Raise your hand if you’ve spent hours mindlessly scrolling through TikTok. I raised mine immediately.
But, once TikTok starts taking over your life and your priorities falling through the sidelines you need to change your habits.
Redditor BraveField encountered this very issue with their husband. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for not telling him dinner is ready?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband has an obsession with TikTok he’s 40 btw not 14.”
“He takes his phone to the bathroom and will spend ages just mindlessly scrolling. We have 2 young kids and I think he just does it for some peace.”
“But it means I’m constantly having to go and knock on the door are you ok? Are you going to be long? Will you come and help with the tiny humans?”
“It’s a pain in the a**.”
Still, OP took care of the kids and made dinner.
“I was making a full roast dinner and saw him heading off upstairs. I said it’ll be ready in 20 minutes don’t be long.”
“Set the table, finished cooking, plated up got the kids to the table and just thought I’m not going to seek him this is ridiculous.”
“I 100% wanted to see how long it would take him to come out on his own- 2 hours and 10 minutes.”
“In that time we had finished the meal, I had cleaned the kitchen and the floor, done the dishes and done a load of laundry and the kids were half way through a film.”
OP’s husband was annoyed.
“He came down and and yelled at me that I should have told him the meal was ready. I told him I’m not his mother and it’s not my job to go and seek him.”
“He’s stormed out saying he’s not eating his meal now as roast dinners are rubbish heated in the microwave and this is all my fault and IATA.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“Are you SURE he’s not 14? Storming out because you didn’t tell him the dinner you made was ready after you told him it would be 20 minutes is something a 14yo would do.”
“A 40yo should apologize for taking so long and thank you for making dinner, feeding his kids and cleaning up.”
“You two need to have a long talk about this.” ~ PushkinMage
“To be fair, a reasonable 40 year wouldn’t likely spend 2.5 hours ensconced in a toilet, dicking with their phone while their family went about their day, either.”
“I don’t get *enough* time with my family, no matter how much time I get with my family and I get a LOT of time with my family.”
“I like the occasional break for an hour long nap or I may send the wife off to the store with the boys to get a bit of ‘me’ time. But, I’m not really happy unless I’m generally immersed in my family’s activities. I also don’t mind sending the wife off to a nap or taking the boys out for a break for her.”
“It’s about sanity and balance.”
“But, deliberately separating myself for hours so I can play on the internet? That’s just repulsive, to me.”
“Kids need a model for healthy behavior. Jamming your nose into your phone for hours on end isn’t a good example to set for them. Neither is locking yourself away, missing a family meal to do it or yelling at your spouse for your lack of self-control.” ~ hkusp45css
Some were wondering if there is something deeper.
“Depression most likely. Avoidance of dealing with the stresses and anxieties of life, the things that are making him miserable and that he won’t deal with. Not saying that’s his family btw, but any time spent ‘in the real world’ could lead him there.”
“Definitely one for counseling to work through IMO.” ~ Rayvinblade
“Except mistaking mental illness for poor self-discipline does much more harm to the person than the other way around.”
“EDIT: As someone else in the replies said, counseling will do good regardless of whether OP’S husband is lazy or has a mental illness preventing him from meeting his responsibilities (and honestly yeah, being the AH in this situation).”
“If he has a mental illness, counseling/therapy is exactly what he needs. If it’s due to laziness, then a counselor could help him recognize his patterns of unhealthy behavior and help him change that.”
“Either way as a person with multiple mental illnesses (some of which are very stigmatized) and as a psychology student, I do not feel that assumptions about character should be made before considering alternative explanations.”
“This is an example of what is often known as the fundamental attribution error, or the human tendency to assume other people’s behaviors are a reflection of their character, not due to the situation/context of the behavior.” ~ overly_emoti0nal
Many say OP’s husband is just an A**hole.
“There are multiple men in my family who go in the bathroom for hours to hide from their families. They’re just a**holes” ~ thecorninurpoop
“This. My husband will go up to take a shower, fuck around on his phone for 45 minutes, shower for another 45 minutes to an hour, and then spend half an hour ‘air drying’ (on the bed with his phone).”
“He’ll take 45 minutes mansh*ts, also.”
“I know he’s got depression and also unrelated executive processing issues/time blindness. So do I. I have no sympathy.”
“I understand 15 minute breaks. I do that sometimes when someone else is there to watch the kid, because our 4 year old is intense. But it gets ridiculous. I don’t care what my husband’s mental state is. If I can push on and keep doing what I have to do, so can he.”
“And if he can’t, he needs to go back to his damn doctor and get his meds adjusted.” ~ SpyGlassez
“Hold up, he spent 2 and a half hours in the toilet watching Tiktok. He’s an absolute a**hat”
“He knows he spent too long, even after 20 minutes he knew he was sat there too long. Can’t believe he is moaning at you! He’s either an adult or he’s not.”
“He’s certainly not a parent.”
“Parents don’t expect even 8 minutes in the toilet if they are lucky.” ~ JSJ34
It’s time to delete TikTok.