Awkward situations can be funny, but sometimes they can be crawl-into-a-paper-bag-never-to-be-seen-again levels of awkward.
Reddit's popular subReddit, "[That] Time I F***ed Up" or "TIFU" was created for the latter levels of awkward.
Redditor Swprkpr13 was the unfortunate protagonist of his awkward story:
"TIFU by going on a date with my cousin."
"Not today, this happened a few months back but I just found this subreddit today, and this story still gives my friends and family a good laugh."
It began where most dating stories do these days.
On the apps.
"After a 9 month relationship with a girl I met on Tinder who turned out to be the worst thing to ever happen to me, I showed a vast amount personal growth and wisdom gained... by jumping right back on Tinder."
He was feeling a little lonely at his cousin's wedding.
"A few weeks after rejoining Tinder I'm at my cousin's wedding, it's a small wedding, and even before the break-up I was planning on being there by myself as the venue was very small and they had to downsize the guest list. Being the Best Man I decided that to help ease the stress on the bride and groom I would give up my plus one to make the cuts a little easier."
"So I'm bored and lonely giving the ole Tinder a swipe here or there during the reception, and toward the end of the night while everyone's partying up with their significant other I ended up matching with this girl on tinder."
"Let's call her Krystal Woodrow because the story requires she has a full name. We started talking the next day. Things were going well. She was cute, funny, we had a lot in common, and it was pretty funny how her cousin had just gotten married too..."
Despite the coincidence, they suspected nothing wrong.
"Either way, I was still blissfully unaware of what was to come. But for our first date we went to Olive Garden because breadsticks, had a great time."
"Kiss on the cheek at the end and then I left to go visit my cousin and his wife who had just gotten back from their honeymoon. Good start with a lot of potential going forward."
His ex was wreaking havoc at the time, and he was happy to have a distraction:
"Now my Ex, also named Krystal, was still stirring up quite a bit of drama at this point. Endless texts, phone calls, voicemails, even calls and texts from her friends and family."
"My cousin's wife, let's call her Sammy, who is like a big sister to me has been enjoying the madness and was eager to see the new levels of crazy which had transpired during her and my cousins honeymoon."
But a chance text revealed the new girl might be closer to our original poster, or OP, than originally thought.
"While Sammy was reading over the new messages from my Ex Krystal, Tinder Krystal had texted me. The name popped up and immediately there was a pause."
Sammy looked at me and says questioningly. 'Krystal...?' I start to laugh and explain simply new girl same name. With a very stern look on her face she looks to my cousin and says 'Krystal Woodrow' to which my cousin perks up and immediately starts typing on his phone."
"After a quick search on Facebook sure enough I'm looking at the girl I had just been on a date with. To which my cousin replied to me with the biggest shit-eating-grin I have ever seen states 'Hey buddy that's my cousin...'."
"Needless to say that ended that. Only Second cousins, no blood, but while I might be a little redneck I'm not that RedNeck. She was definitely not okay with it."
"She wasn't at the wedding because my cousin isn't that close with that side of his family and like I said small venue."
That was the end of OP's time on apps.
"That got me off of Tinder for a good while though. If I ever go back all extended family will be included in the photos as a precaution."
"It gave my own mother a chuckle. To which she replied 'I mean you two aren't blood so it would be okay.' I no longer trust her judgement."
People were equal parts amused and horrified by OP's story.
"I dated my second cousin in high school, briefly. My grandmother and her grandfather were siblings. We didn't know."
"Our history teacher was our vague aunt and she knew everyone related to her. She remarked on how nice it was to have both a Jones and a Smith in her class this semester and it was like a family reunion."
"Miss Smith and I asked for clarification and then decided to stop going to movies together and holding hands while taking walks. I know, it was wild."
"Years later I told the story to my post-college GF. 'Is it wrong,' she asked, 'that I'm super turned on by that?'"~ThadisJones
"That's pretty damn funny. I don't think you did anything wrong though. It's just an unfortunate set of circumstances."~PonyKiller81
"If she is your second cousin, I believe you do share blood through common great grandparents. Unless there's adoption or similar situation."
"Could you mean the groom's cousin from the other side of his family? And that's why you aren't related? For example, you are on his dad's side and she is on his mom's?"
"Either way, seems like you've made the right decision. Dating on the family tree not a good idea."~jodabo
"Funny enough that's how my parents are related. They actually met at the wedding of the cousins who made them related by marriage. I still find it weird not gonna lie."~bleachbabe03
However, since they aren't related, lots of Redditors are wondering "What's the issue?"
"Wait, what? How has this anything to do with incest, redneck etc.?"
"What I could gather from your comments is that you two do not share any common ancestors that you know of which makes the two of you NOT cousins."
"You are not related by blood. That's like saying your children should not have a relationship with the children of your Sister In-Law's SIBLINGS."
"That's like you not wanting to hypothetically hook up with your SIL's sister because for some reason you consider it incest now. You do not become related to somebody else because someone from your family married to their's."
"Either I am missing something or you have a very messed up view of what incest/ inbreeding is."~venom_95
"Your cousins cousin is not your second cousin. You need to have a common ancestor to be cousins. The number of generations up determines the degree. Second cousins would share the same great grand parents."
"This girl is completely unrelated to you, barring additional information not yet revealed or if you consider further and earlier ancestors (i.e. Noah)."
"You should at least let her know what happened. Good luck."~cepheids
"I mean, seriously, if you really aren't even blood-related, what's the big deal? Still funny though, of course."~whatsa10k
So even though it didn't end up happening, would it have been wrong if it did?
One key fact in OP's story:
"She [Krystal #2] was definitely not okay with it."
Boundaries are still at work here, regardless of DNA.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.