As the classic song goes, "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!"
However, there are very few situations where that logic is ever justified.
In fact, unless the party's honoree is crying tears of joy, if they invited others to celebrate a special occasion with them, or are being thrown a party by others to celebrate them, then they should be on their best behavior.
Redditor CricketApart2018 wasn't particularly excited to attend a recent party her older sister threw, for personal reasons.
After her sister threw an all out tantrum at this party, the original poster (OP) wasted no time in leaving the party.
A move which was very much noticed by her sister, and equally unappreciated.
Wondering if she was being insensitive to her sister's feelings, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for walking out of my sister's baby gender reveal party?"
The OP explained why she wasted no time in bolting from her sister's gender reveal party:
"My sister (37 F[emale]) is expecting her first child and she decided to throw a gender reveal party to find out if they were having a boy or girl."
"We're not that close."
"She's a decade older than me (27 F) and we're very different people so it's not a great combo."
"Plus my sister can be kind of spoiled and entitled."
"But still we're family and I knew my family would expect me to be there for this occasion so we (husband was also invited) went."
"Some brief background."
"I have been pregnant four times but I have no living children."
"Three ended in miscarriage."
"One ended with my baby being stillborn."
"My stillborn child should be 1 now."
"But we don't get to see them grow up."
"My husband and I have taken a break to heal so we can be healthy parents if we are lucky enough to have more children."
"When we got there it looked very much like they knew they were having a girl."
"There was so much pink."
"SO much."
"No blue."
"Which left us wondering why the gender reveal."
"When the time came for the reveal everyone found out my sister is expecting a boy."
"Her reaction was the reason I left."
"She got so hysterical and furious and she cursed and screamed that she wanted a girl, she was supposed to be having a girl and who the f*ck was punishing her this way."
"Her husband looked equally upset by the reveal."
"I heard him say it was all bs and what a waste."
"My sister's temper tantrum saddened me and honestly sickened me as someone who would do anything for a child to raise."
"So we quietly left."
"But it was noticed."
"My sister asked what the hell we ran off for without comforting her, and I told her I could not."
"That her reaction was not something I could understand."
"She told me to save her from the outrage, and how dare I judge her when she has every right to be upset. Her dream has ended, and she's now left figuring out what to do with a boy."
"I told her, given the losses I had faced, I could not understand, and I ended the call."
"She texted me saying I was a terrible sister."
"Then my parents called me to say I should have stayed and waited for any feelings until after."
"They also told me I should just be there for my sister now."
"That she's going through something I don't understand."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for bailing on her sister's gender reveal party.
Everyone agreed that even if the OP didn't have her heartbreaking issues with conceiving, her sister's immature tantrum still more than justified her early departure, while also agreeing that if anyone's behavior was more shocking, it was the OP's parents.
"NTA."
"'My sister's temper tantrum saddened me and honestly sickened me as someone who would do anything for a child to raise'."
"'So we quietly left'."
"'But it was noticed'."
"'I don't understand either your sister's reaction or your parents."
"'Then my parents called me to say I should have stayed and waited for any feelings until after'."
"'They also told me I should just be there for my sister now'."
"'That she's going through something I don't understand'."
"What your parents said is totally beyond belief."
"You and your husband would give anything to have a living, healthy child, and your sister threw a tantrum because she is having a boy."
"Your sister and parents are massive A-H's!"- Comfortable-Sea-2454
"NTA."
"Your sister has some definite entitlement issues and throwing a tantrum like a toddler proves she has yet to grow up and be an adult."
"Other family members supporting her behaviour will only make your sister believe that her narcissistic view on things is right."
"I'd cut off the lot of them if this is the way they choose to act."- kiwimuz
"NTA."
"You wouldn't be an ahole if you never even tried to have children and walked out simply because you didn't want to deal with that insane temper tantrum."
"Like, she knew there was about 50% chance that it would be a boy."
"If she wasn't prepared to handle that quite likely outcome, she is sure at hell not prepared to handle a child of either sex."- Pesec1
"NTA, you lost every child you got pregnant with, and here your sister should be glad she's going to be having a healthy baby."
"I would have left after that, too, regardless, because who reacts like that to their baby's gender reveal?"
"She shouldn't have put all her eggs in a basket thinking it was a girl."
"I hope she doesn't grow to resent the boy as I see in other posts since she really wanted a girl."
"Hope you are doing okay."- Purple_Maize536
"NTA."
"Let me guess they probably have a recording of this attention seeking party too so one day their son can see how disappointed mommy was over him being a boy."
"If you wouldn't be happy with either gender, don't throw a reveal party so you can process your emotions appropriately and away from others."
"Your feelings are 1000% valid, and it's sad your sister can't appreciate the gift of so far having a healthy pregnancy/ baby."- dirtynerdy585
"I've never been pregnant, not planning of having children like ever, and I would've walked away all the same."
"NTA, and I'm really sorry for your losses."
"Children aren't toys to play with. They're human beings."
"What your sister is going through is called 'not being mature enough to be a parent', unfortunately it's not easy to fix considering she's almost 40 and not 12."- daffodilsx
"NTA."
"Totally understand your point of view."
"Sounds like she's the golden child."
"Maybe it's time to put some distance between you and them for a little while."-RutabagaCurious3279
"Your sisters/BIL's actions are indefensible."
"I would have left also, NTA."- GirlDad2023_
"Ugh."
"I send you a big hug."
"NTA, and honestly, people like your sister and BIL sickens me."
"A baby is not a toy."
"Is a living human being that you and your loved one created together."
"Isn't that enough to love the child?"- sinchistesp
"NTA."
"Your poor nephew."
"Your sister is going to be a god awful mother."- AgnarCrackenhammer
"So NTA , One of the many reasons I hate gender reveal parties."
"Immature, soon-to-be parents that can't hide their 'disappointment' with what they are having."
"FFS, this is another example of entitled behavior that has its roots in OTT social media and influencers."
"So many times it's a gift grab that will be followed by baby showers or 'god forbid' baby sprinkles."
"You should consider a period of no contact with your sister and low contact with your mother after letting your mother know you will shut her down if there is one more mention of your sister."
"I hope you have an update on here one day with positive news for you."- lorainnesmith
"NTA."
"You did what was right for you and your husband."
"I would LC with your sister and parents."
"Her reaction is pretty horrible."- Jax011
"NTA."
"Your sister is clearly the AH here. Even if there was no history of yours, her tantrums are absolutely not appropriate whatsoever!"- GeneraleHej
It's pretty shocking that the OP's parents would actually tell her she needed to "be there for her sister", when it's hard to believe the OP's sister was ever there for her.
Not when she claims her "dreams were crushed" by the fact she's having a healthy, beautiful baby boy when the OP has had four heartbreaking failed attempts at fulfilling her dream of becoming a parent.
The only thing that's surprising is that more people didn't storm out of that gender reveal party...
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.