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Guy Tricks Overweight Husband Into Eating Vegan Lasagna Because He Wants Him To ‘Get Skinnier’

Two men eat lasagna and drink red wine
Cavan Images/Getty Images

Caring for a person’s health is a kind thing to do.

But how goes about caring is where the waters can get murky.

There are many ways to help a person get fit or eat better.

And lying isn’t often on the list.

Case in point…

Redditor Wise_Art_6643 to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for tricking my partner into eating a vegan meal?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So, here’s the deal: I (M[ale] 43) have been vegan for about a year now, and my husband (M 48) is a meat-and-potatoes kind of person.”

“He loves his steak and bacon and generally isn’t too interested in trying vegan options.”

“However, I’ve been trying to get him to at least consider eating more plant-based meals for the sake of his health.”

“I get worried for him sometimes because he is very fat, and his B[ody] M[ass] I[ndex] is also quite high.”

“I’ve been trying to cook healthy meals for him, encouraging him to exercise, and getting creative with the dishes I make, but my partner just doesn’t seem interested.”

“That’s why, last Saturday night, I decided to take matters into my own hands.”

“I made a delicious vegan lasagna for dinner, not mentioning to my partner that it was completely plant-based.”

“To my surprise, my partner loved the lasagna and even asked for seconds.”

“It wasn’t until after dinner that I let it slip that the dish was vegan and my partner was less than pleased.”

“I defended my decision by telling them that I’ve been worried for their health and want them to get skinnier and be better.”

“But my partner said it was very immature of me and I could have talked to him directly.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP and everybody (ESH) WAS the A**hole.

“I fail to see how tricking him into eating something vegan is supposed to improve his health.”

“Just because something is vegan it doesn’t make it healthier than non-vegan options.”

“Oreos are vegan. ETA: ESH” ~ BeepBlipBlapBloop

“This 100%.”

“My doctor had me change my diet to whole food plant-based for health reasons.”

“She highly discouraged going vegan because there are lots of unhealthy, processed foods that are labeled vegan – which those foods are vegan.”

“But just because something is vegan does not necessarily mean it is healthier.”

“Cutting out refined flours, refined sugars and processed foods are the real key to eating healthy.” ~ laurajodonnell

“I don’t think OP was malicious.”

“I read it as more like… the husband is convinced that he would not enjoy a vegan meal and OP wanted him to try a meal without his natural bias affecting his determination of whether he liked it or not.”

“It’s not a secret that dairy and red meat are best consumed in moderation.”

“And I’m not sure why OP trying to give her husband a meal that would help him with this moderation while still being hearty and satisfying is a horrible thing.”

“It’s a tricky line to walk and of course what works for OP won’t necessarily work for her husband or the general population.”

“But, I think her husband is overreacting a bit here.”

“She just wants him to be healthy.”

“If he wants her to ‘just talk to him,’ then he needs to be open-minded enough to consider what she is saying.” ~ BoomBoomJacob

“YTA. Not for ‘tricking’ him into eating a vegan meal, non-vegans don’t need meat/dairy at EVERY meal, and it’s weird and immature to be offended by the idea of eating and enjoying a vegan lasagna.”

“YTA for your approach to his weight and health.”

“Eating vegan food won’t make him thinner or healthier, necessarily.”

“And you can’t trick or force anyone into getting thinner or healthier.”

“He’s an adult, and he’s right – you should have talked to him directly, and tricking anyone into eating anything is pretty immature.”

“Treat your partner like an adult and have a serious conversation about his weight, OR leave him and his diet alone.”  ~ aitchbee

“I think it’s definitely an a**hole move to give somebody something to eat while knowing they wouldn’t eat it willingly.”

“Not because he needs meat/dairy but because it takes away the person’s right to decide for themselves.”

“Just because it’s not as far in the a**hole territory like putting allergens in their food doesn’t mean it’s not wrong.”  ~ Icyblue_Dragon

“To me, it’s OP’s intention that makes what he did considered ‘tricking’ his husband.”

“In a lot of similar stories in this sub where a vegan makes a meal for non-vegans who then get upset about the lack of meat, the vegan doesn’t do so with the intention to make the other people eat healthier or whatever.”

