Redditor Throwaway329987 recently had a surprise encounter with a bounty hunter.
The incident shocked the Original Poster (OP), who was not the individual the bounty hunter was after.
Instead, it was the OP’s brother who had skipped out on a court date.
The OP was not happy the bounty hunter had his address, and ended up sending the bounty hunter to the location he assumed his brother would be at.
This caused familial conflict, ultimately leading the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
He asked:
“AITA for telling a bounty hunter where to find my brother when he apparently lied and listed my address on his paperwork to the bail bonds company…”
“…and then skipped his court date?”
He went on to explain.
“My [22-year-old Male] brother [35-year-old Male] has spent his life in and out of jail. He was arrested again a couple months ago for god knows what.”
“He posted bail through a bondsman and was released.”
“Long story short, I just happened to be sitting in my dining room eating dinner, when there’s a knock on the door. I open it and it’s a man wearing a bullet proof vest .”
“He looks confusingly at a piece of paper, and asks, ” is ____ here right now”. I told him that ___ is my brother and he doesn’t live here.”
“The man then proceeds to tell me that my brother missed court and the bondsman is out for $25,000, and they’re looking for him. He asked if I knew where to find him”
“I gave the man an address for a friends house that my brother goes to 90% of the time for parties, drugs, etc.”
“Well they caught him there and now his bail has been revoked and he’s back in jail. No bail bonds company will lend to him now and no other friends or family can afford to give him the money.”
“I’m sure as hell not giving him anything after the stunt he pulled. He’ll just have to stay in jail untill his trial now.”
“My mom, aunt, sister, and grandma have all been blowing up my phone the past few days with messages on facebook…”
“…about how much of a ‘terrible person’ I am for ‘getting my poor brother in trouble’.”
“I’m starting to feel a little guilty now, but I don’t appreciate him possibly getting me arrested or worse by lying and using my address.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA. All the problems your brother has right now are all his doing.”
“Do your family really thought he could hide forever, or that lying and involving you in his illegal activities without your consent was somehow ok ?!” – MaybeAWalrus
“Im not going to sugar coat this. F*ck him and the family that enables him.”
“I’m sure they’re not upset with him for missing his court date or for lying about his address to avoid getting caught. NTA.” – caucasian88
“NTA…. As someone who also has a problematic brother who caused YEARS of stress, strain, money (so much money spent for his f*ck ups)…”
“…and pain from all his sh*tty stupid choices, you did the right thing.”
“Ur brother needs to own up to his sh*tty life choices which are ILLEGAL ONES THAT HE CONTINUES TO ACTIVELY CHOOSE TO MAKE.”
“Its time for him to face some d*mn consequence for his actions instead of having ur parents bail him out time and time again.”
“After years of putting up with my brothers sh*t, I did something of the same as you and he spent years in prison and now has finally cleaned himself up…”
“…so stay optimistic that ur efforts might do the same. 🤞” – kiD_Vish_ish
“NTA”
“He tried to conscript you in his attempt to obstruct justice. Had you played along, you wouldn’t ultimately have helped him”
“Virtually no one gets away forever – and you probably would’ve gotten charged yourself. He had no right to force that on you.” – He_Who_Is_Person
“NTA – he lied and put you and anyone in your house in danger. We’ve all seen the reports of bounty hunters getting aggressive and even deaths.”
“So if I were in your shoes, I’d have given them the information as well. You didn’t do ANYTHING to get him in trouble, he did it all on his own.” – Lurkingentropy
“NTA”
“Your brother involved you in his ridiculous dramatic life of crime. He should have left you out of it. He played around and he found out.”
“It wouldn’t have been hard to not involve you, but he did. He never asked you beforehand if it was okay or anything. Oh well. He gets what he gets. That’ll learn ‘im.” – MojoDojoCasaHouse213
“NTA, at all. Ur brother is making horrible life decisions, and is facing the consequences.”
“Ur family sounds like mine with my cousin: the dude is nearly 40, has been in and out of jail for years and has cost the family probably over 100k over the years.”
