Everyone tells little white lies now and again.
Right?
Many massive life fallouts have begun with a small lie.
That’s why it’s a commandment many try not to break.
But some people just can’t help themselves.
Case in point…
Redditor Sea_Temporary_7637 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA For Telling My G[irl]f[riend]’s Mom That Lying Has Consequences?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (23 M[ale]) am dating Kelly (25 F[emale]).”
“Kelly has two very nice mothers, Gina (64 F) and Stacy (71 F), that I get on with quite well.”
“The problem relevant to this post is that Stacy has a history of lying, very often, about things both serious and not serious, which Kelly has complained to me about a few times.”
“While the lying does bother me, mainly because it hurts Kelly’s feelings and stresses her out, Kelly says she’s trying to let it go and has just come to accept it as part of her mother’s personality.”
“Well, I went to run errands with Stacy last week, and when she forgot her wallet I thought it was a genuine mistake.”
“She’s in her 70s, she’s forgetting things, it’s no big deal.”
“I’ll buy her the couple things she needs and she’ll get it back to me when she can.”
“It wasn’t until later that day, when I was alone with Kelly and recounting my day, that she stopped me and asked if Stacy had me pay for something.”
“I said yes, and Kelly explained that this is something she does to everybody if they agree to go with her somewhere and she has/wants to buy something.”
“She claims she ‘forgot’ her wallet, asks you to pay, promises to pay you back, but almost never follows through.”
“This was upsetting to hear, as I also don’t like to be lied to and had not experienced Stacy lying to me yet.”
“It’s also not even about money for Stacy, as she has quite a bit to her name, no debt, and Gina pays most of the bills.”
“Anyway, yesterday Stacy asked me to come with her again for errands because she needed to pick up some things and they’re too heavy for her to handle.”
“I agreed, and before we walked out the door I said ‘Oh wait, I forgot something’ and went and grabbed my jacket.”
“I asked her if she was sure that she also had everything she needed, specifically listing wallet/keys/phone, and she said yes.”
“I asked if she checked before we stepped outside, and she said yes again.”
“So on we went, and after the initial errands we stopped at the drug store and she ended up asking me to grab her something while I was inside, claiming she forgot her wallet again.”
“The conversation went like this…”
“Me: I thought you said you had everything you needed before we left.”
“Her: I did, I guess I was wrong.”
“Me: You said you checked.”
“Her: I did.”
“Me: So did you lie to me about having your wallet or did you lie to me about checking for it?”
“Her: I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Me: Do you really not have it with you or are you lying about that too?”
“Her: Why are you having an attitude with me?”
“Me: Why did you lie to me?”
“Her: It’s not a big deal. If you don’t want to help me, then I’m going home.”
“Me: I don’t have an attitude; I’m just not going to deal with you lying to me. Lying has consequences.”
“She was pissed, to say the least, and gave me the cold shoulder after this, and Kelly says she hasn’t come out of her room since we got back from errands yesterday.”
“Did I go overboard here?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Obviously, this is her long habit, and she isn’t used to being called out for it.”
“She’s avoiding people because she is both embarrassed and angry.”
“If you wanted her to re-think her habit, then you’ve succeeded.”
“Stacy may not even realize the game she’s playing.”
“When she says ‘I forgot my wallet’ what she means is ‘Please buy this for me.'”
“Gina has figured this out, as has Kelly.”
“They either pay or don’t.”
“In the future, I suggest you do the same, although I suspect it may be a while before she tries this again with you.” ~ 1962Michael
“Yeah. I remember some Reddit post here that his GF ‘always forgets to bring her wallet’ whenever they eat out.”
“One time, when they went out, the guy went back in and got the girl’s wallet.”
“When the bill came, the girl said she forgot her wallet, and the guy gave her wallet.”
“She paid her bill and was not happy about it.”
“Stacy was mad she’ll no longer continue her modus. NTA.” ~ iamtanji
“Wonder what would happen if OP used this as an opportunity to call out her lying habit in general as in: ‘I’m sorry for yelling but I know you have a habit of lying. Lying bothers me but if it’s harmless, little things here and there I can tolerate it, but I cannot tolerate being lied to pay.'”
“‘It’s not about the amount. It’s about tricking me.”
