Pregnancy is not easy.
On anybody!
The joy is equaled by the worry and the stress.
And it can be a very difficult time for couples.
Especially when it comes to the daily dinner menu.
Case in point…
Redditor igorhevaj to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for going to my friend’s house when my wife told me to f**k off?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (28 M[ale}) wife (27 F[emale}) is 7 months pregnant.”
“Since she’s been pregnant, she has been having a go at me for small things, like if I don’t make dinner for her, or when I cook her the wrong thing.”
“Before she was pregnant, she was never like this; she was always very sweet.”
“Yesterday my wife came back from her parent’s house, and I made homemade pizza for us.”
“She told me she doesn’t want pizza and to cook her something else.”
“I told her if it’s quick and easy I’ll make it, she asked for homemade chicken dumplings.”
“I told her I’m not making that because that will take ages.”
“She told me she’s pregnant and is craving dumplings.”
“I told her ‘I know you’re pregnant, but I’m not making dumplings for you.'”
“She started having a rage that I wouldn’t cook her something.”
“It was 6 pm at night I’m not whipping out all these ingredients.”
“I told her to make it herself or to not have anything.”
“When I had my pizza she was sitting on the couch sobbing saying that I don’t love her or the baby.”
“I told her I’ll make dumplings tomorrow night for her but not tonight.”
“She told me to f**k off somewhere else.”
“I asked my friend if I could stay the night with him and he said yes.”
“Packed clothes and slammed the door behind me.”
“When I was halfway to my friends, my wife texted me begging for me to come back, so I told her to f**k off as she did with me.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I’ve had 3 kids of my own.”
“I’ve been around significant portions of the MANY pregnancies of my siblings, and yes, hormones are awful.”
“But they DO NOT give a woman a free pass to be abusive and then absolute immunity to repercussions.”
“Maybe you could have worded your response better and told her that, no, you weren’t coming home because you needed time to cool off.”
“But just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean that you don’t get to feel upset or hurt by her actions.” ~ Nihlys
“I agree with your NTA judgment, and I don’t like people who use pregnancy as an excuse to be a jerk.”
“But the fact that OP says his wife was never like this before late in the pregnancy tells me there might be something else going on.”
“My sister was like this when she was pregnant with her first.”
“She had a FULL personality change about month 5-6 and started snapping at people, yelling, had zero temper or tolerance, quit her dream job, had cravings for food she was deathly allergic to, and would break down sobbing because she couldn’t have them.”
“It f**king sucked and the family has no idea how or why her husband stayed with her.”
“When my niece was born my sister had severe post-partum depression that necessitated a few weeks in a treatment facility (though I think some of that depression was exacerbated by how badly her relationships had been affected).”
“Her second and third pregnancies were pretty standard although after #2 she lost the ability to watch anything scarier than Hocus Pocus without crying, so that’s weird.”
“I only bring this up to say that pregnancy affects different bodies in different ways and some people can be severely physically or mentally affected by pregnancy far beyond what most of the population experiences.”
“It’s possible that the way she’s acting right now is not a permanent personality change or really something she’s in full control of.”
“It’s a big red flag saying she needs to meet with a professional to get this in hand and make sure that it doesn’t turn into anything more serious like P[rinciples] and P[ractice] of D[rug] D[evelopment].”
“That’s not to excuse the behavior or say that OP was wrong in any way.”
“I’m a fan of the phrase ‘your mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility,’ and it’s the responsibility of OP’s wife to get help and figure out what’s going on.” ~ agent_raconteur
“I’d say NTA, too.”
“I think it would have been better to say, ‘You told me to f**k off, so I have f**ked off” rather than telling her to, but I know I wouldn’t when in the moment and feeling angry.”
“She needs consequences to her actions to recognize they’re wrong.”
“You offered to do something, and she declined.”
“She’s pregnant, not disabled, so could have either requested something specific earlier or cooked for herself if the pizza wasn’t okay.”
“Yes, hormones DO make us all wild at times, and having never been pregnant, I can only imagine the horrible upheaval and don’t think she’s the worst human for this.”
“But she can’t use it as an excuse to be an ar*e.”
“If, and a very big if, she’d have apologized instantly and said she was out of order for how she spoke to you.”
“Then maybe I’d have gone home after a few hours, but your friend stepped up when you needed them, and changing their plans twice in a night isn’t fair, either.”
“She needs to learn how to articulate her needs and remember that however hard it is, she’s not got a personal slave, only a partner.” ~ Important_Sprinkles9
“I’m pregnant too, and I don’t do any of this sh*t.”
“My husband works long hours, and I only complain if he comes too late, 9 pm or so (which I did before anyways).”
“I’d be more than thrilled if he cooked me homemade pizza.”
“This lady needs to chill out and apologize. NTA.” ~ Cristin86
“I don’t get why so many think that just because you’re pregnant, you get to be a d**k.”
I’m a mother of two and those hormones sucked so bad.”
“I remember crying over the animal shelter ads and not being able to tie my shoe.”
“But I wasn’t ever an a**hole.”
“OP, she is abusing you.”
“If the roles were reversed everyone would say leave the abuser.”
“If I were you I’d tell the wife she either gets her s**t straight or you are leaving and filing for full custody after the child is born. NTA.” ~ Stolitz_666
“NTA- Just because she’s pregnant that doesn’t give her the right to boss you around or emotionally manipulate you or be verbally abusive.”
“You fixed dinner. She didn’t like it. Oh well!”
“She could have ordered it or fixed it herself.”
“She’s not handicapped or on bed rest so why people are on here saying YTA or EHS is ridiculous.” ~ jcola29
“NTA, OP. I’m currently five months pregnant.”
“There have definitely been nights where my husband or I have cooked something for dinner only for me to realize it doesn’t sound appetizing.”
“Sometimes I can manage to get it down.”
“And when I can’t I either eat a bunch of snacks or drive my a** to McDonald’s and get my own food that I can eat without gagging.”
“There’s only been one time in the first trimester that I needed him to make me a second dinner because I was just too nauseous.”
“And I made sure to only ask for plain pasta with butter because it was quick and easy.”
“Pregnancy hormones and cravings are a *itch, but your wife is being completely unreasonable.” ~ MiniatureAppendix
“NTA. Pregnancy hormones can be overwhelming to experience, but is no excuse for continued bad behavior.”
“She’s the AH for acting like a spoiled child and asking you to F off, but it isn’t great that you chose to respond in kind.”
“Was this normal behavior from her pre-pregnancy?”
“If not, why don’t you try to have a conversation with her when you’re both calm about her mood swings and how it’s impacting you.”
“Maybe she needs to speak to a professional if she’s having a hard time managing her emotions and it’s impacting her relationships.” ~ BackgroundPoem3735
“NTA. It’s actually very refreshing to be on a feed where not everyone is immediately acting like pregnant women are saints who have no control.”
“There’s this weird phenomenon on the internet at the moment at as soon as someone is pregnant they are no longer responsible for their actions and must be treated like finest porcelain, lest they weep a single tear.”
“Having been there and done that, yes it’s horrid and hard at points, but you don’t get to have temper tantrums and sob that your partner doesn’t love you or the baby just because you aren’t immediately getting your way.”
“Sounds like this was the straw that broke the camel’s back for OP.” ~ knittingneedles321
Well OP, sounds like Reddit is with you.
It seems like you’re doing your best.
It may be time for a quiet sit down with the wife, and y’all can vent your thoughts.
It’s a stressful part of the journey.