Drinking games can be very revealing. And, in this case, not in a Strip Poker kind of way.
Questions players might ask each other in a drinking game like “Never Have I Ever” might involve having to disclose a debaucherous past or sexual history—all for the sake of scoring social points and to avoid getting blitzed.
Otherwise, it’s bottoms-up.
But in order for such riotous fun to be had, every participant must be, well, game. Pun intended.
Redditor Sea-Style-8531 is a 29-year-old male who did not take this into consideration.
After wondering if he went too far in his quest to go “no holds barred” while playing a drinking game with friends, he visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for submitting an ‘inappropriate’ naughty question at a couples’ drinking game?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Some background: I am a 29-year-old man. My wife is 24. Every couple of weeks, we gather up with some friends on a Skype call to chat and have some drinks.”
“Occasionally we’ll play a game that has somewhat morphed over the years, which basically comes down to us thinking up the most outrageous questions and having to drink if we can’t answer them.”
“Everybody puts questions into a pot and everybody answers (or drinks).”
“In total, we played this game with six people this week. The other relevant people I’ll call Chuck and Mary.”
“After about an hour of drinking and talking, my question got selected at random. The question was ‘If you could sleep with someone other than your husband or wife, who would you pick?’ Chuck immediately looked at Mary and clearly got pretty upset.”
“The thing is Mary had had an affair late last year, and they were working through it. I didn’t exactly forget about this when I made the question, but the questions that we put into the hat are always no-holds-barred.”
“We’ve had ‘have you ever had an STI’ to ‘have you ever paid for sex’ as questions.”
“Mary awkwardly chose to drink when it was her turn and soon after it, they made a lame excuse and logged off. Apparently my question picked at a scab that had not fully healed.”
“Later that night, Chuck sent me a really nasty message blaming me for the fight. I said it more looked like Mary’s fault considering she was the one who planted the damn landmine that we all have to consider now, and they’re both really angry at me.”
“My wife is super non-confrontational so I’m afraid that she’s just agreeing with me to avoid what she’s afraid may be an argument.”
“I’d like a more neutral perspective. Considering the context, did I push it too far?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most people did not approve of his antics.
“I’m finding it difficult to take you at face value here because my strong impression is that you put that question in on purpose just to f*ck with them.” – safetythird3
“Same. I play similar games with my friends, and it’s not uncommon to specifically target someone with a question as long as it’s all in good fun and you know no one will get hurt.”
“There’s a difference between asking something like, ‘never have I ever vomited on someone during sex’ because your friend has a funny story about it that they enjoy sharing, and picking a question that you know can be interpreted in a hurtful way.”
“OP is trying to use this cover of ‘it’s just the game, bro’ which I think is just a cover for trying to cause problems.” – PurrPrinThom
“YTA ‘I didn’t exactly forget about this when I made the question’ seems like you planted this on purposed and then doubled down.”
“Look Mary’s in the wrong for cheating but if they’re trying to work through it why pour salt into their wounds?” – confusedspade97
“Despite OP’s own words, if we gave the benefit of the doubt that he TRULY didn’t mean to stir the pot, why would you not just apologize afterwards?”
“Reply with, ‘Sorry, man. Wasn’t trying to hurt you when I made up the question,’ or whatever, unless that was in fact the intention. YTA.” – aw090
Some Redditors addressed that questions like the one the OP chose should be off-limits for its hurtful potential.
“YTA.Context matters.”
“You knew their situation, and you absolutely knew that this question may make them uncomfortable and caught an argument or other similar outcomes. You chose to do that anyway. That absolutely makes you an a**hole.” – CaptainJeff
“Even without that exact situation, that kind of question is going to upset someone. Even if all the spouses act cool with it, that question is designed to hurt feelings and create tension.” – Music_withRocks_In
“This is a dangerous question to ask regardless.”
“The game is supposed to be fun. ‘Ha ha you paid for sex?!? When?’ Is a little risqué fun.”
“Asking partners to admit this is awkward. Not fun.” – Ruval
“YTA. It is different to ask about past experiences like say an std, or being paid for sex, then to ask a question like this. You said it yourself you didn’t forget about this, and this question was not so good that it had to be asked.” – jam_and_ham
“YTA ‘I said it more looked like Mary’s fault considering she was the one who planted the damn landmine that we all have to consider now…'”
“Do you mean the landmine that you purposely jumped on? The one where you were like ‘if you were going to cheat, who would you cheat with? Mary, looking at you…?'”
“HA! Yeah, you know you’re an a**hole.” – J0sey_W4les_23
“YTA. You knew this, and you brought it up in front of others as a form of entertainment? ‘But it’s no holds barrrrrred!!!!!’ Yeah. You are pretty immature if you think life is a big sandbox you get to sh*t in anywhere you feel like, and because you have surrounded yourself with other immature people it should be fine.”
“Expect to spend a ton of alone time in your life if this is your idea of a good time.”
“I have couple of dear friends who are religious. I am not. We have played Cards Against Humanity with them and they politely asked ‘hey we actually don’t like cards that have to do with Jesus – just something we hold dear and don’t like to make fun of.’ NO PROBLEM!”
“I personally would find those cards HILARIOUS, but these are my friends. I actually CARE about their well being, and they care about mine. I cannot imagine we would friends very long if I didn’t have empathy for them.”
“And I go back to ‘no holds barred’ – grow up. Feelings matter. Emotions are the strands that connect us to others. You are severing those strands.” – ncwaterdaddy
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was TA (the a**hole) for deliberately trying to stir the pot and being insensitive to his friends’ personal history.