We all know that some relationships are going to fail, but when we are broken up with, it’d be nice to know why the relationship is ending.
Because since we can technically end a relationship for any reason, some of the reasons used are a little out there, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Available-Band-6474 thought that he and his girlfriend had a good understanding of what they each found attractive in a partner. That was until his girlfriend started to let her body hair grow out.
When she wouldn’t listen to his concerns about her appearance, the Original Poster (OP) gave her an ultimatum: shave or breakup.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my girlfriend I will break up with her if she doesn’t shave?”
The OP and his girlfriend discussed likes and dislikes early in their relationship.
“I (25 Male) and my girlfriend (23 Female) have been together for a year, almost two years.”
“When we first got together, it was great. I had literally no complaints about her, and something I even told her early on in the relationship during a conversation about our likes and dislikes is that I don’t find body hair on women attractive.”
“What I mean by body hair, I’m only talking about the armpits and legs. Everything else, I don’t care. I told her I don’t mind stubble or just a little bit of growth, but full-blown long leg and armpit hair, I don’t find attractive at all.”
“She didn’t mind that I had that preference because she told me she doesn’t like the sensation of body hair on her.”
The OP didn’t appreciate when his girlfriend’s likes and dislikes shifted.
“Well, recently, she started growing out her body hair. Her armpits and legs almost look like mine now.”
“I’ve asked her multiple times about it, not to remove it straight up but to explain why she had been growing it out.”
“She explained that she saw a TikTok about body positivity, and it made her feel more confident.”
The OP gave his girlfriend an ultimatum.
“I tried to like it, but I can’t. It doesn’t look good. I finally told her straight-up that I don’t find it attractive.”
“She didn’t like that and said she didn’t want me to be like ‘one of those men.'”
“I told her if she didn’t shave, I was going to break up with her since I don’t find her attractive because of this.”
“Let’s just say she got extremely p**sed off and said that I’m never gonna find a woman that shaves daily for me.”
“AITAH?”
As the comments started to come in, the OP gave a clarification.
“I thought I’d add more info since some people are trying to twist it. I never said shave daily. I even said in the post I don’t care about SOME body hair.”
“She had her leg and armpit hair grown out for months, all while I was asking her about it. It was extremely long and not taken care of, and I cannot be forced to like it, lol (laughing out loud).”
“I did not tell her at the very beginning that I was going to break up with her; I only told her that after multiple attempts of asking her about it and saying I was not attracted to it.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that neither of them was the AH for having their own preferences.
“NAH. You two are growing up and maturing, so you both will change. Time to move on. You’ll find someone who shaves, and she’ll find someone who accepts her for who she is.”
“Good luck to you both.” – lynnlugg7777
“You should just break up. She doesn’t care about being attractive to you anymore, and you are not attracted to her with her new choices.”
“NAH, because she has the right to do what she wants with her body, and you have the right to not be attracted to the changes.” – scrapqueen
“NAH. Physical attraction is important, so is feeling comfortable in your own body no matter how hairy.”
“However, I would encourage you to get over that before you settle down into marriage because I can d**n near guarantee your wife will go long periods without shaving her legs, even if she doesn’t feel that way now. Especially if you have children.”
“My legs AND pits have rivaled my husband’s, and that’s saying something since he’s basically a bear in human form. And not because I didn’t want to shave, but because I had more important things to spend my limited time on, or because I was just too d**n exhausted.” – Spare-Valuable8031
“NAH. She doesn’t have to shave just to make you happy, and you don’t have to like her body hair or stay in this relationship. You two are growing and are now incompatible. That’s no one’s fault.”
“If this isn’t something you like and is a deal breaker for you, then break up and move on. Find a partner who shaves. But do not threaten her, and do not try to force her to change for you. That makes you the AH.”
“PS. Very few women shave every single day, OP. It’s not good for our skin to shave daily. Some do, but most don’t.” – nousernamesleft24
“Well, it’s a preference, and that’s understandable. If she isn’t willing to shave and you can’t stand the hair, just leave the relationship if that’s your limit to it.”
“But if you love her and think there’s a future there, is really the body hair that big of a deal?! Are you really throwing away an amazing relationship and a good future because of body hair?! Think about it, and if it isn’t that much of a good relationship, just leave.” – UnusualDevice8011
Others reassured the OP he wasn’t the AH for not liking his girlfriend’s appearance changes.
“Everyone says NAH, but this is NTA.”
“She is not an AH for not wanting to shave. But getting super mad at OP for not finding it attractive is the AH move.”
