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Guy Mortified After He Asks His Girlfriend’s Dad For His Blessing To Propose And He Walks Away

Man proposing
Kobus Louw/Getty Images

Redditor WearyBoysenberry262 wanted to propose to his girlfriend. As many do, he chose to ask his girlfriend’s dad for his blessing.

Upon doing so, the Original Poster (OP) was met with confusion and anger.

This left the OP confused, himself. He ultimately went to subReddit “Am I the A**Hole?” (AITA) for advice.

He asked:

“AITA for asking my [26-year-old Male] gf’s [22-year-old Female’s] father his blessing to propose”

He went on to explain.

“Okay, first of all, sorry for any mistakes, English is a second language and I’m still processing what just happened.”

“So, I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a bit more than a year. She’s the perfect girl for me, she’s hot, caring and smart, and we both love each other very much.”

“I’ve been thinking about proposing for a while, my girlfriend is almost done with school and I have a good job with a lot of savings.”

“Since we’re visiting her hometown for the week, thought this week would be a good moment to ask her father for his blessing.”

“I’ve only met with her family a couple of times, since they live in another city, but they never seemed to have a problem with me.”

“Her father is pretty easy going, so while we don’t have much in common, I wasn’t really scared of his reaction, only a bit nervous.”

“This afternoon, while my gf was out with old friends, I sat down with him and asked him if I’d have his blessing to marry his daughter.”

“He looked really awkward and confused, and asked me a couple of times if I was being serious.”

“I explained that I was, that I loved his daughter very much and would make sure she never needs anything.”

“He said something along the lines of ‘’woa, I don’t know what to say, I was not expecting that’’. We were silent for a bit and he left the room.”

“I was disappointed to say the least, but still had hopes to convince him.”

“My girlfriend came back soon after, and recieved a phone call from her mother, who told her I asked gf’s dad for his blessing.”

“My girlfriend was really angry at me for asking her dad instead of her and that doing so is sexist (which is stupid because the point was to ask her dad to propose, not to marry her by force)…”

“…saying she was absolutely not ready for marriage, wasn’t even considering it because she thought it was way too early in our relationship (after more than a year?).”

“She said she felt humiliated in front of her parents and now she left to sleep at her mother’s tonight, leaving me alone with her father who’s been avoiding me since our conversation.”

“I don’t understand what happened. I’m really hurt by her reaction and the way she viewed the possibility of marrying me as completely absurd.”

“I’m really angry and confused at her parents for telling her about my plans instead of letting me propose how I intended.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

‘She’s the perfect girl for me, she’s hot’”

“When this is listed as the first reason someone loves their girlfriend, I automatically know what follows is going to be a dumpster fire.”

“‘asking her dad instead of her and that doing so is sexist (which is stupid because the point was to ask her dad to propose, not to marry her by force)…’”

“‘…saying she was absolutely not ready for marriage, wasn’t even considering it because she thought it was way too early in our relationship (after more than a year?)’”

“Holy gA**lighting. And the fact that you obviously haven’t even DISCUSSED marriage with her.”


“Some people are pissy about me using the term gaslighting. I’ll die on this hill that it is.”

“Gaslighting is when you make someone question their sanity or experiences, undermining what they believe to be true.”

“When your girlfriend tells you what you did was sexist, and you deny that it is and call into question their intelligence, that is gaslighting.”

“‘You did x, y, z, that was x, y, z, and that hurt me.’ And their response is,’no I didn’t, how stupid.’ That is gaslighting.”

“Telling someone that what they experienced is no big deal because other worse things exist. That is also gaslighting.”

“It is a manipulation tactic designed to make the victim question the validity of their own experiences and feelings, which is exactly OP’s intention.”

“I’m acutely aware of what it is, and I hardly use the term. But I’m calling a spade a spade.”

“He is trying to gaslight her into thinking that what she feels is sexist… isn’t and that she is wrong to feel the way she does and that he didn’t actually do what she’s accusing him of. That is gaslighting.”

“So y’know, yall can eat my shorts and cry about it some more.” – Graves_Digger

“Without knowing your cultural context, I’ll answer as a woman who grew up in southeast Asia and now lives in the US.”

“YTA. These days, couples build a future together. Not be determined by when a man decides to propose.”

“That means that if you’ve not yet talked to your GF about her expectations of the relationship or her desires for the future, then yes the relationship isn’t ready for marriage.”

“Do you know what age she wants to marry? Have kids or not? How many?”

“What if she’s only interested in dating you, not marrying at all? That’s possible. Or if she’s more interested in building her career before marriage?”

“Even asking for father’s blessing is weird because you wanted to reassure him that she won’t need anything – implying you’re going to be the breadwinner.”

“Was that agreed upon at all? What about her being capable of caring for herself? And be an equal partner to her spouse to be?”

“I just feel like if her own parents were surprised, it’s likely they know her dreams for the future, more than you know them.”

“Talk to her. And listen to what she says. Really listen.” – Poesy-WordHoard

“YTA for all the reasons already stated. But also, even in this post, you called your girlfriend’s concerns over sexism ‘stupid.’”

“That’s how you talk about the woman you want to marry?!” – UnhingedLawyer


“There are a few things going on here.”

“1. Why didn’t you speak to both of her parents? Does her mom’s opinion not count as much as her dad’s?”

“2. Blessing is another word for permission. You even say “blessing” but then say “ask her dad to propose” (this may be a nuance of language). She’s an adult.”

“Also, this tradition started because the daughter was literally her father’s property until her husband took possession of her. Put it in the same category as asking for a dowry.”

“3. Cultural clash might be a factor. I’m getting a machismo vibe.”

“4. Why are you actively pursuing proposing without some kind of conversation with her?”

“Judging by her reaction, not only did she not have a clue, she’s clearly not wanting to get married, and the idea of asking her dad for a blessing offends her. Red flag for openness and honesty.”

“5. It feels off that you described her as ‘the perfect girl for me, she’s hot, caring and smart.’”

“Sexual attraction is very important, but you named it first in a very short list of three things you love about her.”

“6. You’re calling her opinion ‘stupid,’ and you wonder why she isn’t jumping at marriage? Who died and made you the judge of opinions?”

“7. I don’t know where you live, but balking at marriage at 22 isn’t strange. It’s reasonable.”

“Scientific research shows critical parts of the brain involved in decision-making are not fully developed until 25ish.”

“8. Your feelings of hurt and anger are valid. You feel what you feel. So does your girlfriend and her parents.”

“She told you how she feels and what her focus is right now. Their priority is their daughter’s happiness, not keeping the entire idea of marriage to you a secret.”

“They would be the a**holes if they ruined your plan for how to propose (scavenger hunt or whatever).”

“Her mom probably thought, ‘WTF she’s never indicated the relationship is that serious, and she’s still in school for Christsakes.’”

“9. I don’t think she meant it was absurd to marry you but absurd to marry anyone right now.” – lathe_of_heaven

“YTA, all of this could have been avoided by having an adult conversation with your partner about future plans.”

“Some people still like the whole ‘asking dad for a blessing/permission’ things, I find it outdated, and it seems so does your girlfriend…”

“…something that would have come up if marriage was at all discussed in the year you’ve been together…”

“…along with a potential timeline of when it might be appropriate to propose.” – Competitive_Delay865

The OP has since deleted his original post.

We do hope that he’s had a conversation with the one person he should have from the start.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)