For prospective brides, planning a wedding comes with a fairly equal amount of joy and stress.
While all of the time and effort are dedicated to planning what should be the happiest day of their lives, they sometimes have trouble finding joy in the numerous decisions they need to make.
Including, if not especially, picking their wedding dress, as most brides dream of finding the perfect dress.
The sister of Redditor ThrowAway5291926 seemed to luck out in having a nephew with the ability to design her a dress tailored to her every whim.
Free of charge, no less.
However, after making a shocking discovery in the days leading up to his sister’s wedding, the original poster (OP) decided she was not worthy of the dress his son had worked so hard on.
A decision which was expectedly met with anger and tears by his sister.
Worried he may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not giving my sister her wedding dress because she didn’t invited my underage son?”
The OP explained how a decision his sister made regarding her wedding resulted in his making a fairly drastic decision of his own.
“I (40 M[ale]) have a sister (30 F[emale]) who is getting married in a week.”
“The groom proposed to her a year ago at a family dinner that left everyone speechless, but very happy for them as they are longtime companions.”
“During this dinner, my sister asked my son (17 M) to make her wedding dress.”
“My son has always loved design and fashion. He took technical courses in these areas and sewing, and even his friends keep asking for his clothes because they are so beautiful.”
“He agreed but said that he needed time and that he would need her opinion constantly.”
“At first, my sister was very annoying.”
“My son drew about 50 dress designs in a month, and she only liked one, which he continued with. He sewed it with great quality fabric, which I paid for as I wanted to get involved in a certain way.”
“For five months, he made several adjustments to suit her wishes, as she always complained about something.”
“After a while, he arrived at the final model, and it was just amazing.”
“My mother cried seeing my sister in the dress, and I confess that I almost got emotional too.”
“The problem was that last week my son came to talk to me about the wedding invitation that had not arrived for him but for other family members.”
“I thought maybe he didn’t need one, but it still felt weird.”
“I messaged my sister raising this issue, and she replied that she didn’t want any underage people at her wedding because there would be alcohol.”
“I asked if she was going to make an exception for my son, but she cut me off and said no.”
“There are no children in our family, my son is the only minor, so I didn’t see any sense in this rule for family members.”
“And to make matters worse, my son was very sad and cried because he spent months on this dress and couldn’t go to the wedding.”
“I was very upset and told my sister that she should look for another dress as soon as possible, as she would no longer wear the one my son made.”
“She called and yelled at me, saying I was being unreasonable and that I couldn’t do this.”
“My mother called me saying I should deliver the dress and follow the rules, but I didn’t and hung up on her.”
“Because of this, the family is divided.”
“Many agree with me and condemn my sister’s action saying she could only make an exception, but another party says I’m unreasonable and I’m spoiling her big day.”
“I don’t think I’m being wrong but just rational and paying her back in kind.”
“So AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to give his sister the wedding dress his son designed for her.
Everyone thought that OP’s sister was manipulative and exploitative, with many agreeing that the only circumstance the OP should give the dress was if she paid for it.
“NTA.”
“If she is willing to make an adult-sized request of a 17-year-old, she should be willing to accept him as an adult.”
“There is also no reason that a minor cannot attend a wedding with an open bar as everyone venue I looked at for my wedding, and every open barred wedding I have attended, has had a bartender that checked IDs.”- Low-Wear-6259
“NTA.”
“OMG, he MADE THE DRESS and wasn’t invited!?!?”
“And so close to 18 too!”
“Your sister is TA.”
“Also charge her for the dress, and make sure to account for time spent designing, too.”- Eadiacara
“Well, if he’s not invited, he doesn’t need to give a gift.”
“She should pay for the dress, and if she doesn’t you’re NTA.”- Artichoke-8951
“So your sister can’t have children at her wedding but use your son as child labor to make her wedding dress?”
“She’s TA.”- ButterflyOne6802
“NTA.”
“But your sister definitely is.”
“She doesn’t want her almost adult nephew who designed and made her dress at her wedding because… there would be alcohol?”
“I could understand if she didn’t want to make an exception for a friend or even a cousin.”
“Making an exception for her only minor nephew, especially given that she could have pointed him out when people asked about the dress, would have been not only understandable but practically obligatory to anyone hearing about the circumstances.”
“I have to wonder if she was even planning on letting anyone know who was the designer and tailor of the dress.”- TrelanaSakuyo
“If minors are not invited due to alcohol, then it’s not appropriate to wear a dress made by a minor.”-andale01
“NTA.”
“What an a**hole move of her not inviting the person who is making her dress for free.”
“Ask her to pay for the dress or invite him. Her decision.”- _Drumheller_
“NTA.”
“The aunt [sic] shouldn’t mess with the dressmaker.”
“But whatever you do, charge her for the dress.”
“It’s ‘priceless,’ sure.”
“The problem is, you’re setting a precedence to your relatives in place of your son.”
“Now a lot of your relatives are gonna expect a free wedding dress because it happened once.”
“Yes, your son is still learning.”
“Yes, you paid for the fabric.”
“It’s still worth months of his work, his labor.”
“Whether or not you give the dress to her, charge her.”
“Especially since she was difficult to work with.”
“Go to a small claims court if you have to, so that your son won’t be taken advantage of in the future.”- financiallybrokehoot
“NTA.”
“He should go and wear the dress.”- rezdogs870
“NTA .”
“Your sister is a piece of work.”
“She’s fine with unpaid child labor but not five with inviting a ‘child’ to an event with alcohol?”
“Makes sense.”- shnanogans
“Yes, you can have your dress. That’ll be roughly £4000, thank you.”
“NTA.”- Happycatlady1982
“NTA.”
“I would usually say her wedding, her rules, but he made the dress, would be the only minor and an older teenager at that, and did all of this for free with you covering the materials.”
“She’s used him.”- Important_Sprinkles9
“NTA.”
“I was at a wedding a few weeks ago, open bar, kids allowed.”
“Everyone had a blast.”
“As there are no other kids, this rule is aimed directly at your son. It’s a power trip.”- panzer22222
“NTA.”
“She is welcome to purchase the dress from you.”
“A cursory glance tells me that custom wedding dresses designed over MONTHS go for $10-20K.”-nim_opet
“NTA but boy is your sister a piece of work.”
“Your son, at 17, is old enough to design and create a wedding dress, no doubt at a fraction of the price of a bridal boutique, but too young to behave responsibly at a wedding?”
“It can be one or the other, but not both at once.”
“Absolute power move to keep the dress, 100% applaud you on that one!”- ZippyKoala
“NTA.”
‘I would send a polite email to her telling her that your son made the dress for his aunt as a gift because they are family.”
‘HOWEVER, if he is not invited, then that’s fine, but clearly he is not considered as family, and the dress is ready for pickup at the cost of $3,500 (or whatever $$).”- sarab4321
It is pretty ironic that the OP’s sister adamantly refused to have minors, including her own nephew, at her wedding but didn’t seem to have any problem possibly breaking child labor laws to get a wedding dress.
The very least she could do is pay for the dress he worked so hard to make but wouldn’t get to see.
Otherwise, an emergency stop at a used wedding dress shop is probably in the cards.