It’s no secret that weddings are incredibly expensive events, even when the happy couple is trying to keep the event small.
It only stands to reason that the couple would try to cut costs where possible, but not at the expense of their guests, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Inevitable-Lie2404 was happy for their former coworker friend, who was getting married, and was happy to pull some strings for her to host part of the festivities at a fancy hotel.
But when the bride didn’t even intend to invite them, the Original Poster (OP) realized how much the bride valued their relationship, despite asking a substantial favor.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for expecting to be invited to the wedding?”
The OP was recently asked a big favor for someone else’s wedding day.
“I had a friend from a previous job get engaged and asked me for a favor.”
“I left that previous job to work at an upscale hotel as a general manager. She asked me to get her and her bridesmaids discounted hotel rooms. I was able to swing about 10 suites for a very decent price compared to what they would normally sell for. I got them for about $100 per night when they usually go for $500 or more.”
“Now she and I weren’t as close since I left the previous job we both worked at, but we would text frequently, just couldn’t see each other due to conflicting work schedules.”
“The timeline was honestly pretty rushed, and she was engaged and was soon to get married less than two months later. The whole thing was expedited since her fiancé was in the military and soon to be on deployment. The way she said it is she couldn’t accompany him unless they were married.”
But then the OP realized something surprising about the wedding.
“She and I are talking, and I had asked what the theme was for the wedding so I knew what to wear.”
“She awkwardly said I wasn’t invited. I was surprised I wasn’t invited out of at least courtesy for doing her a favor with the wedding block.”
“She said she just couldn’t afford to include anyone else.”
“It wasn’t a small venue either. Her invite list alone, not including the grooms, was over one hundred, varying from close family, friends, and very distant relatives.”
“If this was a small ceremony with just close family and friends, I wouldn’t have been as hurt. We haven’t been as close as we used to so I wouldn’t have disagreed. The matter of hand though is when it comes to inviting a hundred people, that I wasn’t even considered on the list seems disrespectful.”
The OP shared their thoughts with the bride.
“I let her know I didn’t understand since it was such a large, lavish event how she couldn’t squeeze one more person.”
“She said it was impossible and they were at the top of their budget.”
“I said if that was the case, then they would need to find other accommodations for their wedding as I was giving them an extremely discounted rate due to our friendship.”
“Now the bridesmaids are calling me the asshole for canceling their rooms.”
The OP also heard some other gossip.
“After the blowout, I heard from one of my old coworkers that was invited to the wedding that before everything went sideways, the bride was bragging about how much money she was saving with my discount and how it can be put into more expensive decorating, flowers, etc.”
“So not inviting me because of budgeting seemed like a poor excuse after the fact.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was the AH for potentially ruining someone’s wedding.
“YTA.”
“You gave them a price and pulled a very petty move. So what if you weren’t invited? It’s not like you own the hotel and the discount was coming out of your pocket.”
“Anyone who has been married knows how tough managing the guest list is and how expensive it is. It’s not just “invite 1 more person”. It’s invite this person I know from work, but then my fiance needs to invite a couple more people because they’ll feel left out.”
“Why anyone would want to go to a wedding is quite beyond me.” – RandomizedNameSystem
“YTA and maybe she is too… you agreed to provide the favor. Usually, favors are not quid pro quo. I would have chalked up the non-invitation as a clue of how much she values your friendship at worst or just super over budget and had to have a hard cut-off list at best.” – Southern-Interest-347
“YTA. You did someone a favor. When you do that it should be without the expectation of compensation. You are not close friends or family and have no reason to expect an invitation.”
“It would certainly be courteous of her to thank you in some way, like perhaps taking you out for a nice lunch but she’s under no obligation to invite you to her wedding. Also, why would you even want to go? Who goes to weddings of non-close friends/family for fun?”
“Canceling the booking out of revenge/vindictiveness was petty, cruel, and uncalled for. YTA.” – Logical-Dig-3842
“YTA.”
“She didn’t ask for you to set aside a block with any strings attached. She reached out to you b/c you WORK AT A HOTEL. This is not a wild favor to ask someone you are acquainted with, and is super presumptuous on your part to think anything beyond WHAT SHE ASKED.”
