Relationships face a ton of issues on the daily.
That is just the dance and balance of sustaining one.
One main issue though that sends up immediate red flags is trust.
Having trust issues in a relationship is a real problem.
Case in point…
Redditor Dontstealmypassport wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for ransacking my boyfriend’s apartment?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 25) have been with my boyfriend ‘Jake’ (M[ale] 34) for 8 months.”
“Things were fine until I (against my better judgment) moved into his place a couple months ago.”
“Since then, he’s been getting kind of possessive and protective.”
“I immediately told him to cut that crap out because it’s off-putting, and things seemed to get better.”
“Anyway, I have a friend in Mexico who is getting married.”
“I’ve been excited to fly down for her wedding since she told me she was engaged a year ago.”
“However, Jake has made it clear that he doesn’t want me to go.”
“He says Mexico is too dangerous, even though I’ve been there many times and even lived there for a year, speak Spanish, have friends there, and know my way around.”
“No matter what I say, he doesn’t want me to go.”
“Then a couple of days ago my passport went missing from my nightstand.”
“I’m supposed to go tomorrow, so I wouldn’t have time to get a new one. I looked everywhere, no luck.”
“When I asked Jake about it, he behaved a little suspiciously, but I dismissed it because I couldn’t believe he would actually take my passport to keep me from going.”
“But he’s been giving me some red flags, so I decided to have a thorough look around.”
“When he went out this morning, I started going through everything.”
“As I searched, I became increasingly certain that he took my passport.”
“I started off carefully picking through drawers and cabinets, but as my anger grew, I became a lot less careful. “
“I started turning out drawers, pried open a brief case, made a total mess.”
“But I found it.”
“It was behind some books on the bookcase in his study.”
“I never go into his study. He definitely put it there.”
“Now he’s furious with me for going through his things and ransacking his place.”
“He said he would have given my passport back, and there was no need for me to ‘go crazy.'”
“I’m just angry that he took it to begin with, and I don’t believe him when he says he was going to give it back.
“This is only my third serious relationship, and I have no perspective on this kind of thing.”
“AITA for ‘overreacting’ and ransacking my (ex)boyfriend’s place?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Move out immediately and don’t look back.”
“This is the start of an abusive relationship he is starting lightly with the controlling so that you get used to it.”
“That you even question that you are an AH for looking for YOUR passport that HE STOLE means that he is already succeeding.”
“For your future safety run.”
“You are not in so deep that you can’t get out.” ~ Capable_Voice_5479
“Read it as many times as you need to.”
“And I say that meaning that when he tries to gaslight (finally get to say the sub’s buzzword!) or charm you back.”
“Read as many people telling you no.”
“He’s abusive. Controlling. Don’t go back.”
“You’re worth more. He’s unsafe. You are an autonomous person.”
“Whichever version you need at the time. NTA.” ~ djroomba24
“NTA his behavior is controlling and unacceptable.”
“Your passport is not a small thing and you should be able to trust that important belongings are safe in your home.”
“Please seriously consider ending this relationship, he is showing you what your future will be like with him.” ~ Agreeable_Space2759
“NTA. Please. There is NO way you’re the AH here. He-“
“1- Has been acting strange ever since you moved there.”
“2- Forbade you from going to a country that you’re already familiar with.”
“3- Stole your passport to prevent you from going.”
“Is playing the victim, saying that you went through his stuff and that he would ‘have given your passport back’ Yeah, right.”
“Run. This isn’t healthy.”
“Find a guy who treats you like the queen you are and enjoy the wedding!” ~ winter_gemini
“NTA!”
“Even if you are in a relationship, the partner NEVER has the right to do this kind of things to you!!!!!”
“He STOLE your property, he LIED about it and then he VICTIMIZED!”
“Nooo, gurl. Leave him. This is not how relationships work.”
“We all have our fair shares of arguments during a lifetime, but this is crossing the personal boundaries and also ILLEGAL.” ~ bouganvilea25
“NTA. And run.”
“There was no reason for him to take the passport in the first place except to keep you from going… leaving you out of all the cash you spent, isolating you from friends.”
“He’s trying to control you, and calling you ‘crazy’ because you discovered the truth and he’s trying to make you doubt it and yourself. Run.” ~ jaynsand
“He lied to you straight-to-your-face when you directly asked him about the passport.”
“Then you found the passport hidden (not just lying around but clearly well hidden) in a room he knew you never went.”
“He would not have given it back to you, that’s a lie too.”
“Why take the passport if not to do exactly what he’d been saying all along?”
“He didn’t want you to go to Mexico.”
“Now he’s acting the victim, and his claim that he was going to give it back to you makes no sense and is a lie.”
“I don’t blame you for not just looking in his possessions for your passport but for getting so fed up you tossed his stuff around.”
“He really didn’t deserve anymore respect than that since he stole your passport and repeatedly lied to you.”
“His concern for your safety in Mexico sounds like a pretext for controlling you.”
“Particularly since he previously ‘protective’ which is a euphemism for controlling/manipulative.”
“NTA. But you must get out.”
“He’s shown you who he really is, it’s over time to believe he him after this.” ~ sailingisgreat
“NTA. Run. Now. Don’t go back to his apartment.”
“In fact, stay in Mexico till you have somewhere else to stay.”
“I understand you’re unsure so here’s your validation. He’s controlling.”
“It’s happening fast and WILL NOT STOP!”
“Stealing your passport – he WOULD NOT HAVE given it back – is highly illegal, immoral, dangerous behaviour.”
“Now he’s gaslighting you saying you were ‘crazy.'”
“After you caught him stealing your passport.”
“Do not stay with this man.” ~ WriteUrOwnEnding
OP came back with an update…
“Edit: Thanks for the replies.”
“I guess I was still in a weird state of disbelief that he did that and it made me question everything.”
“Now that I’ve stopped shaking and have had the time to think, talk to my mom, and to read through these replies, I feel kinda silly for even wondering if I did something wrong.”
“Suffice it to say it’s over for good.”
“I’ve blocked him on everything and my dad and brother are over there getting what’s left of my stuff.”
“I’m going to try to put it out of my mind and focus on my awesome trip.”
“Can we get a standing ovation for Dad here?”
“Gold star for being in your corner and protecting you.”
“I know a lot of young people who wouldn’t have been able to rely on their parents for help in this or a similar situation.”
“BIG REDDIT LOVE, DAD!!!”
“NTA. This is the beginning of a true-crime podcast that’s gonna freak me out for weeks.” ~ lamante
“This reminds me of how, when I realized I needed to leave an abusive relationship.”
“I texted my parents at 4am and said ‘I’m packing my stuff can I bring it over before I go to work?'”
“And my dad was there in the driveway at 5am helping me bring my stuff in.”
“He said ‘when you leave work just call me and we’ll go get the rest.'”
“That afternoon he rolled up to meet me at the house I needed to finish moving out of in 45 minutes before my ex came back.”
“And without a word or a question we just carried out my furniture and boxes threw it in the truck and drove it all back to his house.”
“During the moving as I was freaking out he was just like ‘hey if someone comes back- don’t worry, I’ll be happy to have them try to talk to ME about why you’re moving out!’”
“And when we got home ALL he said was ‘I’m glad you’re out of there!!’”
“And we went out to Mexican food and had margaritas.”
“He never knew the half of what I was dealing with and why I needed help so badly and he’s never asked me for the gory details.”
“But he saw I needed it and had never been so upset in my life and so he was just THERE to get me safe again.” ~ goodonlasers
Looks like OP heard everyone loud and clear.
And it’s great that she has support in family.
Hopefully her now ex gets some help for his future.