Guests who linger for too long tend to never realize the burden they become, or they don’t care.
It’s always nice to want to help loved ones out when they’re in a bind.
But when a favor starts to become a hindrance to daily life, it’s time for serious chats about boundaries and taking advantage.
When the guest is a close family member, these are some of the most difficult conversations to have.
Redditor PaleTotal6379 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to let my mom move in with me even though she says she has nowhere else to go?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My name is Mark, 26 years old, and I finally got my own apartment last year after saving for years.”
“It’s a small one-bedroom place, nothing fancy, but it’s mine and it’s the first time I’ve ever really had privacy.”
“My Mom, she is 52 years old, recently broke up with her B[oy]F[riend] and had to move out of his house.”
“She called me crying, saying she didn’t have anywhere to go and asked if she could stay for a few weeks.”
“Of course, I said yes, she’s my mom.”
“But now it’s been four months.”
“She hasn’t looked for a new place, doesn’t help with groceries, and has started treating my apartment like it’s hers.”
“She rearranged my furniture, keeps commenting on my food choices, and even tried to throw away some of my stuff because it looked old.”
“I’ve gently brought it up a few times, but every time I do, she gets emotional and says things like, ‘Wow, after all I did for you, now you’re kicking me out?’ or ‘You’d let your own mother be homeless?’”
“Last week, she invited two of her friends over while I was at work without even asking.”
“I came home to people sitting on my couch, drinking wine.”
“That’s when I told her we needed to set a deadline for her to move out.”
“She cried and said I’ve changed, and that she can’t believe how cold I’ve become.”
“My sister thinks I’m being heartless, but she lives two hours away and isn’t offering to take Mom in either.”
“I love my mom, but I just can’t live like this anymore.”
“I’m starting to feel like a guest in my own home.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for asking my mom to move out even though she says she has nowhere to go?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. She DOES have somewhere to go – sister’s house.”
“Or how ’bout those friends who were drinking wine on your sofa?”
“Or her own place.”
“She’s had zero rent for 4 months = she should have a nice deposit saved up for a rental.”
“She has overstayed, overstepped, and underperformed.” ~ opine704
“BLAME THE LANDLORD!”
“Tell her she is not on your lease, and needs to leave, as you are allowed guests, but she is no longer a guest, and you are now potentially violating your lease, and could be kicked out.” ~ dell828
“Good news!”
“Your sister just volunteered to take your mom in!” ~ SirChaos77
“Does your landlord know that you have an extra occupant in your apartment?”
“Whether he/she does or not, I’d tell your mom that you’re in violation of your lease and that she’ll have to stay in a motel rentable by the week until she finds something else.”
“Definitely NTA.” ~ TalkieTina
“Your mom has ‘nowhere to go’ because she hasn’t looked for where to go in 4 months.”
“I think she’s quite comfortable at your place, she’s making it hers, and she’s very comfortable not paying for a thing.”
“And she’s guilt-tripping you.”
“If you want my honest opinion, this will go bad for you.”
“She might even say that you’re the one who needs to find another place, because she made your home hers.”
“If I were in your shoes, I’d give her a deadline.”
“She’s going to guilt-trip you over and over, and you can answer her that it’s not healthy for anyone that you two live together, that she needs her own space to do whatever she likes, and you also need your space.” ~ Odd_Tea4945
“NTA. She’s an adult.”
“It was good of you to take her in temporarily, but she needs to find accommodation of her own, not just take over yours.” ~ ReadMeDrMemory
“NTA. You were more than kind, and now you need to be clear and firm.”
“Please protect your space and privacy, and well-being. Good luck.” ~ That_Bee_Baker
“NTA, but she’s manipulating the hell out of you.”
“I’m going to be a little mean here, but it sounds like you need it.”
“Mom does not have your best interests at heart like she should.”
“Instead, she’s taking advantage of you and everything you’ve worked for.”
“I’m going to go as far as calling this abuse between the emotional manipulation and the financial aspect.”
“Especially with the flying monkey sister involved, who you should be asking when she’s taking her turn hosting any time she tries to start with you.”
“You need to stand up for yourself and make her leave.”
“The timeline isn’t going to work.”
“Her reaction to that conversation after 4 months of freeloading is proof enough of that. It’s time for her to go.”
