As long as children live with their parents, no matter how old you are, it’s safe to say that parents will have certain, base expectations.
These might include doing their own laundry, cleaning their own rooms, and possibly even buying their own groceries.
What’s more debatable, however, is whether or not they should be expected to fulfill last minute obligations thrown at them.
Simply owing to the fact that they still live at home.
A recent Redditor still lived at home while they were attending university, along with his mother, her boyfriend, and his son.
For the most part, the living situation was a happy one for the original poster (OP) and his family.
Things took an unfortunate turn, however, when the boyfriend of the OP’s mother threw a command at him he was unable to fulfill.
Leading to a tense exchange of words.
Having some doubts about how he handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my mom’s boyfriend his son is not my responsibility?”
The OP explained why things became heated between him and his mother’s boyfriend:
“My (20 M[ale]) parents divorced when i was 16, and it was messy.”
“I live with my mom now and, her boyfriend ‘Mark’ (43), and Marks son ‘Liam’ (11).”
“I’m in my second year of college, which is its own special kind of stress with exams and projects.”
“The dynamic is fine, usually.”
“Mark is okay, but he has a habit of assuming im a newly acquired babysitter.”
“Liam is a good kid, but wasn’t raised properly (which is another entire thing) and he’s just 11, he’s energetic, loud, and is very impersonal and doesn’t understand the concept of personal space yet.”
“The issue happened this past Saturday.”
“I had a massive assignment due on Monday morning, and I was planning on spending the entire weekend at the library on campus.”
“On Saturday morning, as I’m packing my bag, Mark comes to me to let me know he and my mom are going away and I need to keep an eye on Liam.”
“I was immediately stressed, so I told him I can’t and that I have to go to uni to focus on my uni work.”
“He waved me off and said its fine and I should take him along with me to campus and keep him busy on the tablet.”
“Immediately i was like f*ck no, I’m not taking an 11 year old kid to my university while I need to focus on a big submission.”
“I said no, trying to be firm, saying that I cannot be responsible for him for an entire day at my uni, and I asked if he couldn’t stay at a friends or at his grandma’s or moms.”
“Marks face fell and he looked genuinely annoyed.”
“He told me it’s just one day and that trying to organize stuff with other parents and family would be too much of a hassle, and that the least i could do was help out.”
“I couldn’t take it honestly, so i snapped.”
“I’ve been under a lot of pressure for printing assignments and group work etc, and that was lowkey the last straw.”
“I told him that Liam is HIS son, not mine; he is NOT my responsibility, I didn’t choose to have a kid when I wasn’t ready, and my only obligation is to get my degree and move out.”
“They both went silent for a bit, visibly upset, and after a while, Mark just said it’s fine and that I shouldn’t bother asking them favors in the future.”
“My mom later that day texted me and said I was disrespectful and hurtful, which I did lose my temper slightly, but I feel like they had no right to try and force Liam as my responsibility so last minute.”
“AITA for what I said?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for telling Mark that he was not responsible for his child.
While some felt that the OP may have gone a bit too far with his choice of words, everyone otherwise agreed that Mark had no right to throw babysitting duties on him at the last minute, and Mark needed to hear that:
“NTA.”
“Be one thing if they had asked in advance and you agreed.”
“But springing it at the last minute?”
“Also followed up by the emotional manipulation of, well, don’t ask us any more favors?”
“Hard pass.”
“Not your kid, not your responsibility.”
“Don’t feel bad saying no and setting boundaries.”
“Your education has to be the priority and come first.”- spambreath
“NTA.”
“This was not an emergency; they had plenty of time to sort out childcare.”- FairyCompetent
“NTA I’d text your mom, ‘I was headed out the door to campus when he announced I was babysitting. I had specific things I needed to do, but he said I could just take Liam, who is high energy and noisy, to the campus library.”
“‘So I said no’.”
“‘It’s frustrating that Mark believes I am the on-call sitter and whatever else I’m doing will accommodate that’.”