“Is your boss aware you canceled a wedding block? WOOOOO. You didn’t give them that rate, either. You don’t own the hotel.” – Away-Refuse8492
“Wow, just wow.”
“You admitted you aren’t close. Just because she asked for a favor doesn’t mean she OWES you anything. You could have declined or explained at the very beginning that you were only doing this for the invite.”
“So, instead of being understanding, you screwed everyone over.”
“You should have told the bride that your favors come with strings attached.”
“HUGE YTA.” – TheOldSchGlmer
“YTA.”
“Not for hoping or even assuming you’d be invited, but for directly asking what to wear to a wedding you hadn’t been invited to and then pushing the issue once she told you you weren’t. Then punishing her by withdrawing the rooms for excluding you? That’s pretty juvenile and mean-spirited, honestly.”
“Yes, she sounds annoying and like a user to some extent (though arguably people get this kind of help through their social connections all the time). She doesn’t look great here. But your actions really suck.” – elizajaneredux
But others thought the bride was incredibly inconsiderate to withhold an invitation.
“She is definitely TA.”
“As for you, I don’t think YTA, but also, just let go.”
“I wasn’t invited to a close friend’s wedding, and I congratulated them because I was happy for them. A couple of months later, I brought it up and let her know it was not the best feeling to not get an invite. Excuses followed, but I cut contact.”
“You should move on and not do her any favors or even keep in touch anymore.”
“Sometimes, we learn lessons the hard way.” – findingmyself_2
“NTA.”
“Random people don’t get to use your work benefits for a discount. Friends and family, sure. She made sure you knew you weren’t top 100 friends, so why help her out.” – Change_contract
“NTA. This made me laugh. Whereas I think it is incredibly rude to inquire as to an invite, the bride had a huge nerve to ask that big of a favor with zero to offer in return. Karma. The bride was rude and got some rude back. You got some balls, girl.” – SophiaIsabella4
“NTA! She used you and used you good!! I know how low you probably were able to drop those rooms. Expedited my a**!! She was hoping to skate right up to the wedding date with very little communication with you as that’s how it seems to have been progressing.”
“She really must think you’re a dumba** to try and use the excuse of being over budget when YOUR the one who just saved her a HUGE chunk of change on the motel budget!! Yeah, some friend!” – Equivalent-Fan6784
“NTA. She can’t have it both ways, if you’re important enough to ask for a big favor like that, then you’re important enough to warrant an invite. The nerve of that woman.” – hibernativenaptosis
“NTA. Play stupid games, and win stupid prizes.”
“No one should be asking someone that isn’t even invited to the wedding for such a huge favor. She could have used her own discount at the hotel she works at, but instead, she asked you because you had moved up to a much fancier place. Even asking you for the favor was an implied invitation, and you should have been invited at that point whether or not you were able to get the discount she wanted.”
“The people that are calling you out are laughable. They’re acting like being invited to the wedding is some huge benefit to you. It’s not. You don’t get anything for going to a wedding; in fact, the only benefit of doing such a big favor is usually that the bride considers that your present instead of expecting you to buy something as well.”
“But not inviting you was a slap in the face. Pointing out that you’re not even in her top hundred people (and the groom’s side likely has as many people, so the wedding is already over 200) is rude as h**l. I know the price point those suites were likely at, and you saved her thousands to get discounts on 10 suites with very little notice.”
“She showed you that you aren’t a friend, just a contact she thought she could use and then ignore. I’d suggest breaking contact with her, and the next time someone asks you for a ‘favor,’ make sure you know exactly what the situation is and whether or not you’re invited to the event before you answer.” – VixenNoire
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“The wedding still continued on as planned.”
“From what I heard, she ended up having the bridesmaids fundraise their own money for the hotel rooms. A couple of them shared rooms, which was not the original plan. It was at a neighboring competitive hotel so I heard word of mouth from the managers over there.”
“A couple of months later she moved in with her husband, and we had no reason to reconnect. We both moved on. Sorry for no happy ending on this one.”
Everyone was in agreement that the bride had used the OP for the more affordable lodging, but they were divided over how the OP had handled their side of the situation.
On the one hand, they had already agreed to the discount and could have followed through. On the other hand, this made it clear how the bride felt about their relationship, and the OP was simply responding in kind.