Fondue is a Swiss dish served communally in a pot over a small flame.
Diners use long forks to dip food into the pot’s hot contents to either coat it or cook it.
While cheese fondue is the most well-known, chocolate, oil, and broth fondue are also options.
A Redditor whose family shares a fondue every year turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after being asked to skip it.
CharacterWeekend8791 asked:
“AITA for not wanting to break a family tradition to accomodate my sister-in-law (SIL)?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“For at least 10 years or more, it has been our family’s tradition to have a meat oil fondue for dinner on Christmas Eve.”
“My sister-in-law has had her gallbladder removed and can’t eat greasy/fatty foods. Last year, she brought her own salmon filet to have for dinner while we all did the oil fondue.”
“My brother has now stated that if we have fondue again, they will not come because she does not want to feel left out. Either we all eat the same thing or they don’t come.”
“I would be happy to provide an alternative for just her instead of her bringing it herself, but I don’t want to break our fondue tradition. It’s how my kids grew up and my parents enjoy it as well.”
“Traditions are important to them.”
“AITA for saying no and effectively leaving them out?”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I want to continue having our traditional greasy/fatty meat fondue dinner. That then means it would exclude their family.”
“Or should we change our tradition to accommodate one person and their dietary restrictions so we all eat the same food at the meal?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. It’s not fair to ask everyone to change a holiday tradition for everyone when that person is already being accommodated. My son has an intolerance to the protein in dairy, so he can’t have it at all.”
“So when we do the Feast of the Seven Fishes, some of the dishes are dairy-free, and some have dairy. It would be totally unfair for him to demand that because he can’t have dairy, no one can.” ~ obtusewisdom
“NTA. You’ve already stated you’re willing to accommodate your SiL by providing an alternative, and as the Host, you shouldn’t have to change the entire meal for everyone to accommodate one person, especially if it’s a long-standing tradition the whole Family enjoys.” ~ OnlymyOP
“NTA as long as you’re willing to provide a separate dish so she can eat. There is no reason that everyone should be held to her diet.” ~ keesouth
“Brother: Either we all eat the same thing or [we] don’t come.”
“Family: That’s too bad. We’ll miss you and your salmon filet.”
“NTA.” ~ Impossible_Gazelle27
“I do not understand this hideous, selfish need to impose one person’s dietary restriction upon everyone, especially when it is a long-standing tradition.”
“I would never presume to be so delusional that I would demand no one else can eat something because I can’t! Especially when a perfectly good alternative is offered.”
“WTF is wrong with these people? OP, you are NTA. Tell them sorr,y we will miss you and your entitlement this year!” ~ Tricky-Ad6582
“I know all sorts of folks with all sorts of dietary restrictions (both voluntary and involuntary), and they take responsibility to work around their restrictions.”
“If that means they bring their own food (like a vegetarian main course if they’re the only vegetarian present), that’s what they do; if it means that they make a substitution for what everyone is doing (like a sparking juice instead of champagne if they can’t drink alcohol), that’s what they do.”
“Your brother and SIL are being ridiculously self-centered. NTA.” ~ wesmorgan1
But some saw a different side based on the comments the OP left.
“YTA for not even considering a change that offers a fondue option that everyone can enjoy together.” ~ Lcdmt3
“Isn’t a holiday tradition supposed to bring the family together, not exclude people? Why not just make a broth fondue with some veggies, fish, or chicken so she can be included, but not be sick later? Curious how no one considered this option.”
“YTA for caring more about a tradition than your family members and for not trying to include her. She’s family, and that’s the whole point of the holidays and traditions. I imagine you’d feel very differently if it were you, your husband, or kid, not your SIL, being excluded.” ~ JellyfishSure1360
“It’s a huge difference to have everyone eating one item and then have a totally different meal prepared just for one person. It’s one type of accommodation, but I don’t blame SIL for not feeling like dealing with it for several years in a row.”
“I’m a vegetarian, and being included to me involves at least some of the communal dishes being something I can eat. It’s not that hard.” ~ snarkitall
“You’re basically just saying ‘I refuse to have any non-fatty food for everybody on Christmas, we all have to stuff our faces until we’re unwell, and this woman just has to watch it while she eats something completely different’.”
“You say traditions are important to your kids, but when I was younger, if my parents had purposefully made a family member feel excluded by purposefully making sure that every single other person was only eating food they couldn’t eat, I would have taken the message that you intend to convey from that: that this woman is not actually a part of the family.” ~ haleorshine
“It’s very confusing that the simplest solution—expand the menu to include something SIL can eat WITH everyone else—isn’t being considered.” ~ uptownbrowngirl
“You can do meat fondue with broth instead of oil, making it less fatty/greasy. My friend does this at home and I’ve had it at her parent’s house. Just get another set and have one oil and one broth.”
“It’s a nice change and makes a great soup after. Boil some noodles and serve them with it. Then it’s the same thing, just no fat.”
“Or get a table grill and nice fish or a Chinese hot pot. It’s not that expensive and can be used again and again and she would be included in the fun.” ~ VirtualMatter2
“I honestly don’t think it’s so much as everyone eat the same, but everyone leaves her out and talks and have fun around the fondue pot and she can’t join in. That’s why I agree with others who say to offer another pot so she can be there with everyone too.”
“Several people in my LARGE family have celiac disease and we would never make them eat something off to the side by themselves while we all have fun around a singular area separately and exclude them from the conversation.”
“That is what happened last year right? She was off sitting by herself to eat? How would you have felt in that situation?”
“I think she’s feeling left out because everyone else is gathered around the fondue pot and she’s on the outside with no one talking to her.”
“I don’t understand why it would be so hard to get another fondue pot. Hell even maybe a few more so you can have several different options for the ones who have celiac too or prefer less fatty options.”
“When family has health problems, you work around it by offering a way for them to be included as well. You don’t just stick to your guns because you wanna be right.” ~ spagtscully
“OP seems a little ‘this is how we’ve always done it so this is how WE WILL ALWAYS do it.’ Adapt a little maybe? Traditions can grow.”
“Brother is unreasonable for saying you all eat the same or they don’t come. Again, unreasonably stuck on the tradition of all eating the same dish.”
“You both need to grow up past your ‘set in stone’ tradition. ESH.” ~ Cerridwen1981
“I don’t see why you can’t have more than one pot. I host Thanksgiving every year. We now have a few vegetarians in the family.”
“I have a turkey for the omnivores, and always a vegetarian main or 2, along with sides. I make 2 dishes of stuffing/dressing, one with sausage, one without. I make turkey gravy and one using vegetable broth for the vegetarians.”
“It’s really not difficult to accommodate everyone while maintaining traditions.” ~ According-Paint6981
“I’m curious what OP would do if one of their kids became a vegetarian or developed a food intolerance. Would they also be excluded from Christmas in favour of ‘tradition’?”
“If not, it seems like they’re just trying to find ways to exclude family members they’re maybe not as close to.” ~ librarygirl21
While some thought having the sister-in-law eat a separate meal from everyone else was no big deal, others didn’t understand why the only fondue options were greasy and fatty.
OP has a few months to figure out if they want to include their brother and his wife—by expanding everyone’s options—or not.