“They’re usually just making a meal and offering to share with anyone who wants it.”

“But that’s not what OP did here.”

“He’s pushing his nutritional beliefs onto his husband and is trying to make the choice for him to alter his diet in accordance to OP’s wants.”

“And I’m not going to say that wanting your partner to eat healthy is the worst thing in the world.”

‘But it’s definitely not okay to act like you’re doing them a favor when what you’re really doing is taking that choice away from them.”

“If he has an issue with his diet, he needs to bring it up with him, and if they can’t agree, he either takes it or leaves it.” ~ Valkrhae

“YTA for trying to make him become vegan ‘for his health’ did you know oreos are vegan?”

“What you did was lie to him by omission, of course, he’d be less than pleased.”

“If he’s not interested, he’s not interested.”

“Drop it, now.”

“People like you are why vegans get mocked.”

“The lasagna does sound yummy though.”  ~ TheAshenDemon4

“Somebody did this to me while I was in the hospital a few years ago and I had a very bad reaction to the fake meat burger.”

“It made me very ill on top of having pulmonary embolisms and pneumonia.”

“I was not thrilled with the person for not telling me it was a vegan burger.”

“To be honest, I wondered because it tasted more like soy than meat, like those half-soy hamburgers they serve to kids in school.”

“Please don’t do this.”

‘It’s your choice to eat vegan.”

“Quit pushing it on your husband.”

“It’s not fair, and it’s not nice, especially to lie to him even if it was by omission.”

“If he chooses to try your vegan meals that’s one thing but giving him vegan food on the sly is questionable at best.”

“You’ve just given him a major reason not to trust you.”

“That is just not good for a marriage.”

“Either let him choose or leave him be.”  ~ mtempissmith

“It would mainly be E S H, but more YTA for lying.”

“Playing passive-aggressive games is dumb, especially when you are using weight and body shaming towards him.”

“His decisions and actions for his health are HIS to make.”

“He will also survive having a vegan lasagna dinner.”  ~ WholeAd2742

“ESH. You suck for policing his food intake, equating vegan food with health, and knowingly serving him something you knew he would prefer not to eat if he knew the content.”

“He sucks for his irrational refusal to eat vegan food and assuming you will cook non-vegan meals for him.”

“Seriously, as someone with food allergies who needs to know what is in the things I eat, I beg you – don’t be dishonest with the ingredients you serve.”

“I love vegan meals and eat them regularly, but vegan meat and cheese substitutes can include a lot of common allergens, so I have to be cautious with them.”

“Serving people under false pretenses is a**hole behavior.” ~ Dangerous_Apricot_51

“This is why no one likes smug vegans.”

“You made that choice for yourself but arbitrarily decided your spouse was done with his autonomy and pushed your preferred diet onto him via stealth.”

‘Vegan options aren’t always healthy just because they are vegan, and eating meat isn’t a guaranteed death knell.”

‘You could have approached this so many better ways.”

“But now you have to live with the fact that your spouse can’t trust you with something as essential as your food because you are a proven liar as well as deceitful.”

“You must be a treat to live with.” ~ distant-starlight

“ESH, you lied when he asked.”

“He sucks because if he liked it why does it matter if it was vegan?”

“Being angry is somewhat childish.” ~ Nefarious-Elf

“ESH. Eating vegan ≠ eating healthy.”

“I understand your desire for him to eat healthier, but your attitude seems a little self-righteous.”

“I will say that I don’t think you ‘tricked’ him unless you lied about what was in it and it doesn’t sound like you did.”

“He sucks because it sounds like you do all the cooking while he dictates the meals.”

“It also sounds like you’ve been making 2 meals to accommodate each of your dietary choices.”

“Does he ever cook for you?” ~ Distorted_Penguin

Well OP, feels like Reddit is not thrilled with many aspects of the situation.

Eating healthy is an important aspect of life, but bamboozling people into eating in certain ways may not be the best course of action.

Sounds like it wouldn’t be a bad idea for the both of you to sit down and chat with a therapist or a nutritionist.

Good luck.