Body shaming is an annoyingly frequent occurrence for many gym goers.
Redditor bothonpele was recently shamed by a fellow gym goer after the gym goer's wife kept approaching him.
The OP was asked to change by the gym staff, but the next day decided to get creative with how he took the note.
This creativity was not received well by all, ultimately leading the OP to subReddit "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA).
He asked:
"AITA for wearing short shorts to the gym even after being asked to stop?"
He went on to explain.
"So I am a big guy. I workout daily. I go to three gyms regularly."
"I wear and have worn what we lovingly call ranger panties. They are short shorts. Think magnum pi."
"I usually get attention for this, but it's usually just old men that roll their eyes. Occasionally women stare. Nothing out of control."
"I've been doing it for years."
"Well recently a woman joined my gym that seems obsessed with my legs. She will walk over every time she sees me."
"Well her husband came with her the other day. He proceeded to have a mental breakdown over his wife talking to me."
"He came over and asked if I thought my shorts were appropriate. I responded by asking him not to objectify me for being beautiful. Which made him very mad."
"Staff got involved and asked me to cover up for a little while. I said sure. So the next day I came in smaller shorts but with a long sleeve shirt."
"He was with her and lost his mind."
"When staff came again to talk to me. I said I had been working out like this here for years. I've also seen women wear a hell of a lot less. So I would not be changing anytime soon."
"Which they just shrugged at."
"So Reddit Aita? Update if you want to see my legs, they are now my profile pic."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
"'I responded by asking him not to objectify me for being beautiful. Which made him very mad.'"
"Lmao"
"'So the next day I came in smaller shorts but with a long sleeve shirt. He was with her and lost his mind'"
"Even better."
"NTA - not your fault his wife has an obsession with your legs and that HE is jealous of." - What_the_Question
"NTA. Next time they bother you about it, ask them for a copy of the dress code in the contract you signed when you joined so you can review it together to fully understand what the policy says."
"Then inform them that you'll be filing a complaint against the husband and the employees for sexual harassment after it says jack sh*t about your shorts in the contract." - VogonShakespeare
"NTA. Next time they ask you to cover up, show up in a ski mask, long sleeves, and even shorter shorts." - SueBee_Art
"So... he has trust issues with his wife, and you have to do something about it?"
"AND THE GYM TOOK HIS WANKER SIDE!?!?" - Unmasked_Zoro
"NTA assuming the crotch chandelier isn't lighting up the joint. Pretty funny. You should tell him, 'Hey, my eyes are up here.'" - BetweenWeebandOtaku
"NTA. You're allowed to wear whatever you want."
"Clearly the boyfriend was jealous of you and the attention his girlfriend was giving you. I'd keep doing you, my guy."
"Who gives a f*ck what others think. You're not hurting anyone. If he doesn't wanna see it or doesn't want his girlfriend to see it, then they can go to a different gym or go at a different time" - emogurl47
"Hell no! Absolutely not. It seems the ladies love it, but on a serious note you're free to wear whatever you like. It's not your fault your legs attract the ladies!"
"NTA" - CellApprehensive7651
"As long as you're not showing your balls NTA. Long sleeves? Definitely r/maliciouscompliance brilliance."
"On one hand I'm pissed some guy thinks he can force you to cover your gams, on the other hand it's kind like… this is the BS women often deal with." - MediumAwkwardly
"Disclaimer: I do consider such shorts to be crimes against fashion, so I kinda think you might be TA on principle..."
"NTA"
"The gym staff were very wrong to ask you to fix someone else's bad behavior. As long as I can't tell your religion when you're wearing them, they're fine."
"Except, you know, for that crime against fashion thing."
"And epic, iconic move to wear shorter shorts and long sleeves. That made me laugh." - HalfVast59
"NTA. You're doing a public service imo. People who don't know how to check someone out on the down low without being disrespectful are ruining it for everybody." - 87212621
"NTA. The gym no doubt has an anti-harassment policy. Point out to them that it applies to all its members." - Sebscreen
"Are you in violation of the club's published rules? If so, Y T A. If not, N T A. It's as simple as that."
"So, need more info." - jackalopeswild
"NTA and lmao."
"I know what ranger panties are....unless you are wearing like a super tight, spandex version showing your junk you are absolutely fine and appropriate."
"Dude just has a stick up his a**. Most women wear something similar (or even less) at the gym."
"Hell, I used to wear super short spandex shorts that are probably the equivalent of what you wear. It's less common for men to do, but it's perfectly appropriate."
"I guess it's not as common in the Midwest (I saw that is where you are from in the comments), because I definitely see guys wearing them on occasion at my gym." - VioletDuck1
"NTA. I think you should get leggings that leave little to the imagination. You're covered up, right?" - Aetra
"You are not responsible for the insecurities of others. As long as you aren't violating some rule regarding a dress-code you are fine. NTA" - Dimirosch
"NTA you can wear whatever you want to wear. Nobody has the right to comment on your fashion sense. The gym is a place to work out, not to perve on other people" - Forsaken-Yak-7581
"NTA. Tell the staff that the guy keeps making inappropriate comments about your an** and crotch." - ElMachoGrande
"NTA. Show off those thunder thighs! As long as you aren't flashing anybody or breaking the rules, I see no problems. Get those gains!" - Rude_Ad930
"NTA. I live in a military town, and my husband retired military. You will see men in these ranger panties all the time."
"I see them in the local supermarket, jogging in my neighborhood, or at the gym."
"You always know what these men are up to; they are training for something when they have heavy duty backpacks on or off to working out. It's really not that big of a deal."
"I hate when people force women to cover up because people are uncomfortable with their bodies. I dislike it when people do it to men." - Loud_Eye_7141
"NTA, also that's f*cking hilarious."
"Man, I do martial arts stuff, and it involves working out too. You gotta wear what makes you comfortable." - DreadedChalupacabra
"It would be funny if the husband demands the wife swap gyms, and then it's one you also go to. Karma for his insecurity LOL"
"Ps NTA.." - hotmumma7
"For every girl who was ever told to cover up because she was distracting the boys, for every breastfeeding mother who's ever been told to cover up, for every woman who's ever been told she "was asking for it" because of how she was dressed, NTA!!"
"And the other dude -- your wife's getting turned on, and your response is to go talk to the other guy???????" - robynmk62
"NTA. It would be different if every time you did a lunge, your balls tumbled out like two kittens in a sack, but your intimate parts are covered, and you're wearing purpose-built athletic wear."
"Flaunt them gams!" - NotThatValleyGirl
"Absolutely not! I had an argument on TikTok over this issue. If these women feel that they can dress scantily clad, then the men should to."
"I would love for you to make a video on how women's stares are making you uncomfortable when you're just trying to work out, lol." - ladylik3
"I feel if a person is concerned about what another person is wearing at a gym, then they are not working out hard enough. I don't have time for shenanigans when I go to the gym." - BrocaBeach
"NTA - it's his problem, not yours. It's the same bs with women "Oh cover up yourself" - no, why? Stop staring and learn how to control yourself instead of trying to control everyone else around you."
"Wonder what the husband would do being at the beach or like...."
"'So the next day I came in smaller shorts but with a long sleeve shirt.'"
"Well, you did as you were told. XD" - Joubachi
Sounds like a heck of a pair of legs.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.