So many people have felt abandoned by loved ones when they were at their lowest in life.
Sometimes, people never truly get over it.
That’s why it can feel suspect when the person who left suddenly reappears.
Trust isn’t always an easy thing to give them.
Redditor VacationWeary7466 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to share my inheritance with my entitled sister after she cut me off for 10 years?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So, here’s some backstory…”
“My (28 M[ale]) older sister (35 F[emale]) cut me off completely about 10 years ago when I was 18, shortly after our parents died in a car accident.”
“She basically abandoned me during one of the toughest times of my life because I wasn’t ‘mature’ enough, and she wanted to live her life freely.”
“No calls, no texts, no support.”
“I had to work multiple jobs to support myself and pay for college, all on my own.”
“Fast forward to a month ago, I inherited a substantial amount of money from our maternal grandfather.”
“It was an unexpected inheritance, but it’s changed my life.”
“Suddenly, my sister is back in the picture, acting like we’re the closest family in the world.”
“She starts hinting at financial struggles and how tough life has been for her.”
“I told her outright that I wasn’t interested in sharing my inheritance, especially after she abandoned me for a decade.”
“She got extremely angry and accused me of being selfish and ‘ungrateful’ because ‘we’re family.'”
“My friends are saying I’m not in the wrong, but a few family members think I should be more ‘forgiving.'”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for standing my ground and refusing to give her any money?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. She abandoned you.”
“Should she have been responsible for you and helped with college so you wouldn’t have needed loans? No.”
“She was barely 25 and absolutely entitled to her own life.”
“But to cut you off and pretend you don’t exist?”
“To not be there and try to work through her grief and your grief together?”
“That was cruel and made it clear she did not consider you family.”
“She also didn’t have much of a relationship with Grandpa either since he left her nothing.”
“Give her precisely the help and care she gave you!!” ~ Apprehensive_War9612
“It’s stories like this that are the reason I read this sub.”
“So nice when you get to tell someone to eff off and let the karma train hit them.”
“NTA of course.”
“Rub her face in it, too.” ~ National_Pension_110
“NTA. Presumably, your maternal grandfather would have left her money too if he’d wanted to.”
“Maybe he did.”
“Even if he only left it to you, it could easily be intended as recompense for how you’d had to get started as an adult without any parental support.”
“Shame he didn’t help you earlier, of course, but perhaps he didn’t know if he could spare it.” ~ calling_water
“NTA. Your grandfather left the inheritance to you for a reason.”
“If he wanted to leave her something or half of what he left you he would have.” ~ Kris82868
“Nope. NTA at all.”
“Your sister is so foul for that and the audacity and entitlement is just through the roof.”
“You aren’t wrong to let her a** suffer.”
“Karma doesn’t miss… lol.” ~ Fantastic-Gas6531
“NTA. She’s laughable.”
‘Block her. You already told her why you’re saying no – you do not have to continue the conversation.”
“Remind your family members that the ONLY reason she contacted you was for money, not because she missed you.”
“She made her choice 10 years ago.” ~ Ladyooh
“NTA, your sister is.”
“If your grandfather had wanted her to have an inheritance, he would have left her one.”
“Also, she abandoned you when you needed her most, and not just for a couple of months while she was grieving (people can do some odd things in grieving), but for 10 years.”
“You are not suddenly ‘family’ just because you now have something she wants.”
“Tell her to go f**k herself and never contact you again.” ~ Equivalent-Moose2886
“Definitely NTA.”
“She cut you out of her life for 10 years, and now the only reason she has reconnected with you is because she wants your money.”
“If she cared about family, she would have been there for you when you needed her.” ~ ExistenceRaisin
OP responded…
“Exactly! If she actually cared about family, she would have been there when I needed her most, not when there’s money involved.”
“Not falling for it now.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA… threw her words exactly as she said them right back at her.”
“Maybe she’ll see/hear the irony.” ~ TieNervous9815
“Exactly. Where were you my sister, my family when Mom and Dad died? Hmmm?”
“Also if granddad wanted to leave money to the sis, he would have.” ~ GardenSafe8519
“This! OP, NTA!”
“What an awful woman!” ~ jlaw1791
“Exactly! You can forgive her, (for your own sake), but that doesn’t mean you have to share your inheritance or even keep her in your life.”
“Your grandfather left that money to you. Not her.” ~ Lumpy_Ear2441
“Those family members who think you should be forgiving should start their own inheritance fund for your sister if they feel so strongly about it.”
“Bold of them to have an opinion on assets that aren’t theirs to give. NTA.”
“My condolences for the loss of your grandparents and your parents before them.”
“I truly wish you the best success in life.” ~ HighlyImprobable42
“What, exactly, are you meant to be grateful for?”
“The decade of abandonment or the sudden interest in closeness now that you have money?”
“Either way, NTA, and I would resume your N[o] C[ontact] with your sister.” ~ Free_Dragonfruit_250
“NTA. Tell your sister that you will treat her ‘like family’ the same way she treated you ‘like family’ for the past 10 years.”
