Chores are a part of life.
The house isn’t going to clean itself, so people have to do it themselves or hire a crew.
These chores can stir up issues in a relationship.
In recent years, the massive move to work from home has sometimes put a bulk of the chores on the person technically “at home all day.”
But that person is working.
There is only so much time in the day.
So, where is the fair balance in responsibilities?
Redditor AwkwardPatience2275 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for getting angry when my boyfriend asked me, ‘What have you been doing all day?’ when he got home from work because he feels the house isn’t clean enough?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 30) work full time, but my B[oy]F[riend] (33 M[ale]) came home from work today and asked, ‘What have you been doing all day?’ because the kitchen table had clutter on it (some of it being his stuff, may I add).”
“I work full-time from home, and he works full-time Monday-Friday.”
“To be fair to him, his days can be much longer than mine.”
“I have been off work this week, but I haven’t felt well.”
“Even though I have been unwell, I have done the basics (laundry, cleaning dishes, and hoovering every day); but when he got home from work today, he complained that I’d been off all week and hadn’t done anything.”
“This is not the first time he’s gotten onto me about the house not being clean enough, even when I am at work.”
“I feel that because I pay half of everything to live here, I shouldn’t be expected to keep the house spotless, even though I work from home.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“BF is giving off ‘I want a trad wife’ vibe, for sure.”
“I’d look and see how many more red flags are showing up? NTA.” ~ tarmaq
“That’s the absolutely frustrating part!”
“How can you want a trad wife that works full time?”
“You want to do 0% of the domestic labor and contribute 50% of the financial obligations?”
“You don’t get 1950s family dynamics with 2025 thinking.”
“If someone is doing 100% of something.”
“They should not do 100% of anything else… at least not long term.”
“Exceptions and all.” ~ FightingSunrise
“Yeah, these dudes want trad wives, but they aren’t paying trad wife wages.”
“NTA, but OP, this guy doesn’t sound very nice.”
“Would you ever act like that toward him???” ~ inductiononN
“You both work full-time.”
“You each pay 50% of the bills.”
“He can start doing 50% of the cleaning. NTA.” ~ wesmorgan1
“The only correct answer.”
“The number of women I read posts from, who work full time, are expected to contribute 50% of all bills, but do 90% of the domestic work, is insane.”
“Why are women mothering these dumb, useless f**khead thirty-something men?”
“I do not understand it one bit.” ~ didthefabrictear
“If you both work full-time, there should be a 50/50 split of chores in the home. Period.”
“If he wants you to be 100% responsible for chores, he needs to make both salaries combined so you can be a S[tay]-A[t]-H[ome]-W[ife].”
“If my boyfriend ever made such a comment, WHILE I WAS SICK, I’d be fuming.”
“I’m sorry ❤️🩹.” ~ lovewholly
“I hate that people think because someone works from home, that automatically means they suddenly have the time to clean the house too.”
“Work from home is still work.”
“I get that each job varies with how much you’re actively working, but still.”
“If you were deep cleaning the kitchen and your supervisor needed you and you weren’t there to respond, you’d be cooked.”
“NTA. He’s perfectly capable of cleaning, too, regardless of whether he has to go to a work location.” ~ hstephens1
“Agree, I work MORE when I am at home than I ever did in the office, and then when I finish, I am just as tired as if I had to commute, so I need downtime to function.”
“OP is NTA, her partner is though.” ~ Hailstar07
“NTA. And if he thinks the housework isn’t up to standard, he’s welcome to get involved.”
“Especially when it comes to picking up after himself.” ~ Mira_DFalco
“This made me see red.”
“I’m a very old man, but even when I was growing up, this kind of behaviour was considered totally out of order from some grim time in the past.”
“Don’t put up with this.”
“Don’t let yourself be bullied.”
“Discuss and agree on a fair distribution of home tasks; otherwise, it looks like they will all fall to you.”
“If you can afford it, consider getting a cleaner to come in once a week. NTA.” ~ TiberiusTheFish
“NTA. If both of you work full-time and pay half of the bills, both of you should do half of the household duties.” ~ Various-Ocelot-2209
“NTA. Your BF doesn’t want a partner; he wants a maid with benefits.”