“‘If I’m going to manage graduating, I need to be able to plan around anything I do for you both’.”
“‘It doesn’t mean I won’t contribute, it does mean that I am not Liam’s parent, whose care I have to schedule around’.”
“‘I do not think it’s disrespectful to tell Mark that since it’s a recurring issue and I was upset as I have school deadlines’.”
“‘I can contribute in various ways, just not at the last minute unless it’s an emergency’.”- julesk
“NTA.”
“Mark is using you and being lazy.”
“He had other options, and this wasn’t an emergency.”
“You did well to nip this in the bud.”- Specific_Impact_367
“NTA.”
“They dropped this on you at the last minute.”
“That’s disrespectful to you and your time.”
“You are not a built-in babysitter.”
“Just because your mom is offended doesn’t make her right.”
“They overstepped big time and waited til the last minute, thinking they could just dump him on you.”
“No way.”
“NTA.”- One-Plantain-9454
“NTA.”
“It sounds like he was being incredibly dismissive of your needs at the time and that you don’t feel proud about how you defended your boundaries in the end.”
“However, you would not have been pushed so far if any one of your ‘nos’ had been respected.”
“You’re an adult.”
“You should be able to state what you can handle and be heard.”
“As the de facto family babysitter from age 12 to 19, I know how easy it is to be taken for granted and have my life goals sacrificed for today’s convenience.”
“What you said and how you said it might not have been great, but they laid the foundation of sh*ttiness that resulted in this moment.”- TundraStorms
“NTA.”
“At first I interpreted this as Mark being your stepdad, and then I realized that he’s your mom’s boyfriend.”
“So the fact that this is the expectation is even more not ok.”
“Mark is massively overstepping and unfortunately your mom is letting him.”
“Have you tried talking to her about it when Mark isn’t around?”- ColorfulConspiracy
“NTA.”
“He needed to hear that.”
“It was petty of him to say he wouldn’t do you any favors going forward.”
“He didn’t even ask you in advance, so he’d have time to make alternative arrangements.”
“He just ASSUMED you were available.”
“That’s not okay when dealing with an adult who has obligations, like studying for school.”-Regular_Boot_3540
“Disrespectful?”
“What’s disrespectful is Mark feeling entitled to OP’s babysitting services with no notice or agreement and then pushing back hard when the answer is ‘No’.”
“Firmly setting boundaries when they have been repeatedly dismissed is not disrespectful, it is meeting the bully on his own turf.”
“And equating his ‘Babysit all day even though you were about to walk out the door’ with ‘any favors at all in the future’ shows what a nasty piece of work Mark is.”
“Yuck.”
“NTA.”- FiberKitty
“NTA.”
“It was inappropriate for Mark to spring it on you at the last minute and expect you to drop everything.”
“It’s also not your fault you snapped; you tried to speak reasonably, and he didn’t want to listen.”
“You should also know that your living situation could become difficult.”
“Be prepared by making plans.”- Savings_Telephone_96
“NTA, of course.”
“You need to say nothing but ‘No’.”
“And do not forget, Mark and Liam are NOT YOUR FAMILY, even by marriage to your mom yet.”
“HE IS MOM’S BOYFRIEND!”
“To just presume that another adult in the home is automatically able to just ‘take care of’ your child is the height of arrogance.”
“Please remember that if they ever try to just ‘leave’ Liam with you without your express consent, that is called child abandonment and is a crime.”
“If Mark or even your mom gets pushy about it all, remind them of this fact – you only have to call the cops, who can call CPS.”
“I’d plan on moving out as soon as you can, or perhaps move in with a more sympathetic relative until you can be independent.”- parodytx
Had Mark requested this of the OP with plenty of advance notice, then his reaction would have been incredibly inappropriate.
However, Mark sprung this on the OP without any notice; one can at least understand where his emotional response came from.
Even if it will likely forever affect his relationship with Mark.