“Tell those family members who think you should ‘be more forgiving’ that they said nothing to your sister when your sister abandoned you just after your parents died when you were just 18.”
“So their words now mean nothing now.”
“Or even if they did say something to her, it would be no more effective now than it was then.”
“I’m sorry you lost your parents, and I’m sorry your sister is an AH.” ~ swillshop
“Don’t give her a cent.”
“If your grandfather wanted to give her an inheritance, he would have made it clear before he passed. NTA.” ~ TheRipley78
“Enjoy your money and invest it and live happily.”
“Screw your sister I would block her on everything.” ~ hard-of-haring
“NTA. Not only did she cut you off, but it was at a very traumatic time and you were barely an adult.”
“She made her choice 10-year-old ago.” ~ yramt
“One way that you could show your relatives that it’s about personal relationships and not money is telling your sister that you’re open to working on healing the relationship, but no money will ever be offered.”
“Let her show that she never cared about repairing your relationship and only was greedy for money.” ~ RecordingNo7280
“I’m so sick of people being called selfish for not sharing money, car, house.”
“No one has to share their belongings.”
“NTA 💯 if you didn’t have this money, she wouldn’t be sniffing around.”
“You keep all of it and enjoy your life!!!” ~ Antique_Wafer8605
“The point is that forgiveness is more about the benefit for the wronged party.”
“Reconciliation (separate thing) is about restoring the relationship.”
“The way I’ve explained this is that when someone wrongs you, they now owe you a debt.”
“Not forgiving them means that you’re expending energy thinking about how you were wronged, wanting the wrong-doer to apologize/make amends/’pay’ the debt.”
“Forgiveness just means that you stop chasing them down demanding they apologize/pay that debt.”
“You’re releasing the energy and not putting anything towards the wrong that was done.”
“But reconciliation requires the wrong-doer to truly have remorse and do what is possible to make amends.”
“Even if the wrong-doer does have remorse/tries to make amends, the wronged party can say, ‘I appreciate that, but I’d still prefer to have no further contact.'”
“OP is NTA and not responsible for sharing any of the inheritance.”
“Presumably OP’s maternal grandfather is also sister’s maternal grandfather… and if said maternal grandfather had wanted OP’s sister to have an inheritance, it would have happened.”
“And if they’re half-siblings through OP’s father, then the sister shouldn’t even have a thought about OP’s inheritance from someone unrelated to her.” ~ HoneyedVinegar42
“Nope NTA.”
“I wouldn’t give her any of it.”
“If she couldn’t be there for you for ten years she has no business trying to come back and act like you two are besties.” ~ Easton_HJE
“NTA. She clearly just wants the money, but why didn’t she inherit anything?”
“Most grandparents don’t leave everything to one grandchild, was she left out or did she blow hers already?” ~ HugeInTheShire
“Not quite sure how you are ungrateful.”
“I mean she hasn’t done anything for you.”
“Selfish. Again she is no contact until she needs something.”
“You are just following her lead by providing her with the exact same level of family responsibility she has provided you over the last 10 years.”
“NTA. Block her on everything.” ~ Hawaiianstylin808
“Nope, please, give her nothing, not even your attention.”
“She showed you how much she valued you already, the only value that changed was the value of your bank account. NTA.” ~ Netflickingthebean
“NTA. But tell her you will think about it and get back to you in another decade.”
“Maybe you will have made a decision by then.” ~ Change2001
“Of course, you’re NTA here, she is.”
“Let her stew.”
“She’s not your problem as she chose her nonfamilial path over a decade ago.” ~ StrangelyEnuf
“NTA but even if you were, who gives a sh*t?”
“I’d have no problems being an a**hole to someone who abandoned me.”
“Also, there must be a reason she was left out of your grandfather’s will.” ~ Z0na
“NTA. She cares about money not you.”
“Your grandfather knew what he was doing when he left it to you and nothing to her.”
“Keep it all, use it for your own life.” ~ MerlinBiggs
“Where the heck was she when you needed your family?”
“Where was she when you had to work multiple jobs just to ensure that you survived?”
“Where was this so-called ‘family’ when you needed her?”
“It’s been 10 years, and the only reason she’s coming back around is because she wants money, yet she couldn’t be bothered to stick around when y’all all lost y’all’s parents? No.”
“I’m all about family supporting each other but the moment someone decides to cut family out they lose all rights to being considered family.”
“She abandoned you, and now that you have money, she wants to come back around with the thought that she deserves some of your money?”
“How about no.’
“NTA, and if I were you, I’d tell her to get bent.” ~ BedazzledLioness1
“NTA. Oh, come on.”
“We all know the only reason she’s reaching out to OP was for the money.” ~ juanredshirt
“NTA. But man, people smell money and turn into vultures immediately.” ~ EntrepreneurAmazing3
Reddit is with you, OP.
The timing is way too obvious.
Suddenly, you have money? And suddenly, she wants to be family?
It’s a little late for your sister to claim family love now.
Forgiveness is one thing.
If forgiving her helps you then great. But forgiveness is free, with no money involved.
Stay strong. Good luck. And sorry for all of your losses.