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Weight-Obsessed Guy Breaks Up With Fiancée When She Won’t Weigh Herself In Front Of Him

Person standing on scale
© Rick Elkins/Getty Images

Content Warning: Body-shaming, Weight-shaming, Weight loss, Emotional Abuse

When we’re in a relationship that we really care about and that we think could be The Real Deal, we’ll do a lot to make that relationship work, often far too much.

It, unfortunately, gives people who want to take advantage of others far too much opportunity for power, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor qwerterifique was taken aback when her future husband demanded that she lose weight or otherwise he would totally call of their wedding. Though this made her uncomfortable, she agreed so as not to lose her wedding day.

But when he made additional demands on her weigh-in day, the Original Poster (OP) finally decided it was too much of him to ask.

She asked the sub:

“Am I the a**hole for refusing to weigh myself naked in front of my partner?”

The OP’s future husband gave her an ultimatum before their wedding day.

“I (Female) am very insecure about my weight and put on over ten kilograms through the pandemic, work stress, and grief.”

“I received an ultimatum in July from my fiancé (Male) that if I didn’t lose four kilograms by my birthday (yesterday), the wedding at the end of this year would be off.”

“He started off by demanding to know what my starting weight was.”

“I was really distressed and sad about this at the time of his request that I couldn’t even engage with him for a week. I even saw a psychologist to help me process it.”

“I eventually cracked and told him my weight, which was 76 kilograms.”

“We don’t live together. I worked really hard and lost five kilograms in about five weeks.”

“Yesterday was my birthday, the weigh-in day, so he came over to visit.”

On her birthday, the OP’s boyfriend made additional demands.

“The first thing in the morning, I wanted to get this over with (still upset by the whole experience), so I stood on the scale in my pajamas with my weight coming in at just over 70 kilograms, which he looked at and verbalized.”

“He weighed himself and then asked me to come back and re-weigh myself in front of him without any clothes on.”

“I refused. My reasoning was that I already felt humiliated, and I was mentally only prepared to do it once, which, in my mind, I did.”

“He thinks I’m the a**hole because I refused to do something that was important to him. I think he’s the a**hole for making me go through this experience.”

“I texted a single trusted friend who gave me some reassuring words (essentially that I’m not crazy and that this isn’t my fault), which I shared with him, not saying who the friend (Female) was. He thinks that my friend’s opinion is not impartial and that I was just badmouthing him.”

The OP felt conflicted about how she handled the situation.

“We broke up (well, truth be told, he kicked me straight to the curb) over my refusal to re-weigh myself in front of him without clothes on.”

“I know people who are impartial… the internet! Am I being unreasonable or the a**hole by not doing something that was important to him?”

“Am I for refusing to weigh myself in front of my partner?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some reassured the OP that her ex-boyfriend had actually done her a favor by ending things.

“What the actual f**k. You really dodged a bullet, OP. I hope you see you deserve so much better than this absolute piece of rat s**t.” – Rich_Ad_7090

“NTA. Why would you want to be with someone who would put you through that, only seems to care about your weight and appearance, and treats you like this? Don’t look back.” – Vandreeson

“Not only did you lose the weight, but you proved it fully clothed. What the h**l does he want from you?”

“NTA and do NOT go back to that. Self-respect starts at home.” – NeanderthanMeander

“NTA. This breakup is the best thing to ever happen to you. His behavior is sick and would have escalated, this would have probably been the beginning of the weekly naked weight weigh-in for the rest of your life.” – RestInPeaceLater

“I have to unpack what the f**k I just read.”

“Her fiance wants her down to 76kg by her birthday, or no wedding. She hits 70kg.”

“He wants her to re-weigh. And then he wants her to re-weigh……….naked.”

“This has nothing to do with weight. This has everything to do with exploiting her insecurities and belittling her.”

“This man is abusive. She should have dumped his worthless @ss the minute that ultimatum came out of his mouth.” – Monso

“And look at that. You just lost over 70 kilograms of dead weight. He was an albatross. Move on and find someone who will love you for you no matter how much you weigh.”

“He was pathological. Imagine what would have happened if you’d gotten pregnant (or old! Weight piles on later in life, sometimes). What a small-minded, wretch of a human. You are lucky you got away. Congratulate yourself for having limits and standards. You are NTA.” – everellie

Others encouraged the OP to explore therapy to move beyond the abuse and body shaming.

“This guy is abusive. Keep him away from you. And please consider talking to a therapist to unpack why you didn’t kick him to the curb the moment he issued his offensive ultimatum. You deserve better than someone who treats you like that.” – Aylauria

“I would suggest getting some therapeutic coaching on recognizing abuse and to try and understand why you agreed to do it in the first place.”

“We are somehow missing teaching young girls how to recognize abuse. I volunteered at my local women’s shelter many years ago. The children’s program therapist held a session for 12-year-olds and talked about dating, and recognizing bad or abusive behaviors.”

“She literally listed examples of abuse. This could easily have been on the list.” – StefneLynn

“My (latest and best) husband and I have been married for six years. He’s gained weight, I’ve gained and lost. We’ve done keto and intermittent fasting. But we did it for us.”

“You say he kicked you to the curb but sounds to me like he was looking for an excuse to break off the engagement and who the h**l breaks up over such a ridiculous thing?”

“You are you, inside. He fed on your insecurity and broke up with you on purpose. What kind of father and husband material would this piece of s**t have been anyway?”

“Seriously, he was looking for an excuse, and you love him so much you were caught up in it. Treat yourself better! You deserve it!” – lizazsdisc

“NTA. Him obsessing over your weight is weird, and trying to force you to strip naked and weigh yourself in front of him is controlling and abusive.”

“Weight loss can only ever be a personal journey. For many, it brings up trauma, and for everyone, it is a journey of highs and lows as weight yoyos, many of which have to be gone through in therapy.”

“I think you need to reevaluate your relationship with him seriously. He is very obviously an ahole and you are not.” – Ydris99

“I have a friend who was in a similar situation, OP. From the outside her life looked perfect except that she was so thin that I really thought she had an eating disorder. She was skeletal. She basically lived on supplements and amphetamines.”

“Of course, no surprise to anyone on Reddit that her controlling, abusive husband was 22 years older than she. The interesting thing is that she had another friend who she’d talk about who was in the exact same situation, but my friend could not recognize the same things in her husband.”

“Anyway, the husband ended up dying from liver cancer. The government paid for my friend to complete her education. She’s now a therapist and also much healthier. Sadly, though, she spent a lot of years putting up with the abuse.” – doglady1342

“Whatever you do, love yourself enough to not take him back.”

“Love doesn’t have to be like this. Love isn’t dependent on your weight. Love doesn’t punish you for changes to your body.”

“Love is kindness and compassion, through sickness and health.”

“He’s not the one, honey. A good therapist can help you build yourself up so you never end up with an abuser like this again. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy. You always have been.” – Personal_Ranger_569

The subReddit was appalled by how the OP had been treated and the fact that she had put up with the ultimatum for as long as she had. They were just grateful that she hadn’t been willing to take the next step with her future husband and that her future husband was now her ex.

Hopefully, there would be nothing in the world that her ex could say that would convince her to let him back into her life, and that she would work through how he had treated her so someone else couldn’t do the same thing in the future.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.