Some people know from a young age what they plan on naming their children when that momentous occasion finally arrives.
However, they soon realize that naming their child won't be as easy as they think.
For one thing, there's no guarantee that their spouse or partner will be as excited about that name as they are.
All expecting parents are forced to listen to suggestions from friends and family members about what to name their child, who ultimately have no say.
Redditor Sensitive_Mode_4255 and their wife were expecting their first child.
Both of them had reached a decision about their child's name.
Unfortunately, things took a turn when one of the original poster (OP)'s in-laws requested that they name the baby after them.
A request the OP absolutely refused to oblige.
After getting blowback from her in-laws, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for being blunt and saying I will never name our child after wife’s sister since she is a spoiled brat?"
The OP explained why naming their baby after their sister-in-law (SIL) was completely off the table:
"My wife and I are expecting our daughter in a few months."
"My wife, I will call her Nora, has a younger sister, Rebecca that everyone in that family is overprotective of."
"I am not a fan of Rebecca. I find her to be a spoiled brat who will cry to mom every time she doesn’t get her own way."
"I find her overall to be rude and entitled."
"Nora family baby’s her, and tbh at 22 she should not be throwing a fit about not getting what she wants."
"One example of this is she had a mini meltdown at our wedding because her shoes were the wrong color."
"Not even by a lot, it was just a different shade of white."
"You couldn’t even see the shoes since the bridesmaid's dress was long."
"So about 30 minutes before we were going to get married, she was crying, and everyone had to comfort her."
"Anyways, we got dinner with my wife’s family this weekend, and during dinner Rebecca said it would be nice to have a niece named after her."
"I shrugged it off, and the dinner went on like normal."
"When we got home, my wife sat me down and told me she wanted to name our daughter after her sister."
"That she brought up how much it would mean to her sister."
"I told her no."
"We have a two yes rule to names."
"Nora texted her and told her no."
"That’s where everything got bad."
"It started with my wife getting texts about changing her mind from her family, and when she stuck to the decision, they got rude about it."
"I started to receive texts, and it ended with me getting a call from my MIL and Rebecca."
"I told both of them no multiple times, and it just started asking why over and over again."
"At that point, I snapped and told both of them that I would never name our daughter after her."
"That she is a spoiled brat and I don’t want our daughter to be anything like her."
"That’s this is literally an example of it."
"I hung up. My wife says I should apologize, but she agrees they were being a lot."
"I still have been getting texts about how Rebecca has been crying since the conversation."
"Her family sees me as a huge jacka** and are still on my case."
"My wife is on my side, but she does want me to smooth things over."
"I really don’t want to and think they need to change."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to name their child after their SIL.
Everyone agreed that the OP was correct in believing that Rebecca's immature behavior needed to stop, and this was a good step in beginning that process:
"NTA."
"Not naming your daughter after her 22-year-old aunt would be perfectly reasonable even if she was a saint in every way, and furthermore, your wife needs to be the one to set her family straight and smooth things over, not you."- SunChaserDiscDyes
"NTA.'
"I am chuckling to myself because Rebecca’s life is about to change when this baby becomes the new favorite kid."
"Really lean into that!"- Acceptable_Bunch_586
"You don't gang up on, harass, beg or even ASK a couple to name THEIR baby a certain name."
"Your wife probably doesn't know how weird this is, given her upbringing."
"NTA."- Own_Eye2543
"Say you do name the child Rebecca."
"What happens when the SIL isn't the center of attention, and everyone is fawning over the new Rebecca?"
"This will not end, and it would not be healthy for your child."
"NTA."- Intelligent-Deal2449
"NTA."
"This is probably a hill worth dying on."- hez_lea
"NTA."
"What kind of person requests a child be named after them?"
"And since when is the extended family involved in the name choice?"
"With all the babies born in my family, we all found out the name after the birth, and when the paperwork was done, no one had a say but the parents."- PurpleMuskogee
"NTA."
"Holysh*tballs."
"Expect the baby shower to be all about your SIL."- MucinexDM_MAX
"NTA."
"Stay firm."
"They wanted to know why - they got it."
"FAFO."- No-Force-9732
"NTA."
"Everyone is spoiling that sister in law of yours and she's become a little monster I would rather have little to no association at all with her."- Ok-Arachnid-890
"NTA."
"Word of advice, keep naming ideas to yourself and gray rock any questions about names."
"Only announce the baby name after the baby is born. It just makes it so much easier."- smcivor1982
"NTA."
"The Lion the Witch and the audacity of that B."
"Holy yikes."- GrlInt3r46
"NTA."
"'No' is a complete sentence."
"The fact that the entire family is harassing you over a name proves exactly why you shouldn't name your child after her."
"You don't want your daughter to grow up thinking that throwing a tantrum is how you get what you want."
"Stand your ground."- Demitwo
"NTA."
"I'm guessing your wife is used to having to appease her sister."
"If they keep asking, start telling them that the fact that they're not taking 'No' for an answer is only further proving your reasoning."- Appropriate-Mall9781
"NTA."
"In any way, shape or form."
"Rebecca has the emotional regulation of a toddler, and your in-laws are stupid for pandering to her."- _JFKFC_
"NTA!"
"You deserve not to be reminded of her every time you look at your own kid."
"Best of luck!"- Ok-Brother8545
"NTA."
"She does sound spoiled."
"Your baby is not a little prop to make her feel better (and IMO it's weird that she'd get an ego boost from it)."
"You kid will be living with the name you choose for her whole life."
"It's better to just ignore outside opinions for this unless you're getting an all around 'you picked a wack name, you sure?'"- Brief-Small
"NTA."
"Tell them that one of them should have a baby since they want to name it after Rebecca so bad."
"When people try to make decisions and are annoying and pushy about my baby, I straight up will tell them to have their own if they want to make major decisions about a baby so bad."- Designer-Salt-946
"Definitely NTA."
"First off, why would you even name a baby after someone who’s still alive? That’s kinda dumb."
"Second, no one cares how Rebecca feels. You want a kid named after you, have a baby."
"Third, stick to your decision if you fold on this, you’ll literally never be able to stand up against that family on anything they’ll get over it eventually or they won’t and they just won’t see your daughter."- jmactruck72
"The fact that the MIL and sister-in-law texted and then called you to hound you about it is insane to me."
"It's weird enough to bring it up in person even once, but to think, 'hey, maybe he didn't get the message that we're not asking and we're demanding. We should follow up and call him. It's wild."
"You are absolutely NTA."
"They are very rude, nervy, and quite honestly, I do not envy you for marrying into that."
"I've seen these things before."
"First it starts with the name, then a few years down the line the MIL or SIL 'fall on hard times' and your wife is going to start hounding you to give them money, then possibly housing them, etc., etc."
'I hope it all works out for you in the end, but this is a huge RED flag, especially the follow-up texts and calls."- Skwuat
When parents choose to name their child after a friend or family member, it's usually because of the positive impact they had on their lives or their stand-up, commendable behavior.
Not because the person in question asked them to.
It seems that Rebecca has gotten her way for far too long, and needs to start learning sooner rather than later that it just won't always be that way.
As many have pointed out, one imagines that when this baby gets more attention than she does, this will become all the more clear.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.