“And yet my aunt and uncle (and formerly my late grandma) insist on bailing him out every time.”
“Some people are just incapable of separating emotions from these situations.” – DetectiveSame5827
“Dude…just cut contact with these people, they’re clearly all trashy people. What did they expect you to do? Let this guy take you instead?”
“NTA your brother belongs in prison and the rest of your family belongs FIIIRMLY in ‘no contact’” – HUNGWHITEBOI25
“Your brother put this on himself. It was his actions, his lying, and his not showing up to his court dat that caused this situation.”
“If your brother had showed up for his court case, the bondsman’s would never have come to your address and you would never have known of his lying.”
“You told the the truth when you were asked a question.”
“NTA” – Aggravating-Pain9249
“NTA. ‘Your poor brother’ got himself in trouble by breaking the law, skipping out on bail and lying about his address, etc.”
“If you interfere you could get in a lot of trouble. I’d suggest you remind your family of this but I get the feeling they wouldn’t listen.”
“Don’t let them get to you. You didn’t do anything wrong here.” – KickLiving
“NTA! He made his own bed. Let him lay on it…”
“He is the one who decided to lie to the bail bond company and then miss his court date… how are you responsible for any of it??…”
“Your brother and your family allowing him to play victim are the ones in the wrong here… not you.” – RavenclawEC
“NTA. Your brother is a 35-year-old MAN.”
“He’s old enough to make his decisions, and your relative’s reactions and how non-seriously they take his poor decisions and behavior is the reason he is the way he is.”
“They’re just enabling his bad behavior. They didn’t have any comments on the bail jumping or him trying to drag you into his mess?” – dunks615
“NTA. He potentially put you in danger. Interactions with bail bondsmen sometimes go wrong and turn violent.”
“Your brother sent that potential to you. Screw him like he’s the slowest sheep in Montana.” – DangerousDave303
“Nta.”
“Tell your family”
“I am bad for getting him in trouble? What trouble is that? The trouble that got him arrested in the first place. The trouble that made him skip his court date.”
“Oh how about the trouble of lie of where he lives to the bail bonds. Oh, maybe it is the trouble of being terrified when people in bulletproof vests come banging on my door.”
“Is that the trouble you mean? Or maybe the cost of 25k for whoever put that up they would have lost because he skipped court.”
“If you feel those are me getting him in trouble. That it’s acceptable to do whatever he did to get arrested.”
“Lie. Avoid the consequences. If that’s acceptable to you and acceptable to place me in the middle of it, which could get me charged with aiding because of it.”
“Then maybe you need to look long and hard at yourself. Look at what you taught people about this. To blame me for him doing all that means you taught him the bad habits.”
“Maybe it’s best if we take a break on any relationship because I do not want to be family with people who don’t care about what it caused me or could have caused me.” – tiny-pest
The OP went on to update his original post.
“Sorry for not posting this earlier. I’m still pretty shaken up from the encounter with the bounty hunter 2 nights ago. I hope you guys see this”
“So, I talked to everyone involved last night (except for my brother; he already used up his phone call asking Mom for more money )”
I hate to say it, but my family is still in denial that my brother’s behavior is a problem. They still think that I should have hidden him to ‘keep him out of trouble.’”
“They don’t care about the danger that he put me in”
“My mom doesn’t care that she and my father won’t have any retirement money left if they keep bailing him out.”
“My sister, aunt, and grandmother each took a turn lecturing me on ‘family is everything’ and ‘we look out for each other, you should’ve taken one for the team.’”
“As of last night, I’m officially NC with my mom, aunt, sister, and grandmother.”
“I’ve decided that if they want to go down with my sinking ship of a brother, than they can do that. But I want no part of it.”
“I wanted to thank each and every one of you guys in the thread for the advice and kind words.”
“Edit: I checked with my bank and credit card companies this morning to make sure my brother didn’t pull any other stunts under my name. Everything came back clear.”
Best of luck, OP. This is not your circus to handle.