle from laparoscopic surgeries.”
“I own every scar and am proud of every single one. It takes a d**n confident woman to make something fun from a mastectomy scar. She is a freaking HERO.” – Admiral-Leopard-73
“I’m a breast cancer survivor who chose not to have reconstructive surgery, and just hearing about OP’s girlfriend and her cosplay is f**king EVERYTHING to me. My God, she deserves to be with someone who realizes and acknowledges how incredible she is. OP clearly isn’t it.” – littleminibits
“From what I gather (as a guy) it’s getting more common for women to forego reconstructive surgery due to how sensitive the area is. After all the treatment.”
“I think she is an amazing strong woman to come out the other end of all that and being happy to cosplay showing her scars loud and proud.”
“I’m 100% sure she will of been seen by someone in the future going through breast cancer. With that person thinking wow if she goes through it and uses it as part of cosplay and rock it. I can kick cancers @ss and be equally amazing.” – Pleasant-Squirrel220
“Not to mention that maybe the girlfriend picked this character because as someone with scars (or other visible differences and disabilities, etc), it can be fun and cool to have a beloved character who looks like you.”
“MAYBE the girlfriend was actually f**king stoked to be topless and have it go along with a character’s scars instead of being made to feel ashamed/weird/different/like a negative spectacle when topless other times.”
“Then OP comes along and is like, ‘Why don’t you feel ashamed about your grotesque body?!?!’ What an absolute a**hole.” – spacedinosaur1313131
“Seriously, she went through all this time and effort to play a character from something she doesn’t even watch because she thought OP would get a kick out of seeing a character from his show. If my partner took the time to notice a show I liked, research that show, and dress like a character from that show, I’d be so amazed and impressed!” – Amelindinum
“The fact people wanted to take pictures with her means her cosplay was spot on/interesting/amazing! OP was just mad his girlfriend didn’t dress sexy!”
“It’s such a shame, too, because she doesn’t like anime. Like, my girl spent HOURS with her awesome skills to make something that is of interest to her boyfriend, and he just hems and haws about how it’s not sexy and brought attention to her.”
“Shame on you, OP!” – eat_my_bowls92
The subReddit was completely disgusted with how the OP handled this situation. Not only did the OP disrespect his girlfriend’s hard work and thoughtful costume that she based on his favorite anime, but he was also unnecessarily sexualizing her at an event that doesn’t have to be sexual but artistically expressive.