There is only so much a person can take from a coworker who keeps prodding about the idiosyncrasies of others.
Redditor hellthfreak is a 32-year-old male whose patience was pushed to his limits while dealing with such a colleague at work.
When he responded in a way that left him wondering if he went too far, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit looking for feedback and asked:
“AITA for calling my coworker a fat slob?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained why he snapped:
“I’ll get right to it. I 32 year old guy who works in a fairly large office. In this office there is always some sort of celebration going on.”
“Wether it is a birthday, holiday, or company milestone, there is usually some kind of cake or sweets in the office once a week. I try to avoid eating these because I want to watch my health.”
“One particular colleague, a woman in her late 20’s has recently taken notice of my lack of indulgence. She has made a couple of comments such as ‘hey OP you gonna try some of this?’”
“And ‘mmmm this is good it’s worth the calories’ directed at me. Obviously she is feeling some type of way about me not eating the snacks. Well I tend to ignore her, but yesterday annoyed me and got me to respond.”
“She said ‘hey OP, why don’t you try some of this cake for Sally’s birthday’ I said ‘no thank you I am not a big fan of sweets.’ Then she said ‘oh come on don’t be such a stickler, stop being miserable and enjoy life a little’.”
“Without thinking to much I said ‘I am not miserable I just don’t want to be a fat slob and die of a heart attack at 40’.”
“Suddenly everyone got quiet and she said ‘wow you really are a miserable jerk’ and everyone just walked away. Did I go too far?”
“I made it obvious I didn’t want to eat the cakes. But she kept putting me on the spotlight. Was I an a**hole?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Redditors weighed in with their thoughts that didn’t fully exonerate him of his guilt.
“ESH.”
“Learn how to set and enforce your boundaries without lashing out. Defense is NOT the same as counter-offense. Just say, ‘I said no and I meant it. I don’t appreciate being pressured to do something I’ve already said no to,’ and then just report it to HR if it continues.”
“Insulting someone’s appearance is never okay.” – PsilosirenRose
“Those kinds of remarks can really start to grate- no one should be commenting on someone else’s eating habits like that.”
“OP went too far though- it seems like he has an anti-social reputation at work and this person is trying to coax him out of his shell. This is also really annoying behavior that probably adds to OP’s dislike of her.”
“I would have shut her down a long time ago, tbh. Some people just want to be left alone, and that’s ok!” – InvisiblePlants
“‘Fat slob’ was what changed it to ESH. If he said ‘I’m watching my weight. I don’t want it to cause problems to the point of me dying of a heart attack at 40,’ then it’d have been a clear NTA.”
“Heck, even ‘I don’t want to be morbidly obese’ would have made him NTA. He just implied that if you eat too much sweets, it’d make you a slob.”
“Otherwise, she was harrasing him. She had it coming.” – HotShotWriterDude
“Agreed. ESH because not only did this comment potentially get back at the woman, but he really insulted anyone who eats any of the cake by indirectly calling someone who eats occasional office sweets a ‘fat slob.'”
“Would not be surprised if the rest of the office was super offended by this, since it seems to reveal what the OP actually thinks of them.” – moneypennyrandomnumb
“His title says ‘I called my coworker a fat slob.’ He was clearly directing it at her since he admitted it.”
“YTA – she was annoying, you were verbally abusive.”
“And you ruined Sally’s birthday.”
“And even if it somehow escaped everyone’s notice that you think your coworker is fat and fat=unhealthy loser, everybody that is even slightly overweight, or has body issues left that party feeling shitty because you spewed your fat-phobic judgement all over the room.”
“You made the work environment hostile for anyone who doesn’t love their body – and that’s a lot of people. Speaking from experience – my chubby ass would avoid your mean self at all costs lest I get body shamed for a minor mis-step.”
“That would be your loss because I am loyal ally and really good at my job. You’ve hurt yourself here more than you know.” – Imean_whatever
“I mean, she was being pushy, but you do realize that you didn’t just insult her, but all of your coworkers who usually participate and share these snacks?”
“I might have said e s h for her behavior, but I think I have to say YTA because I’m sure some of your other coworkers were insulted as well.” – Molenium
“Ok, you Are 32. This is way past the age where we can excuse your behavior on the lack of a frontal lobe. Yes, she should not have pushed but a firm ‘I just don’t eat a lot of sweets.’, repeated, ad nauseam would have been the ticket. So soft YTA.”
“When people pushed me to eat or do something I just wasn’t going to, I would repeat ‘Thanks but no thanks’ until they stopped or I could walk away.” – Avocadosarecool2000
“YTA. You were annoyed by someone offering you food so you decided to publicly humiliate and belittle them. Having some growing annoyance over time, I can just about understand, but responding that viciously, no. You come off as unhinged.” – sleepiestcatmum
“YTA seriously it’s a slice of cake you arent going to die of a heart attack at 40 over a slice of cake. Also you insulted everyone at the office with that nasty comment.”
“Maybe your coworker was trying to have a bit of fun (Doesn’t make it right) but still if it bothers you so much go to HR instead of making yourself look like a Class A Jerk. All I can say left is start looking for a new job cuz I doubt your coworkers are going to forgive and forget.” – Avato12
YTA. Many people have to put up with annoyances from clients and coworkers daily and don’t lose it like you did. There are quite a few things you could have said besides inferring she was a fat slob. You’re young, and it this will happen to you again multiple times over from friends, family and colleagues.”
“There are lots of books out there about dealing with difficult people. I would track one down so you are better prepared next time.” – Dr_Palomino
“ESH for reasons already stated by others (she should’ve dropped it, you’re plain rude) but I’m also slightly unnerved by your attitude to sweets.”
“Saying/implying/holding the belief that eating sweets once a week will influence your weight is not a healthy mindset unless you’re on an active, time-limited diet for a specific purpose.” – Sakawatchi
“ESH but you were more so.”
“She should not be harrassing you to eat food you don’t want to. You should have cut that off long ago — ‘No thank you.’ once. The second time — politely say ‘I’ve said no. Stop harrassing me.'”
“It’s going to be offered everytime. But neither of you should be harrassing anyone about the consumption or non-consumption of said food.”
“No one is overweight from eating one slice of cake.”
“It’s the 364 other slices they ate the other days of the year.”
“OTOH, I hear it’s a sign of love to take one bite out of multiple slices of cake.” – Tesstarosa13
“YTA”
‘hey OP you gonna try some of this?’
‘mmmm this is good it’s worth the calories’
‘hey OP, why don’t you try some of this cake for Sally’s birthday’
‘oh come on don’t be such a stickler, stop being miserable and enjoy life a little.’
“She was a bit pushy but you didn’t have to bite her head off and insult everyone in the office. The things she said to you did not warrant such an insulting response.”
“The worst thing she said was you act miserable and then you turned around and PROVED her right! There are TONS of ways you could have dealt with this that wouldn’t have been a slap in the face to everyone you work with.”
“You sound fun./s” – JennieGee
Overall, Redditors agreed the OP did, in fact, go too far, even though a good majority also thought the coworker was being overly persistent.
Nevertheless, the OP was slammed for not coming up with a response relating to his own physical well-being instead of making a bitter, implied judgment.