Newborns need a ton of attention and care.
It’s also great if they have additional caretakers with experience.
Who gets to be alone with a baby is a big decision parents have to make.
Sometimes, couples don’t see eye to eye on this matter.
Redditor These-Credit-9973 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for shouting at my husband for letting my SIL take our baby out without telling me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (23 F[emale]) S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] lives in the same building and has taken our 4-month-old baby for an hour at a time a few times.”
“He’s usually within hearing distance, so if anything goes wrong, I can get there quickly.”
“Yesterday, I (30 F) had an appointment and left the baby with my husband (35 M[ale]).”
“When I came back, I found out the baby was gone, and my husband told me my SIL had taken him to run errands with her.”
“I panicked and told him I wasn’t comfortable with it.”
“He then explained, but then shouted at me because I wouldn’t let it go.”
“So I started shouting at him back.”
“He said I wouldn’t have seen my phone during the appointment and thought it was fine since she’s looked after the baby before.”
“I swore at him as he got angry back at me, but I was just panicking because she doesn’t have much experience with babies and she’s only looked after him indoors so far.”
“For context, she’s joked before about things like wanting to throw water in his face when he cries and gets offended if he cries with her, but he’s just a baby and made me uncomfortable.”
“Sometimes she’ll also take him out of my hands while I’m holding him without asking me, which annoys me.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for losing my temper?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA for losing your temper this time, but why the f**k would you still give this person access after they joked about waterboarding your 4-month-old?”
“You know he can’t tell you what she does to him when they are alone, right?
“Protect your child, please.” ~ UnderstandingAble194
“Watching the young baby is one thing.”
“Taking him in and out of wherever she’s running errands is not cool at all.”
‘I have 3 kids.”
“I was never okay with anyone taking them in a car unless it was very important — for all kinds of reasons, by the way.”
“I never thought they needed to be out joy-riding in traffic when I had no idea they’d even be leaving and in a car.”
“That is so not okay!”
“This 35-year-old dad sounds lazy and irresponsible.”
“Makes me wonder if when his wife leaves or is busy, he feels like he’s ‘babysitting’ his own child.”
“This mother has every right to be uncomfortable about what happened.”
“That’s a young baby.”
“Then, for him to shout at her??”
“His judgment is terrible.”
“His sister could have watched the baby at his house.”
“Unfortunately, mom of the baby needs to establish some serious boundaries.” ~ Foxtail-67
“Watching the baby isn’t the issue.’
“It’s allowing a very young SIL to take the baby on errands.”
“It’s cold and flu season.”
“An infant shouldn’t be in contact with hundreds of strangers for no reason. NTA.” ~ Traveler691
“NTA, but your husband is.”
“Your SIL has no business taking a 4-month-old to just run errands.”
“There was no need for that; he’s not an accessory or toy to be dragged around away from a parent.”
“Who the f**k randomly does that for no reason?”
“What if she got into an accident with him?”
“Yeah, your husband is completely out of line and has seriously questionable judgment.”
“The fact that he can’t see that is very troubling.” ~ AwkwardImpression72
“NTA and I don’t care about the downvotes.”
“Your husband wanted ‘me time.'”
“He knew you wouldn’t be happy with the aunt taking your kid, and he didn’t care as long as he could get the kid away from him.”
“And yelling is an appropriate response sometimes.” ~ onlytexts
“NAH. Mostly BECAUSE you’re 4 months postpartum and still going through it.”
“This gets easier as time goes on, but you gotta realize that shouting at him and questioning his judgment like this does not serve you at all.” ~ indicatprincess
“NAH – just 2 new parents trying to figure it out.”
“I totally get why this caught you off guard — especially with your first baby, everything feels big and you want to be in the loop.”
‘Your feelings are valid.”
“One word of caution from someone a bit further down the road: be careful about setting a precedent where every single decision about the baby has to go through you or get your approval first.”
“It seems small now, but that dynamic can snowball into you carrying the entire mental load for years — and that gets exhausting fast.”