“She might be your mother, but she’s not supposed to be your problem.” ~ TipsyBaker_
“NTA. She had 4 months to figure out somewhere to go, and 4 months to save money to pay for said somewhere.”
“Give her 30 days to find somewhere and be out, and make it a hard deadline.”
“If she isn’t out by 30 days, you will have the Sheriff come and escort her off the property since she will be trespassing.”
“Change the locks at 31 days so she no longer has any access.”
“She’s guilting you by using your raising you as a bargaining chip.”
“‘After all I did for you,’ you mean the sh*t parents are legally obligated to do for their children as a bare minimum?!”
“Get her out and do not let her back in.”
“She found your place when she was looking for somewhere to go; she’ll find another place in 30 days.” ~ Guilty-Company-9755
“NTA – parents who claim you ‘owe’ them because they birthed you are the worst.”
“You’ve been more than generous, and she’s a grown woman who should be able to take care of herself.” ~ notastraycat
“I don’t know why you’re asking if you’re TA for something you didn’t do: You didn’t refuse to let her move in with you, she IS living with you.”
“NTA for setting a deadline.”
“Tell your sis to put up or shut up.”
“As for your mother, she has had four months rent-and-bill-free with you, and since it was her house, however long she lived with him, probably rent-free too.”
“If she was paying him rent (and in some places, even if she wasn’t), she could be considered a legal tenant and he would have had to evict her, which would have given her even more time to save up and find a new place.”
“Sounds like she’s taking advantage of you.”
“And as for you.’
“If your apartment is rented, not owned, depending on the laws in your area and the contract, you could be in breach of contract having a non-paying resident stay for so long, and risk getting both of you evicted.”
“Check your lease, and stick to the deadline.” ~ 2cents0fucks
“NTA, but sounds like you need to pack up your mom and her stuff and dump her at your sister’s place.” ~ StructEngineer91
“NTA. She sounds like a master manipulator with all the tears and guilt-tripping.”
“Tell your sister you’ll pay for a one-way bus ticket for mom to go stay with her.”
“Mom is free to then rearrange your sister’s furniture and invite strange people over to socialize.” ~ Oldgamerlady
“NTA. Mom is manipulating you with tears, and she needs to move in with your sister before your sister is allowed to have an opinion.”
“If I were younger, I’d offer to be your stunt girlfriend to help you prove a point, but I’m older than your mom.” ~ Ok_Illustrator_7445
“NTA. Your sister can shut her face.”
“Unless she’s willing to take her in, she doesn’t have an opinion on the matter.”
“You need to grow a backbone and realise your mum is using you.”
“She works so ages got money but she’s enjoying being able to waste it on what she wants while she moochs at yours, eating your food, paying nothing towards anything.”
“She will make you feel guilty because you’re calling her out on her absolutely awful behavior.” ~ Fioreborn
“NTA. I’m several years older than your mother.”
“If the situation ever arose where I had to stay with one of my kids, I can guarantee you that I would be working on an exit plan on the very first day.”
“You don’t ‘owe’ her anything!!!” ~ justloriinky
“She does have somewhere to go. OP, buy Mom a bus ticket to wherever your sister is, since she feels you are being heartless.”
“Let’s see if she feels the same way after having Mom running her life and invading her privacy for four months.”
“Tell Mom that you are putting her on a bus and let your sister know when she will be arriving.” ~ briomio
“NTA, I’d remind her that she wanted a few weeks, not to move in permanently.”
“She should be working and independent.”
“I’d tell your sister she can take the next four months till your mom is working and has a place of her own.”
“Or other family.” ~ julesk
“NTA. Check local laws – hopefully she isn’t considered a tenant now – but get her out ASAP.”
“Even if you have to remove all her things to a storage unit.”
“GET HER OUT!” ~ C_Majuscula
“NTA. Your mum is taking advantage of your kindness and is also treating your home as if it were her own.”
“Let your sister do her share now.”
“You have housed your mum for 4 months, now it is your sister’s turn.” ~ myblackandwhitecat
Reddit is 100% with you, OP.
Your mother is taking advantage.
This is your private space; it’s time to reclaim it.
Your mom needs to move on.
Good Luck.