“OP can’t call her out FOR his GF and should keep it focused on how she treats him, not her wife or daughter.”
“But pointing out that EVERYONE knows she is lying and has been indulging her for years might cause her to look at her actions when she lies again and knows that everyone knows it but is nodding their heads along ‘going sure how nice’ like she is a 3-year-old telling everyone some ridiculous tall tale.”
“It would also help establish a boundary by making it explicitly clear (in a firm but polite way) ‘You can’t pull this crap with me.'”
“‘Your wife and daughter are willing to tolerate it I am not so I am off limits.'”
“However, I would DEFINITELY talk to the GF beforehand if he decides to do this, as it is unavoidable that she will go back and go ‘Who told him?!'” ~ Razzlesndazzles
“NTA, she may be 71 but she knows exactly what she doing.”
“She probably not used to people pulling her up on her nonsense.” ~ Ready-Replacement181
“When you were standing at the door ready to leave and she confirmed that she had her wallet, you should have hit her then with, ‘Great, before I take you out on errands today, you can pay me back the money you borrowed last time.'”
“That would have covered the previous trip AND made sure she actually had her wallet for the current trip.” ~ Rye_One_
“NTA. At best what Stacy is doing is lying, at worst, she is stealing from you as she promises to pay you back and then doesn’t.”
“Lying has consequences, and it is time Stacy experiences those consequences.” ~ New-Comment2668
“NTA but how does your GF feel about it?”
“My grandmother was a chronic liar, and, at least in my experience, just not playing along worked as well, if not better than confronting her.”
“Granted, my grandma was genuinely mentally ill (BPD, untreated), and I obviously don’t know Stacey’s deal.”
“Confrontation had a fallout.”
“Just ‘Nope, I don’t have money to buy you something’ a few times, and she realized you weren’t an effective ‘mark’ and moved on.”
“Again, not the AH.”
“Just wise to make sure you’re not creating drama for your girlfriend.” ~ MyAskRedditAcct
“NTA. Woman ain’t used to having people catch her when she cons them.” ~ MilkyPsycow
“NTA at all.”
“It seems you handled this in a very mature way; Stacy will have a hard time being called out on her well-entrenched faults.”
“Firm boundaries are important.”
“Just keep handling them this maturely.” ~ Good_Pea_7294
“NTA. It’s good that you set boundaries with her now, or she would have continued to take advantage of you.”
“Stacy clearly has psychological issues that she needs to get sorted out.” ~ Revolutionary_Let_39
“NTA. There are consequences to your actions.”
“Her actions were that she lied, again, and the consequence was that she got called out for it.”
“She should be embarrassed and also should apologize for her actions.”
“Your GF and her significant other letting Stacy slide about the lying is only enabling her and not doing a damn bit of good.” ~ MoetNChandon
“NTA – you might have been a little strong, but you surely caught her there.”
“Absolutely justified. If I could change one thing, I would have stuck with your point when you said ‘Did you lie about checking or did you lie about not having it?'”
“I would repeat that over and over until she answers.”
“Only one is true.”
“I think this is a good lesson for her, and she’s lucky she doesn’t get worse consequences like destroying every relationship she has left at her vulnerable elderly age.”
“She knows better.”
“She’s just a con artist.” ~ Fearless-Day1842
“NTA… and typically I would say that because it is your girlfriend’s family to ask her how she wants to handle it but that’s your money.”
“I think if you want to see a change in the behavior you may want to use words that don’t make her as defensive like ‘liar.'”
“I struggled with this and some behaviors of my family, but my bf takes a really simple approach that has actually made my mom change some of her bad habits.”
“In this situation, he would have simply said, ‘Okay, well, you forgot your wallet. We can go home and get it.'”
“Or say that they would have to get it later.”
“Not giving into the manipulative behavior but also not saying anything that she can turn against you to make you the bad guy.”
“I’m sure the mom will make you out to be TA that made her feel guilty and called her a liar so take that power away from her.”
“NTA but maybe this helps in how to handle moving forward because I never thought my mom would change until I saw how my boyfriend handles her. Good luck!” ~ Helpful_Dig8079
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Calling people out on their lies is necessary.
And it is never an easy thing to do.
You’re not made of money. She’s just angry she got caught.
Hopefully, you and your GF can work through this.
Good luck.