Death is a difficult thing to anticipate but many do what they can to make plans ahead of time.
Redditor aitastepmumdad faced pushback from their family over their late mother’s arrangements.
The 24-year-old man turned to the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit for feedback on their decision, asking:
“AITA for not letting my step mum be buried with my dad?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“When I was very young my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He survived but it was very close and my mum bought a 3 person burial site in our local cemetery just in case he died so that one day we could be buried together.”
“About 5 years after his cancer scare my mum died in an accident at work.”
“Pretty much immediately after my step mum came into the picture. It was pretty clear from the get go that she was only interested in dad because of mum’s life insurance plus the accidental death payout.”
“She had 2 kids from prior marriages (dad was her third). My dad was devastated from losing mum and I think he just saw my step mum as an easy person to comfort him.”
“I absolutely do not blame him for the sh*t she put me through.”
“My preteen and teen years sucked because of her, I was continuously bullied by her kids and her, I wasn’t allowed to join sports teams or socialize after school. If I wasn’t studying then I was cleaning and if I protested then I would go without meals.”
“My dad died about 8 years after mum did and my step mum immediately kicked me out. I was only 15 at the time.”
“There was a huge fight over my dad’s assets because he left almost everything to me.”
“Long story short she has just died. Her children have approached me and asked that she be buried next to dad and mum.”
“I have refused. They’re now lambasting me all over [social media] and to mutual friends accusing me of being mean and that she was dad’s wife and should be buried next to him.”
”AITA here?”
Redditors decided who the real AH is in this situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors came to the conclusion that OP was NTA here.
“NTA. She made it clear by kicking you out as a CHILD that you are not her family. Why should she be buried next to yours?“~DullCode7213
”She has two other husbands she can be buried next to (to whom each kid has a connection as the father). Pick one of those. NTA”~rainyhawk
“Exactly. What monster kicks out a 15 yo orphan? I doubt your dad would want to be buried with her if he knew what she did to you.”
“Also, it’s kind of weird that your step siblings want to bury your stepmom with your mother. In fact you would bury a woman with the deceased wife of her late husband.”
“NTA. Please don’t let your step siblings take advantage of you.”~poeza_fluffy
“NTA. That is a family plot allocated prior to their marriage. Had he any intention of being buried with her, your dad would have taken the means to do so.”
“Ignore them, block them, whatever. You have done nothing wrong. It’s not her resting place.”~smoocheepoo
“Even Cinderella’s stepmother didn’t kick her out of the house. NTA. I’m sorry for everything you went through growing up.”~Elegant_Occasion4435
“NTA. Your mom purchased the plots specifically for the three of you. You don’t owe your stepmom anything.”~Confusion-Advanced
“NTA Your bio-parents made their requests pretty clear when they got the three of you plots together. Your dad had years to update his wishes if he had wanted to.”
”At this point the decision is yours and you are allowed to make it however you want. Given how things went between all of you, I agree with your sentiment and encourage you to stay strong.”~GlassFrog_9
“NTA. I would continue to refuse. Your mother bought the 3-person burial site with the sweet intention of her, your dad, and you being together after death.”
“From the sounds of it, your step-monster made no effort to be part of your life and certainly ensured you weren’t part of hers.”
”Her kids have no right to demand that she be buried there. I imagine your mother would find it abhorrent as well, were she alive. So sorry for all the loss you’ve been through, btw.”~mushityke
Some commenters thought the step-siblings had alternative reasons for wanting OP to give in.
“Adding to the top comment because this is crucial: they’re absolutely asking because the lot and vault are already definitely paid for. Funerals are expensive, but a lot and a vault for a new gravesite basically double the cost of a funeral.”
”That OP already has one that’s (probably definitely) paid for is a huge expense that the stepkids won’t have to cover if she caves. F*ck ’em, OP. NTA”~dramaandaheadache
“Yup. You know they just want the free burial plot, since their mom apparently didn’t take care of her own funeral arrangements when she was alive.”
“NTA, and I hope you block their numbers and emails, OP.”~Purple_Midnight_Yak
“The plot they are demanding is also the plot OP’s mom bought for OP. Definitely NTA.”
“I hope dad is in the middle plot so they can’t even try and work the evil step-mom into an adjacent one.”~Calfer
“NTA. You own the grave. It’s yours.”
“The empty plot is for you when your time comes. That’s why your mom bought it.”
“Don’t waste it on her. They can buy their mother a plot they actually have a right to, not mooch a free one off of someone she abused.”~Luna-Strange
It’s extremely difficult to deal with the death of loved ones and grief without added stress. We wish OP the best.