“Initially, it did seem like she understood his preference because she did not enjoy the feeling of body hair against her. But now he’s an a-hole? What switched? Just social media?” – Minorihaaku
“NTA. I’ve been married 12 years and one of the things that keeps us good is that we both do things that the other wants us to do. Nothing crazy, but it’s the sum of all the little things that have us growing together. These things change over time, but I don’t think twice about it because we love each other.”
“Early on, she wanted me to shave MY body hair. Now she likes me hairy. I used to love her nose ring. Then I told her I didn’t care for it anymore and she took it out.”
“These weren’t ultimatums. Just little preferences that we are happy to accommodate because we love each other.” – KYpineapple
“Nah, it’s a preference. If my wife told me today she preferred I shave my beard, which I’ve had for three years, it’d be gone today. Because I want her to be attracted to me—the same as her legs for me.”
“We’re grown adults who love each other and like seeing the other smile and be turned on by the other. That’s sorta how marriage works.” – Sir_Uncle_Bill
“NTA. You entered into a relationship with someone with a certain set of preferences. Preferences that you clearly stated when you first met, and at that time, she agreed with those. I have no doubt she also has certain preferences.”
“She has now done a complete 180 and is choosing to do something you find physically unattractive. I highly doubt she’d appreciate it if you decided to stop bathing in the name of ‘body positivity’ because of a TikTok trend.”
“If she wants to stop shaving, fine. Whatever makes her feel good about herself. But she should not expect you to suddenly find a hairy body attractive when she knows perfectly well that you don’t because you clearly explained this early on in the relationship.”
“Like it or not, physical attractiveness is a huge part of maintaining a happy relationship. If your partner suddenly starts choosing to do something you find physically repulsive, it’s ridiculous to expect you to just get over it and accept being repulsed in the name of love.” – Veruca_Saltier
“NTA.”
“You told her you don’t like body hair in the early stages of the relationship, and she agreed with you. Then she changed her mind and decided that she didn’t mind body hair. There’s nothing wrong with her changing her mind; human beings tend to do that over time. There’s also nothing wrong with you sticking to your boundaries.”
“Sadly, you might have to end things here. You can’t force her to change, just like you can’t force yourself to all of a sudden like body hair on women, regardless of love.”
“You are allowed to break up with someone for any reason.” – dw0rfsh0rtage
Some rated the OP as NTA but cautioned him against “threatening” his girlfriend.
“NTA, but I have a quibble. Never threaten. Actions should have consequences, but threats poison the water of discussion. Once it’s evident that the thing you find intolerable is not going to change, leave.”
“Deeds, not words.” – botgeek1
“I’m going to say NAH. You’re allowed not to like it, but she’s also allowed to do what she wants with her body.”
“However, your comment was a**hole-y. If this is a dealbreaker for you, end it instead of trying to get her to change.” – MercifulOtter
“NAH. You’re just not sexually compatible anymore, and if that’s a deal breaker for you, that sucks, but it doesn’t really make you an a**hole. When you talk to her about separating, just make sure you don’t give any hint of ultimatum (shave or I’ll break up with you).” – _F**k_What
“It’s not the attraction/non-attraction that’s the issue, and it’s how you went about it.”
“Depending on what she means, you may exactly be ‘one of those men.’ Own it, stop beating around the bush, and break up with her if it’s a real dealbreaker. Let her think what she wants about you; you are obviously already thinking what you want about her.” – Tino-DBA
“NTA. You can break up with people for whatever reason you want.”
“YTA for trying to force a shaving routine on someone. I don’t know that you understand the amount of work and effort it takes for you to ‘feel attracted’ based on lack of hair. At the end of the day, if you’re with someone, hair shouldn’t stand in the way. It’s an awfully shallow position to take and even worse if you’re trying to force it and make someone bend to it.” – SirRevolutionary1299
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“I looked through the majority of comments, and I understand that I am an a**hole.”
“I decided to break it off with her.”
“She did not take it lightly, decided to insult me, and threatened to break my stuff. She ended up leaving, though, after some time to stay at her mom’s house.”
“I didn’t realize at the time it was f**ked up of me to give her an ultimatum about this, so I deserved the insults.”
“Thanks for the judgments, but in the end, I decided it would be good for us to move on from each other.”
While the subReddit agreed that everyone has preferences and some people will not find body hair attractive on their partners, they were also against the OP’s delivery and priorities.
Giving his girlfriend an ultimatum to stay in the relationship was not a good look.
If he was willing to end a two-year relationship with someone he supposedly really liked over some body hair, he either didn’t like her nearly as much as he said or he needed to reevaluate what was important in life and love.