Finding a babysitter that is sane and affordable is not an easy task these days.
The price of childcare, even for the next-door neighbor is out of control.
So that’s why so many people depend on family.
But just because people share DNA doesn’t mean they want to spend the night hanging out with a kid.
So that can lead some parents to drastic measures.
Case in point…
Redditor Money_Improvement274 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for threatening to call the police on my brother for trying to force me to babysit his daughter after I already told him multiple times beforehand that I don’t want to babysit her?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (29 M[ale]) have a brother (27 M) who has a 4-year-old daughter.”
“His daughter’s mom passed away cause of birth complications and he’s been raising her mostly alone ever since.”
“Recently he asked me if I could babysit her for the night so he could go on a date, but I refused cause I’m not experienced with kids and frankly, cause I simply don’t want to babysit.”
“My brother kept insisting saying that he’s too tight with money to pay for a babysitter, but I kept refusing to do it.”
“However one day at around 7 PM I suddenly hear a girl knocking at my door and there was my niece while my brother was nowhere to be found.”
“I let her in my room and then I started calling him multiple times, but he wouldn’t pick up any of my calls.”
“After half an hour I ended up giving him a message that if he doesn’t come back in 15 minutes then I’ll report him to the police for child abandonment.”
“He came back after 20 minutes, but luckily for him, I hadn’t called the police yet.”
“He was absolutely furious with me and started berating me literally in front of his daughter, but I eventually made him leave my house with my niece.”
“However afterward he kept giving me messages about how I failed as both a brother and an Uncle, that I proved to my niece that I don’t love her and see her as a burden and that I couldn’t even allow him this night of fun when he hadn’t had sex since his daughter was born.”
“But I messaged him that the last thing is his problem, not mine, and so he needed to figure it out on his own instead of pining on me against my will.”
“However this only got him to send even more venomous messages.”
“My boyfriend however thinks that I’m acting like an a**hole to him and that we could’ve taken care of my niece for this night without creating a scene.”
“AITA for not having much sympathy for my brother’s situation and not wanting to babysit his daughter?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Did he even know if you were home?”
“What if you had been out on a walk (he saw a car out front for example) or someone had taken you out?”
“What if you had been drunk or otherwise inebriated?”
“You don’t need a reason to not want to watch someone else’s child but your brother is out of line.”
“If he can’t afford a babysitter for an evening – he shouldn’t be dating.”
“If money is THAT tight, I feel like he isn’t prioritizing the proper things – like his CHILD.”
“He abandoned his child so he could try and have s*x with someone.” ~ AmaltheaPrime
“This actually happened to my sister’s in-laws.”
“They dropped the 4-year-old off at the end of the driveway and left figuring the mom or one of the teen kids living at home would watch her– except they’d all gone to a wedding.”
“The neighbors found the girl crying and wandering around the neighborhood and called the police.”
“The parents had to jump through MAJOR hoops to get her back from C[hild] P[rotective] S[ervices] and had monthly follow-up inspections for the next year and a half.” ~ celticmusebooks
“If OP babysits once he will have to keep on babysitting since ‘family helps family.'”
“Brother shouldn’t really be out there trying to date given money’s so tight he can’t afford a babysitter for one day.”
“He must be prioritizing his child he chose to have.”
“Also most importantly brother’s comment that he didn’t have sex since the day his daughter was born is so crude and insensitive.”
“He needs to understand while he has lost his partner, his daughter has lost her mom whom she never got to know, spend time with.”
“My heart breaks for this child.” ~ Fantastic_Bag4908
“NTA. Yes, OP, all of this.”
“Your brother is not entitled to your time, and him dropping your niece off without saying anything is incredibly reckless.”
“I’m sorry for the situation your brother is in, but his main priorities right now are his daughter and ensuring he has the money to take care of both him and your niece.”
“Once things are less tight financially he can start thinking about dating and getting his pickle tickled.”
“Also, if you were really the only person your brother has around to watch your niece I think he needs to look into other childcare options sooner rather than later.”
“If he has an emergency or has to work late or something he should really have a couple options to make sure niece is taken care of.” ~ mycathastits
A few people had other thoughts…
“You’re not obligated to watch his daughter.”
“And he absolutely shouldn’t just drop his kid off without confirmation that she’ll be looked after, but being unwilling to help out your widowed brother with a single night of babysitting is close to the definition of being an AH. ESH.” ~ TWAndrewz
“The final sane comment in this section.”
“The brother has definitely crossed the line, but in terms of simple human empathy and emotional integrity, OP’s unwillingness to step a little over his comfort to help his own brother on a damn, one-off, is appalling.”
“The comments claiming technical not ta are such a reflection of the materialism of, if not today’s society, Reddit’s audience.” ~ the_Leshiy
“ESH. Your brother shouldn’t have just turned up like that and dumped them on you.”
“That’s definitely wrong and petty, no doubt about that.”
“But I think YTA for treating your brother like that in the first place.”
“It’s your niece dude, it’s for one singular night for a few hours, you’re a fully grown man and almost 30, not a 15-year-old.”
“It would have meant everything to him and it’s simply nothing more than a mild inconvenience to you, It’s incredibly selfish of you.”
“The guy is trying to go out there into the world, meet someone and be happy, it must be incredibly lonely and stressful for him.”
“If he meets a nice girl and it blossoms into something great, both his life and your nieces would improve tenfold.” ~ Wrong_Midnight_1618
“Yeah, I think ESH is the right answer.”
“Both OP and his brother need to get a grip.”
“OP didn’t even try.”
“And that kind of stuff is how you lose your family.”
“Because you don’t want to be involved in their lives, so why should they care about yours?”
“It’s one thing if it was an inconvenient time, and the brother didn’t even try to work with OP’s schedule, but OP straight up didn’t want to do any of it at all. Ever.”
“Also, the way you become good with kids?”
“You learn. That’s literally all it is.”
“You’re not good with kids because you haven’t learned how to be.” ~ tulipkitteh
“This comment section is absolutely wild with all the NTAs.”
“For some reason, Reddit, but this sub in particular super weird about family matters but especially kids, and the answer is always – ‘OP is not obligated to help.'”
“Technically speaking, there are not that many things we’re obligated to do, and yet there are many many things that make one an AH and not helping your widowed brother is one of them. ESH.” ~ simjaang
Then Reddit continued…
“NTA… leaving a kid outside and having them wait till they are gone to knock on the door is very dangerous and living her with you without notice and for no reason other than he wants to go on a date makes HIM the AH, not you for standing your ground on not looking after her.” ~ FlashySong6098
“NTA, you have a right to refuse to babysit if you don’t want to for any reason at all.”
“How that affects your relationship with your brother and niece are the consequences you have to count on.”
“However he has no right to berate you or drop your niece off when not agreed upon, and what if you were not at home anyways?”
“What are your parents doing, and the late’s wife’s parents?”
“Are they not helping him at all?” ~ MousingJoke
“NTA. He already knew your answer but decided to ignore your right to say no.”
“He had no idea if you were home or in any condition to supervise a child safely and apparently simply didn’t care.”
“If he honestly could not afford a sitter he still had choices.”
“Parents all over the world watch each other’s children so all of the parents can have some alone time.”
“Apparently he couldn’t be bothered to set up a babysitting trade?”
“His sex life is not more valuable than his child.” ~ latents
Well, OP, Reddit is with you, for the most part.
You’re not obligated to babysit your niece.
And just dropping off a child at someone’s front door may not be the best choice of parental action.
But it does sound like you and your brother have a lot to hash out.
If your partner is willing maybe you can all sit down and make a calm plan.