When we’re dating someone, we all have to eventually answer the dreaded question, “Where is this going?”
Some relationships are able to address this question sooner rather than later, but others will only answer this question in the event of a natural disaster.
When pressured, some show how unprepared they are for a relationship, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Ok_Sentence9604, for instance, wouldn’t allow his girlfriend to move in with him, even after a house fire, because he wasn’t ready.
But when he saw his girlfriend’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was being selfish.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for not wanting my girlfriend and her kids to move in with me?”
The OP was dating a woman with kids.
“I (30 [Male]) have been seeing my girlfriend (29 [Female]) for almost a year now. She has two kids (8 [Female]) and (3 [Male]).”
His girlfriend recently had an emergency.
“Last week, her house burnt down while she was at work.”
“No one was there or got hurt but half of the house is gone. Some stuff made it and some didn’t.”
“Well her landlord has no other houses available till January and asked to move in with me.
The OP was reluctant to help.
“The thing is, I think that it’s way too soon because we haven’t been together very long.”
“She called me an a**hole and hasn’t answered my calls or texts.”
“She even blew off and our date night (Saturdays).”
“I’m not crazy right? I just think it’s too soon.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said YTA because emergencies change situations.
“You’re kind of the a**hole because she’s currently in a time of need and I mean, the humane thing to do would be to allow them to live with you temporarily given the situation, but if you’re so hesitant after almost a year of dating to live with your partner and her children, then maybe you should actually re-evaluate where you see that relationship going in general.” – _Kaleidoscopic_
“I was ready to give an N-T-A until I got to the reasoning of why she’s looking to move in with you.”
“It’s temporary. She and her children lost their home and the majority of their possessions.”
“You’ve been together a year. She isn’t proposing marriage. She’s not asking you to adopt her kids. She’s looking for a safe place to stay while she deals with a huge mess.”
“YTA” – MAnnie3283
“As a solo mom, I would also think my boyfriend of a year can’t let my children and I stay there until I can figure out what next?!”
“She is worried, her kids are looking at her to see what happens…and he only cares that he didn’t get date night? This is where I would walk away!”
“For comparison, I had an emergency when I had been with my now-fiancé for 3 weeks.”
“He dropped everything to meet me at the emergency room for my son. Stayed with me until my son was discharged at 2 am to drive us home. Kept my youngest occupied while there. And after dropping us off, gave me a kiss then went home.”
“If you knew my fiancé, you would understand that he has severe anxiety. Driving at night, to someplace he has never been, asking someone where we were because he didn’t tell me he was coming, he just came as soon as I called crying.” – One-Basket-9570
“This isn’t the equivalent of: ‘let’s get married’ and ‘I’m not ready yet.'”
“That’s not what this is. This was:”
“‘I’m drowning. Please take my hand and pull me out.’ and ‘Nah, I think it’s a little early to be holding hands.'”
“That’s what he just did to her. And yet he’s stunned that she doesn’t want to talk to him.”
“OP, I guarantee she’s re-thinking your relationship right now. Because you just told her that she cannot rely on you to be there when she needs you. And if she can’t do that, why should she date you?” – lordmwahaha
Others agreed and questioned where their relationship was going.
“If she does not have any other options, then yes, YTA. It’s not like she asked you to marry her and live together forever, her house burned down!”
“Anyway you’re in a relationship with a woman who has kids and after a year you still can’t even think about living with her, if only temporarily… Honestly, where is this relationship going?” – ResolveDisastrous256
“YTA. Sure, you’ve only been dating just under a year, but the girl is in need and you’re not willing to help. She doesn’t have to live with you full time, right? Can’t she just stay until they are able to get into a new place?”
“If you don’t want her and her kids living with you, why are you even dating her? Do you ever want to live with them? Or just not now? Either way, her f**king house burned down. Jesus.” – Illustrious_Big_8485
“This was an emergency, she has two young children and her house just burned down. She probably sees this as ‘he didn’t step up and didn’t care if my kids and me could not find a home.'”
“Which is fair. I can imagine anyone wants a partner who would step up in an emergency situation, especially since she has kids.”
“If OP does not see himself stepping up to help in emergency situations that involve the kids, this is not the relationship for him. If he plans to stick around and possibly make this relationship long term, he’s going to have to think about her kids as well.” – _Ginger_Biscuit_
“I’m a single mom with two kids, with a boyfriend, so I attempt to imagine what it would be like in that position. After dating my boyfriend for a year, I would have agreed it would have been too soon to move in together if for nothing more than my kids’ adjustment sake.”
“But then I have a fire, and it’s terrifying as a parent to worry you won’t be able to provide the most basic of needs. We would all be traumatized at the loss of our home and possessions. Then I would worry about trying to find something safe, affordable, close to my kids’ school, that I won’t have to sign a lease on because I would only need it till January.”
“If my boyfriend of a year wasn’t able to help me in this life crisis, for like 3 months – and instead viewed it as some kind of Trojan horse to trick him into moving in together – yeah, I would be p**sed.”
“More than that, I had invested a year of time into someone who would bail on me in my moment of greatest need.”
“YTA” – BabyLllamaDrama
After not hearing from his girlfriend, the OP was torn about how he felt about what happened. The subReddit, however, disagreed with his actions because of the emergency involved. It would be different if the girlfriend was rushing to move in just because, but with a house fire involved, that would change things.