We make all kinds of ridiculous decisions when we’re tired. But one time we should try to remain as clear-headed as possible is when we’re in the middle of delivering a baby or supporting a woman who is.
Take the guy, and new father-to-be, for instance, who wondered if he was in the wrong for leaving his wife alone during the delivery of their twin babies, so he could get some sleep before giving a work presentation.
The OP (Original Poster) shared his story on the “Am I the A**hole?” subReddit, asking:
“AITA (Am I the A**hole) for leaving during my wife’s labor?”
It all started while the OP’s wife was in labor.
“My wife went into labor around 6 pm on Sunday. We were expecting twins.”
“It quickly turns into a very painful process she kept cutting off the blood pressure to my hand when she squeezed and nearly sprayed my shirt with vomit.”
When the OP received a call from work, he had an important decision to make.
“Around 3 am my dad calls. I work for my dad’s company and we had a presentation for clients Monday morning that I had to get ready for.”
“My dad heard my wife was in labor but told me he needed me on this presentation. He said there was nothing I could do to help my wife and delivery and seeing the baby come out was overrated and people don’t prepare your for the gore.”
“He said he needed me to rest up and make myself presentable for the presentation.”
The OP decided he could be of more use for his work than during his children’s birth.
“My wife’s labor was progressing very slowly and we were all certain she would need forceps or other assistance to deliver the babies.”
“I realized that I couldn’t help her here, and my dad was counting on me, so I told her I needed to leave.”
“She started screaming at me so loudly that a few nurses rushed over to our room.”
“I ended up doing the presentation with the clients and things went well.”
The OP rationalized his decision with how the birth timed out against the presentation.
“I leave the office and see a text on my phone that said my wife delivered an hour ago at around 10:30 am and they had to use forceps.”
“I would have missed the meeting had I stayed and my dad has given me everything he could possibly give me in life, so I didn’t want to let him down.”
But now his wife is questioning their entire relationship.
“I had responsibilities I had to take care of and while my wife is still screaming at me saying that she was alone when they ‘destroyed her body’, I’m the only one who works and her mom herself said that she was emotional and overreacting.”
“My wife even went as far to say that her family would disown her if she was the first of them to divorce but that she doesn’t consider me her husband right now.”
Fellow Redditors did not shy away from responding while using the following scale:
- NTA: “Not the A**hole”
- YTA: “You’re the A**hole”
- ESH: “Everybody Sucks Here”
- NAH: “No A**holes Here”
Some Redditors confirmed what a terrible decision the OP had made and how skewed his priorities must be.
“YTA and a terrible husband. Your wife made a huge mistake marrying and having a child with someone this far up his father’s a**.” – matsun2389
“YTA. You never leave a women in birth. Especially because she was giving birth to twins.”
“YTA x 1000 for ‘it quickly turns into a painful process she kept cutting off the blood pressure to my hand when she squeezed…’ way to make it about you.”
“You expected your wife, a first time mom from what it seems, to naturally birth twins in a couple of hours?! What the hell?” – anNonyMass
“YTA What exactly did you think you were going to be doing there in the first place? Catching the baby? [Your] sole purpose was moral support. You failed. She was scared. She was vulnerable. And you left her.”
“Your ‘responsibility’ is to your wife and children. Yes, your dad raised, provided, etc. But there’s a reason the family you create because the priority over the family you came from.”
“You even make it sound like it’s somehow your wife’s fault and that what was happening was somehow in her control. ‘She cut off my blood pressure and spewed vomit…'”
“I can’t tell if you were just misguided about the ‘beauty of child birth’ or your just completely unsympathetic about how hard this was for your wife.” – DeadlyCyn205
“YTA but your dad is the Supreme A**hole Overlord. She should be mad at him too.”
“I don’t blame your wife for hating you right now. What a painful experience to go through alone.”
“You better do everything you can to make it up to her.” – novanugs
Some also pointed out what a terrible grandfather the OP’s dad was going to be.
“Man it’s probably time for you to learn to stand up to daddy” – forcere3
“Dude should have known how to do that BEFORE marrying a woman and becoming a father himself. Like, what kind of p*ss-poor grandpa is OP’s Dad anyways to say that his wife needing support WHILE LITERALLY BIRTHING THEIR CHILD is less important than a presentation, jesus.” – ZNBraeleon
“The p*ssest-poorest of grandpa’s”
“Reading OP’s post back, there’s the paragraph where he’s like ‘so dad said this, then dad told me how this thing was, and dad explained, super rationally ofc (lol) why I should do this but not worry about doing that'”
“Like oohhhh my gawwwwwd dude, have a bit of self respect.”
“Just cos your a**hole Dad doesn’t see worth in watching their child being born (maybe something to mull over OP?) Doesn’t mean s**t for you – you are an adult my friend, and should start making decisions on your own terms” – forcere3
Others were totally sympathetic to the OP’s wife and agreed with her thoughts of divorce.
“My god this is a horrible f**kup and he still wonders if he is the a**hole.”
“OP, YTA. ‘Grats on working, ‘grats to the upcoming divorce.” – Emisys
“YTA…God you may be the biggest AH of the week. Your wife, the woman you vowed to stand by for the rest your life was having what could likely be the most traumatic experience of her life and instead of supporting her, you left her because you figured helping your dad was more important.”
“The second you get married, your nuclear family becomes your wife and any children you have. They should become your first priority and you’ve managed to abandon them all at a time when your wife needed you, and missed the birth of your children.”
“You’d be lucky if you ever get to see those kids. You need a reality check. It’s unfortunate your wife doesn’t want to divorce you, hopefully she changes her mind.” – MoonlitKitten96
“No kidding! If it were me, I’d be filling out divorce papers while still in the hospital. I’d also make sure everyone knew he was not allowed anywhere near my room or the babies.” – AmethysstFire
“I wouldn’t have even texted him that I’d given birth. I would have full on ghosted his a** and contacted a lawyer ASAP.” – kickingboys
But to really hit him where it hurts, a few Redditors tried to put the situation in terms the OP might understand: how his decision could impact his work.
“There are no clients anywhere that would expect you to be at a presentation on the day of your wife’s giving birth. WTF?”– Regular-Tell-108
“What’s sad is that this comment is more likely to make OP understand he messed up big time than the comments about his wife needing him emotionally during labor.”
“But it’s true. If I worked for a company where the boss demanded his son leave his wife during labor to do anything work-related, I’d quit. And I’d spread the word about the heartlessness. And if I was a client I’d take my business elsewhere.”
“OP needs therapy to help re-sort his priorities. He likely believes that therapy is silly girl-talk and won’t go, so I hope some genuinely intelligent man with muscles tells him to man up and be there for his wife.” – urajerknotajoker
“If I was the client and I learned he missed the birth to sell smth to me, i would try to find someone else to do the work.” – suckmyhuged**g
“Right? Any company that would request someone come in for a presentation when their wife is in labor would not get my business.”
“OP, YTA by a country mile.” – awnotthecorn
“Ditto. It tells me that the other person is incapable of prioritizing what’s important –and being present while your spouse or partner is in labor is #1.” – Rowan1980
Redditors seem to agree, either the sleeping and the presentation could have waited.
This guy should probably start thinking about a colossal push present for his wife. He’s going to need it.