We can all agree, whether we are raising one or not, that babies need a lot of things to help care for them.
It’s totally reasonable that new parents might hope for a little hope in acquiring those items.
But there’s a time and a place for everything, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor joserosevose thought enough was enough when one of his coworkers repeatedly pointed the team in the direction of his baby registry, hoping someone would make a purchase.
But when he was criticized for voicing his concerns about this, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was being too harsh.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my coworker his baby registry request was inappropriate?”
The OP was surprised when his coworker shared his baby registry.
“I (21 Male) work at a supermarket deli, and have for almost a year.”
“There’s this new guy (Late 20s Male), who’s been here for a month.”
“We have a group chat for the manager to send our schedules and request time off, etc.”
“I guess this new guy is having a kid soon because he’s sent a link to help pay for his baby registry like 3 times.”
“I feel like that’s something you ask of family and close friends, not people you’ve worked with for a month and barely know.”
When it became a recurring thing, the OP decided to speak up.
“Anyway, he’s sent it 3 times, and the first 2 times, myself and my other coworkers didn’t say anything, because maybe he didn’t know it’s a kind of strange request.”
“But this 3rd time, I texted in response ‘(Name), this is the kind of thing you ask people you know more than us, I think it would be appropriate to stop sending it.'”
“Then he said, ‘I’ll be leaving this group convo because certain people can’t keep their trashy opinions to themselves,’ obviously referring to me.”
“My coworkers agree someone needed to say this to him, but clearly, he got offended.”
“Was I being rude? AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned the coworker’s use of the word “trashy.”
“NTA. Posting a baby registry at work is trashy. It creates a weird workplace dynamic of expecting other people to pay for your life choices and shaming them if they are not willing to and don’t.”
“Once might be an oops, but three times?” – American-Mary
“Sending your registry to ANYONE who doesn’t ask for it or isn’t invited to the shower is trashy.” – cbm984
“Trash likes to think it doesn’t stink but knows it does, so accuses everyone else of also smelling nasty hoping that covers for it.” – matthewmichael
“If someone is super new to a workplace, it feels trashy. Especially in a retail store setting, where who you work with could change each shift. If someone I just started working with handed me a baby registry, I’d be like, ‘Uhhh wut.'”
“If someone just started working with me and announced, ‘My wife just had a baby!’ I might buy them a bottle or a pack of diapers, to be nice. But a lot of baby registries tend to have more pricier items on them.”
“At least the ones I have seen over the years. (Though mine was more “luxury” items that I could have lived without because I had bought everything needed for a baby in the first three months. I was a little excited.)” – RealisticSpell1
“Working there a month… posting it three times… and then having the audacity to leave the group because of other peoples’ “trash” comments.” – American-Mary
“At my former workplace, my team would do money collections for a Target gift card when someone got married or had a baby. There wasn’t a set amount or anything but most of us chipped in $5-10, which added up.”
“Even asking for a registry link sounds a bit… invasive? Presumptive? Something like that. Sending it out unprompted is wildly inappropriate.” – turbulentdiamonds
“Work is the ONE place you don’t do this, because you’re with people who are paid either the same amount or possibly less than you (I assume the managers aren’t in the chat). You ask for money from people you don’t know the incomes of because then you aren’t pulling power from them.”
“However, if you ask for money from someone who makes the same/less than you, it’s trashy, rude, and a dumb power play because you’re asking those who make the same/less than you to live off of less. NTA.” – ADepressedDrawer
Others pointed out there’s a time and a place for a baby registry.
“My mom shared mine at her workplace when I was pregnant (without me knowing). But she had worked there for over 15 years at that point, was friendly with most of the other people, and I think one or two had asked if I needed anything.”
“Some of these people were people who had watched me grow up too, so less weird/trashy I think in that case. In the end, the whole office ended up chipping in to get my baby’s bassinet and about a week’s worth of clothes/onesies.” – RealisticSpell1
“If you’re an hourly employee and someone is posting registries with expensive Uppababy strollers and stuff, I don’t know how any of that makes sense without massive coordination of people to fund it. And if you’re shift work you probably don’t know enough people to even collaborate on that.” – American-Mary
“At my work, I didn’t post a registry or anything, but a couple of weeks before my due date, they gave me a ‘diaper shower’ with various sizes of diapers. It got through several months of diapers, so that was nice.”
“It kept it so I didn’t know who had contributed how much, and nothing was super personal, but it was definitely useful.” – IntroductionKindly33
“I had a slightly similar situation. I got married a few years ago and there were items purchased from the registry that I never received and I was ridiculously confused. Got back to work after and it turns out my boss asked a close friend/colleague for the info and my team got me the gifts.” – ZippyKat85
“Yeah, I don’t think I would ever send out my own registry to coworkers. If my supervisor/coworker asked me for the info because they were organizing something, that’s one thing. But to be continually spamming a group chat/text is over the line, IMO (in my opinion).”
“When I had my daughter, my coworkers had a surprise work baby ‘sprinkle’ for me. None of it was on my registry, and I didn’t expect it to be. Some of my favorite baby items were unexpected gifts from my coworkers! If they had done nothing, or just had a casual cake and coffee thing, that would have been equally fine.” – DoomBuggE
“Pre-pandemic, my workplace would always have baby showers for anyone who was expecting (if they want one)! A registry would be shared with anyone who says they’re attending (‘If you’d like to buy a gift, her registry is at Target under email@ email.com.’), and the organizer will accept donations to go towards cookies/cupcakes, punch, and maybe a generic gift of diapers.”
“There was never any pressure, though. The organization is mostly engineers and developers, so we women are a bit of a minority, and some are pretty close friends.”
“But it’s never, ‘Hey, my wife is pregnant, here’s her registry.’ That’s just…awkward.” – ThisIsTemp0rary
“NTA registries are for close friends, family, and close coworkers only. If it makes them uncomfortable to hear that it is inappropriate, that is on them for making the inappropriate request, to begin with. No one that they work with owes them a dang thing.” – WTF-Did-I-JustRead88
“It’d also be one thing to ask the manager, ‘Hey, I know I’m kinda new but would it be okay if I shared this? No pressure on anyone,’ and then if they got the green light to just post and say, ‘Hey, I know we don’t know each other super well and none of you are obligated to buy us anything, but if you want to, here it is,’ and leave it at that.”
“One post, no obligation. No further mention of it. Posting 3 times to people you don’t know well is definitely excessive, and his reaction was way out of line.”
“NTA” – anappleaday_1399
“Him sending the request/link once, I’d give him a pass but sending it three times is too much regardless whether it is from a stranger or my own brother.”
“I wonder what would his reaction be if you only 1) continued to ignore his requests or 2) just ask him to stop sending them?”
“No matter. Message sent. Message received. Move on.” – mrbuddhawannabe
After reading his new coworker’s reaction, the OP wondered if he might have been too harsh in the group chat. But the subReddit agreed with the OP’s other coworkers in that the new arrival had acted inappropriately and had introduced his baby registry where it really wasn’t appropriate.