Many of us hold personal beliefs that extend beyond taste preferences when it comes to choosing what we will and will not eat.
Trying to put two different food ideologies together in a relationship could easily be a dealbreaker, confided the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor aitaeggplantsteal found out it was even more important how her boyfriend treated her and her beliefs.
After she threw him out for his behavior, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she had taken things too far.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for making my boyfriend an eggplant steak instead of a meat one?”
The OP established boundaries with her boyfriend.
“I (28 [Female]) am a vegetarian and have been since I was 14. Meat disgusts me and the idea of eating a dead animal has bothered me for a very long time, so I stopped eating meat.”
“My boyfriend (29 [Male]) is not and at the start of our relationship we made an agreement: I will not cook or handle meat, and if he wants to eat it, he can cook it himself.”
“Since we live separately, I don’t buy it, but if we do end up living together (which I’m on the fence about at the moment), I don’t mind buying it.”
Her boyfriend didn’t respect her boundaries when he was drunk.
“The other night my boyfriend was visiting my place. He was incredibly drunk and was hungry, so he started asking for dinner.”
“I asked what he wanted, and he said steak.”
“I said I don’t want to cook meat so he should.”
“He got mad and started demanding it, so I shushed myself and just went along with it.”
“However, instead of a beefsteak, I made an eggplant one.”
“When he opened the steak, he got angry and started yelling at me, asking why the steak was yellow.”
“I said it’s made out of eggplant, and he asked for a steak, so I made one.”
“He screamed at me, ‘I ASKED FOR A REAL STEAK NOT A STUPID PLANT ONE, MAKE ME A REAL ONE YOU R****D!'”
The OP stood up for herself.
“I was so p**sed off, I made him get out of my house.”
“He kept drunk dialing me with little ‘apologies’ about how he didn’t mean to scream, and he was crying in the background.”
“These are making me wonder, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the boyfriend was abusive and ungrateful.
“I’m a meat lover, and I love steak, will never stop eating it. But I’ve also dated a girl who was a vegan.”
“I love a lot of things, but loving a steak would never be above an actual person. I would eat whatever she would cook for me, and when I’d eat with her, I’d go out of my way to make sure I ate something with little to no meat in it.”
“And furthermore, I’d be especially thankful that she made me food, regardless of what it was.” – Knautical_J
“NTA: this is the beginning of a cycle of abuse, get out now. You do something mildly displeasing, the abuser overreacts and performs an abusive act (in this case, verbal abuse), and then apologizes in a way that gets the victim thinking they deserved it.” – BaltimoreBadger23
“NTA. As an avid meat eater: Your BF 100% is an a**hole and a massively ungrateful one. Please don’t accept this behavior. Drunkenness is no excuse.” – imjusthereforaita
“Let’s be perfectly clear. And this might hurt or make you angry, but I say it with no malice.”
“He is not sorry. This is emotional manipulation. He does not care about you. He does not respect you or your values. He does not love you. He only likes the idea of what you can do for him.”
“A halfway decent partner, much less a good one, would never say what he said to you. Being drunk is not an excuse. Being drunk just let his true feelings show.”
“Leave him. If you don’t end things with him today, it’s only going to reinforce this behavior. ‘If she didn’t leave me for this, what else can I get away with’ will be in the back of his mind.”
“You deserve better. You deserve a bare minimum of respect he’s made clear he’s incapable of showing you.” – Nic0kami
Others agreed and said the alcohol simply exposed how he truly felt.
“NTA. He is aware of your adversity to cooking meat, and to call you an ableist slur? That’s not right.”
“He only apologized because you made him leave.”
“Ever heard the phrase, ‘Drunk words speak sober thoughts’? Does he get like this every time he drinks?” – Sunflower25
“As a pescatarian, I agree: NTA. I’ve been drunk several times. Never have I used the ‘r****d’ word.”
“People do stupid things when they’re drunk, but being drunk doesn’t usually make you such an incredibly s**tty person that you use slurs. There’s some underlying s**t going on in there.”
“If alcohol makes him behave like this, he needs to abstain from alcohol. But I get the feeling this behavior isn’t limited to the boyfriend’s state of intoxication.” – jayclaw97
“Being drunk inhibits your control, he’s just showing you his true self. Believe it.”
“I’m an ‘I love you’ drunk. Harmless enough so I still drink. If I was a mean drunk, my conscience self will never let my drunk self out again.”
“He doesn’t mind that he’s a mean drunk.” – No-Faithlessness3648
“Nooooo sis, he went too far when he screamed at you and called you a name for not cooking something you told him from the get-go you were unwilling to cook or even handle.”
“Even if he was absolutely smashed, I wouldn’t wanna stay with someone who lashes out like that over something so small and stupid.”
“He asked for food, you gave him food. If he was really so desperate to avoid eating a d**n vegetable, he should have gone out to eat instead of going to your house and demanding you feed him.” – Macarani925
Some urged the OP to end the relationship now.
“NTA. The fact that he is demanding you make him dinner while he is drunk is pretty messed up. The fact that he got so upset afterward is even worse.”
“Be thankful you don’t live together and make a clean break.” – whats-ausername
“Nope nope nope. You’re a nice person. Don’t let your fear of hurting him turn into you hurting yourself.”
“He did this once, he’ll do it again. He’s going to make you feel bad because he’s scared of losing you.”
“He’s prioritizing his feelings over yours, why shouldn’t you do the same?”
“Please, end this now.” – Sapphire_Bombay
“As someone who almost married a man like this, please hear me out when I tell you to run. Run as fast and as far away from this man as possible.”
“This is the beginning of him showing his true colors. It’s all downhill from here.”
“You said you were on the fence about moving in with him, don’t. If you aren’t immediately excited and comforted by the idea of coming home to him every day, it’s because you subconsciously know that something is ‘off’ about him.” – murderino99
While the repeated voicemails had made the OP feel guilty, the subReddit urged her to let those feelings go. Her boyfriend was acting in a troubling, unforgivable way, and that was the thing to focus on.