“If your husband used reasonable judgment with someone you already trust to babysit, it might be worth seeing this as an opportunity to share that decision-making responsibility rather than holding it all yourself.”
“Open communication is key, but so is making sure the mental load doesn’t fall only on you.” ~ Ok-Praline-9023
“NTA. Your husband was watching the baby when you left, but the baby was gone when you got home?”
“And he yelled at YOU for being unhappy about the situation?!”
“I recommend that you two do some counseling to learn how to not yell at each other when you disagree.”
“And your husband needs to take a parenting class ASAP.”
“Cut SIL off from unsupervised babysitting.” ~ Runneymeade
“NTA. Watching the baby in your home for an hour or so is completely different than taking the infant out of the home and unnecessarily exposing the child to germs.”
“Secondly, your husband knew it would upset you and chose to do it anyway.”
“He wanted a few hours not to parent.”
“Who cares for your children is a two-yes, one-no decision.”
“Lastly, you both should have had conversations prior to this about what makes you both comfortable and who is allowed to drive your child and where they are allowed to take them.”
“For example, my father doesn’t believe in using a turn signal… he’s not allowed to drive many family members’ children as a result.”
“You both need to learn to communicate better.” ~ PsychologicalYak6269
“NTA. He was unable to control his emotions and started shouting at his wife, who had just given birth, and allowed his sister, who had joked about throwing water on a BABY, to take said baby on errands.”
“That’s absolutely wild, OP, and I would be furious too.”
“Your husband and his family seem to have issues.” ~ pennywhistlesmoonpie
“NTA. This is horrifying.”
“It’s a two-yes, one-no situation.”
“He cannot lend your child out without informing you, especially not at 4 months.”
“This is not okay.”
“His yelling at you for being panicked is NOT okay.”
‘Especially not when she makes such odd jokes.”
“Joking about throwing water in the face of a crying baby is the wildest s**t ever.” ~ hollowl0g1c
“NAH, I think it is something that some new mothers have to learn.”
“Their partner has decision rights also, and that, including family, is positive.”
“It’s good for your children to have people who want to spend time with them.” ~ Limp_Buy_4016
“NTA. You should tell your husband and the SIL (separately), in case SIL doesn’t understand, babies being scared is a huge thing, even if it’s over nothing.”
“Water in the face is not dangerous (unless hot or excessive), but scaring babies is not fun for the baby.”
“Same with tickling and such.”
“I assume you would have said if SIl has made other a bit off comments before.”
“She might just not understand it, but it is worth keeping an eye out.”
“And your husband should inform you when the baby leaves home because it’s cruel not to inform the mother.”
“Your hormonal state is powerful and takes no prisoners.” ~ Sensiplastic
“NTA, my son was in elementary school before I let him ride in a car with anyone besides his dad or me!”
“That’s a huge trust issue.”
“Your husband broke yours.” ~ dflylover
“I always had my siblings’ babies by their 4th month.”
“I couldn’t imagine not spending that time with them.”
“But I never gave my siblings a reason not to trust me.”
“I loved those babies and respected their parents’ wishes when they were with me.”
“NTA for feeling however you feel about your baby.”
“Talk to hubby.” ~ ShortThunder5145
“It’s not great that either of y’all lost your temper, but you certainly have every right to be upset.”
“I would not have been comfortable with that either. NTA.” ~ JHsquared
“NTA. 4 months, you’re extremely protective as a mom.”
“Even without a SIL that thinks water is a good idea in the face.”
“You trusted your husband could watch your child for the appointment.”
“Why does she even need to take your kid if he’s home and can go on errands?”
“Does he need a break after 20 minutes?”
“I don’t know your SIL; maybe she’s a great caretaker.”
“In time, that may be a good resource for both you and your husband.”
“It’s normal to be how you’re being in the early months.” ~ anditurnedaround
Reddit is with you, OP.
You’re worried for your child.
It’s perfectly responsible to be nervous.
Your husband should’ve consulted with you on this.
Hopefully, y’all can have a calm chat about all of this and come to terms with the future.