“It’s pretty clear he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t appreciate what you are doing to care for the home, and he doesn’t value/respect your job.”
“Why are you having to vacuum every day?”
“Normally, that is a once-a-week chore unless you have a pet that sheds like mad or he is tracking dirt all over the house.”
“If he wants rooms deep-cleaned, tell him he is welcome to do so.” ~ No-Assignment5538
“NTA. My wife doesn’t expect me to keep our place spotless, and I also work from home.”
“All she asks of me is that I keep up after myself and keep to her word about keeping after her stuff whenever she is home, and then we split the chores according to what makes sense on the weekends/days off (e.g., she does all the cooking, I do all the dishes).”
“It’s completely unfair to put everything on one person.” ~ Unusual_Adagio_8316
“NTA. Sounds like an expectation on his part, that he wanted a sex maid, but instead got an equally busy human.”
“Set your boundaries because it won’t get better.” ~ Creamy_Breve
“Nah, you’re not the AH.”
“Just because you work from home doesn’t mean you’re automatically in charge of the house.”
“You’ve been sick and still doing the basics, that’s more than fair.”
“It sounds like he’s focusing on small things instead of appreciating what you do get done.”
“If you both pay equally, he should be cleaning equally, too.” ~ imsadiestic
“This is a boyfriend?”
“Girl. Tread carefully with this one.”
‘If he’s expecting you to be the housekeeper while working from home as well as keeping a spotless house when you are sick, do NOT husband this guy up.”
“Any man who doesn’t do his fair share of the cleaning AND care about his partner and her wellbeing isn’t worth the time or energy.” ~ uncreativeshay
“NTA, but you really can’t do better than this guy?”
“I mean, if your end goal is to get married and maybe start a family someday, I think you are wasting your time.”
“Do you really want this for the rest of your life?”
“I think he will only get worse if you get married because clearly he is under the impression that housekeeping is your job and only your job, and I don’t think it would be any different if you did have to go into an office because the problem is his mindset.” ~ espressothenwine
“NTA, where does your BF get off thinking he can talk to you like that, especially when you’re sick?”
“If this is the 1st time he’s treated you like a maid/trad wife, whatever, you need to set him straight.”
“If he has done this before, you need to figure out why he thinks he’s above you, even when you pay half.”
“Why does he have the expectation of a cleaned house just because you are home?”
“What does he do?”
“You are equals as far as I can see.”
“Are you supposed to do more because he can have ‘long days?'” ~ Whatchamacallit72
“This is when you say, if you think you can do better, knock yourself out.”
“Then go back to reading a book or napping and ignore him. NTA.” ~ Fluffy_Job7367
“NTA. I would understand his point of view if you were leaving a mess wherever you went, but it’s like you said, you do the basics.”
“Sometimes, clutter has to wait, especially if you’re working from home, because work is the main priority.”
“Also, trying to get chores done while being sick can be challenging.”
“I try to set aside time to do a bit of laundry and dishes when I’m sick, but I usually don’t have the energy to vacuum.”
“Your body needs rest in order to heal!” ~ CringeOlympics
“NTA, I don’t think it’s fair for him to question what you’ve been doing all day when you’ve been doing chores and weren’t feeling well.”
“It’s prob best to have an open conversation about this so you can resolve the issue in a peaceful and amicable way.” ~ Heisenburg7
“NTA. You both pay 50% of the bills, and you both work full-time.”
“He can’t expect you to do 100% of the cleaning.”
“It is his house too, so he is just as responsible as you for keeping it tidy.”
“I don’t agree with the comments that say he clearly doesn’t respect you or doesn’t care about you.”
“He might not be aware of the full extent of your work.”
“Perhaps he thinks you have more spare time than you do.”
“That would still not excuse the behavior, but it might be an explanation.” ~ Felix_Fickelgruber
“NTA. I’m sorry, but my wife works from home, does all the cleaning, most of the cooking, and I never come home and ask why there’s a bit of clutter somewhere.”
“If it bothers me, I pick it up.”
“That’s what adults do.” ~ srgonzo75
Reddit is with you, OP.
It’s time for your BF to chip in on the chores.
Also, where is his compassion for you being ill?
You have every right to be mad.
Don’t be afraid to take up for yourself.
Good Luck.