in ,

Guy Sparks Family Drama After Awkwardly Finding Out That He Went On A Date With His Own Cousin

Flashpop/Getty Images

Awkward situations can be funny, but sometimes they can be crawl-into-a-paper-bag-never-to-be-seen-again levels of awkward.

Reddit’s popular subReddit, “[That] Time I F***ed Up” or “TIFU” was created for the latter levels of awkward.

Redditor Swprkpr13 was the unfortunate protagonist of his awkward story:

“TIFU by going on a date with my cousin.”

“Not today, this happened a few months back but I just found this subreddit today, and this story still gives my friends and family a good laugh.”

It began where most dating stories do these days. 

On the apps.

“After a 9 month relationship with a girl I met on Tinder who turned out to be the worst thing to ever happen to me, I showed a vast amount personal growth and wisdom gained… by jumping right back on Tinder.”

He was feeling a little lonely at his cousin’s wedding.

“A few weeks after rejoining Tinder I’m at my cousin’s wedding, it’s a small wedding, and even before the break-up I was planning on being there by myself as the venue was very small and they had to downsize the guest list. Being the Best Man I decided that to help ease the stress on the bride and groom I would give up my plus one to make the cuts a little easier.”

“So I’m bored and lonely giving the ole Tinder a swipe here or there during the reception, and toward the end of the night while everyone’s partying up with their significant other I ended up matching with this girl on tinder.”

“Let’s call her Krystal Woodrow because the story requires she has a full name. We started talking the next day. Things were going well. She was cute, funny, we had a lot in common, and it was pretty funny how her cousin had just gotten married too…”

Despite the coincidence, they suspected nothing wrong.

“Either way, I was still blissfully unaware of what was to come. But for our first date we went to Olive Garden because breadsticks, had a great time.”

“Kiss on the cheek at the end and then I left to go visit my cousin and his wife who had just gotten back from their honeymoon. Good start with a lot of potential going forward.”

His ex was wreaking havoc at the time, and he was happy to have a distraction:

“Now my Ex, also named Krystal, was still stirring up quite a bit of drama at this point. Endless texts, phone calls, voicemails, even calls and texts from her friends and family.”

“My cousin’s wife, let’s call her Sammy, who is like a big sister to me has been enjoying the madness and was eager to see the new levels of crazy which had transpired during her and my cousins honeymoon.”

But a chance text revealed the new girl might be closer to our original poster, or OP, than originally thought.

“While Sammy was reading over the new messages from my Ex Krystal, Tinder Krystal had texted me. The name popped up and immediately there was a pause.”

Sammy looked at me and says questioningly. ‘Krystal…?’ I start to laugh and explain simply new girl same name. With a very stern look on her face she looks to my cousin and says ‘Krystal Woodrow’ to which my cousin perks up and immediately starts typing on his phone.”

“After a quick search on Facebook sure enough I’m looking at the girl I had just been on a date with. To which my cousin replied to me with the biggest shit-eating-grin I have ever seen states ‘Hey buddy that’s my cousin…’.”

“Needless to say that ended that. Only Second cousins, no blood, but while I might be a little redneck I’m not that RedNeck. She was definitely not okay with it.”

“She wasn’t at the wedding because my cousin isn’t that close with that side of his family and like I said small venue.”

That was the end of OP’s time on apps.

“That got me off of Tinder for a good while though. If I ever go back all extended family will be included in the photos as a precaution.”

“It gave my own mother a chuckle. To which she replied ‘I mean you two aren’t blood so it would be okay.’ I no longer trust her judgement.”

People were equal parts amused and horrified by OP’s story.

“I dated my second cousin in high school, briefly. My grandmother and her grandfather were siblings. We didn’t know.”

“Our history teacher was our vague aunt and she knew everyone related to her. She remarked on how nice it was to have both a Jones and a Smith in her class this semester and it was like a family reunion.”

“Miss Smith and I asked for clarification and then decided to stop going to movies together and holding hands while taking walks. I know, it was wild.”

“Years later I told the story to my post-college GF. ‘Is it wrong,’ she asked, ‘that I’m super turned on by that?'”~ThadisJones

“That’s pretty damn funny. I don’t think you did anything wrong though. It’s just an unfortunate set of circumstances.”~PonyKiller81

“If she is your second cousin, I believe you do share blood through common great grandparents. Unless there’s adoption or similar situation.”

“Could you mean the groom’s cousin from the other side of his family? And that’s why you aren’t related? For example, you are on his dad’s side and she is on his mom’s?”

“Either way, seems like you’ve made the right decision. Dating on the family tree not a good idea.”~jodabo

“Funny enough that’s how my parents are related. They actually met at the wedding of the cousins who made them related by marriage. I still find it weird not gonna lie.”~bleachbabe03

However, since they aren’t related, lots of Redditors are wondering “What’s the issue?”

“Wait, what? How has this anything to do with incest, redneck etc.?”

“What I could gather from your comments is that you two do not share any common ancestors that you know of which makes the two of you NOT cousins.”

“You are not related by blood. That’s like saying your children should not have a relationship with the children of your Sister In-Law’s SIBLINGS.”

“That’s like you not wanting to hypothetically hook up with your SIL’s sister because for some reason you consider it incest now. You do not become related to somebody else because someone from your family married to their’s.”

“Either I am missing something or you have a very messed up view of what incest/ inbreeding is.”~venom_95

“Your cousins cousin is not your second cousin. You need to have a common ancestor to be cousins. The number of generations up determines the degree. Second cousins would share the same great grand parents.”

“This girl is completely unrelated to you, barring additional information not yet revealed or if you consider further and earlier ancestors (i.e. Noah).”

“You should at least let her know what happened. Good luck.”~cepheids

“I mean, seriously, if you really aren’t even blood-related, what’s the big deal? Still funny though, of course.”~whatsa10k

So even though it didn’t end up happening, would it have been wrong if it did?

One key fact in OP’s story:

“She [Krystal #2] was definitely not okay with it.”

Boundaries are still at work here, regardless of DNA.

Written by Mike Walsh

Mike is a writer, dancer, actor, and singer who recently graduated with his MFA from Columbia University. Mike's daily ambitions are to meet new dogs and make new puns on a daily basis. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @mikerowavables.