When someone works long hours, for long stretches at a time, the days off that follow are a cherished dream.
Yes, there will always be things to do and take care of during downtime, but if you work hard you should be able to relax a bit.
This can be an issue with family and house obligations.
Not all partners understand because they may feel like they pick up too much slack.
And finding the right balance and solution can take a while.
Case in point…
Redditor Maleficent-Credit202 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my husband that if he pays me my hourly rate I will do more housework?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am a Steamfitter.”
“But I’ve been at it for a while and I’m in supervision.”
“With bonuses and incentives but not counting benefits, I earn over $100 an hour.”
“I also work out of town.”
“I started doing that once the kids were old enough to take care of themselves with their dad at home.”
‘So when my youngest was in middle school and the oldest was a junior in high school.”
“It is great.”
“Our retirement savings are piling up and we have been able to splurge on the kids. And ourselves.”
“My husband is upset however because I decided to pay for a cleaning lady.”
“He and I discussed it and we agreed that he and the kids didn’t do a great job keeping the house clean and tidy while I was away.”
“I hated coming home to a mess.”
“It caused a few fights because it was like they expected me to come home and clean up after them.”
“Having her is fantastic.”
“I come home to a clean house and I am happier.”
“My kids have more time to study and do extracurriculars.”
“They still have chores and they are still expected to clean up after themselves.”
“My husband came to me last time I was home and said we should cut back on the service when I’m home.”
“That I should be doing more housework.”
“He thinks that we are wasting money.”
“I said that I work 14 days in a row and that those are 13-hour days.”
“Yes it is mostly paperwork but his job as a teacher isn’t much more physically challenging.”
“I said that I could offer him two options.”
“If he wanted we could completely get rid of the service and he and the kids could make sure the house was in good shape when I got home.”
“Or he could pay me my hourly rate to do extra housework when I am on my days off.”
“He is upset with me and says that I’m being financially manipulative.”
“I think if he and the kids actually did what they are supposed to do when I’m away none of this would be an issue.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“So, you can afford it, everything gets done, everybody has free time, nobody has to do sh*t they don’t want to do, there aren’t any fights over it – I mean, there’s really no downside and everybody wins.”
“His getting upset because you said if the maid goes he’ll have to do his fair share is very telling.”
“You’re not home to make the messes, but you’re supposed to work THAT much, and come clean up after him just because he wants to ‘save money’ while getting to sit on HIS a**?”
“People like your husband always reinforce my decision to stay single. NTA.”
“Edit: Oh Lord, people are getting really carried away in the comments.”
“Not surprised ’cause Reddit, but come on now.”
“We don’t know the husband at all and only have to judge going by the contents of this post.”
“It’s entirely possible the husband really does want to save money because he’s cheap, but he’s just a self-absorbed, lazy, thoughtless dunce wanting to do so at OP’s expense.”
‘What’s that saying? ‘Never attribute malice that which can be explained by stupidity’ or something like that?”
“Doesn’t make sense, but some people just lack the logic chip.”
“Still TA but this doesn’t automatically mean he’s an evil woman hater on a power trip that can’t stand his wife so watching her suffer and serve gets his peepee hard.”
“Some of you drama llamas need to get a grip, stop projecting your prejudices and bad experiences onto everybody else, and go touch some grass.” ~ AThingUnderUrBed
“Agreed, this is definitely about control more than it is about cutting costs.”
“If OP is at home fulfilling a traditional gender role instead of her job the family finances would suffer more than if they continued to pay a cleaner.”
“OP, NTA but your husband is a sexist one at that.” ~ raccoon_in_the_sun
“This is about him needing to have power over OP.”
“He feels that she should be his servant so he wants HER to be the one to clean up the mess he deliberately makes while she is away, not just pay for someone else to do the job.”
“He sounds like one of those guys who will start cheating on his high-paying spouse to get revenge for her success.”
“I’d be very careful in this relationship if I were OP.”
“They need to go to therapy but I’d be very careful with that too or he might manage to turn it around on OP.” ~ GraceOfTheNorth
“I don’t see how her hiring a cleaner is any different than if she wanted to spend the money on a spa day.”
“And if I’m working 13 hours a day, I would definitely pay someone to rub my feet! OP, NTA!”
“I’m a little bothered that middle school and high school students aren’t capable of cleaning things to a passable level.”
“I get that they might half-ass it to not have to do it, but someday those kids will be roommates and spouses, and no one is making sure they have cleaning skills?” ~ Witty_Commentator
“Husband just can’t stand the idea that he can’t control OP’s time and can’t force OP to be a ‘real wife’ and watch her clean the floor on her knees.”
“And she is making more so he feels double offended.”
“An AH of husband to be honest.”
“Instead of being happy for a clean house and a fulfilled wife – he prefers to force her to be a cleaner. Disgusting type.” ~ Polish_girl44
“HE wants the cleaner when she’s away, not when she’s there.”
“If the husband is so into saving money… why didn’t he just clean in the first place?”
“His failure to keep the house clean while his wife was gone was the reason the maid was hired at all.”
“Why is he accusing his wife of being manipulative when she says that he’ll have to help?”
“He clearly isn’t all that cheap.” ~ EmotionalCompote3324
“She’s happy. Kids are happy. She can afford it.”
“She contributes to retirement as it seems.”
“Kids still do regular chores but can enjoy extracurriculars, too. Sounds perfect!”
“He should shut it and be happy or clean his share.”
“He seems salty that she can ‘buy herself free’ of the cleaning chores instead of rejoicing that everyone saves time instead of cleaning, or maybe he feels insecure and wants to put her down.”
“On the other hand, some people are so stingy/cheap that they can’t stand seeing someone else’s money being spent (and in this case, it’s even an expense for the whole household that everyone benefits from).”
“That’s the kind of mindset that makes you a bad partner and eventually might get you cut off/left, and too late will he realize what he spoiled for himself.” ~ Fettnaepfchen
“Misogynist at BEST.”
“There’s also something to be said about men who try to put down their wives by reinforcing outdated gender roles even if they themself aren’t able to fulfill them.”
“tell him you’ll do the housework when he becomes the bReAdWinNeR.”
“ETA: OP you’re NTA but you’re husband definitely is a gigantic AH.” ~ Forward_Substance_30
“You know that he would be crying into his beer at the pub if the positions were reversed and He was the one being asked to do more housework when he had paid for a cleaner so the time they spent together was Quality time instead of cleaning !!”
“Oh yeah, NTA.” ~ comfortablynumb15
“I’m sorry; you both work demanding jobs—yours sometimes requiring you to travel—but you should be taking care of the housework? Why?”
“Because you’re the wife? It’s 2024.”
“You’re both adults.”
“You co-manage the household.”
“If he wants the place cleaner, he can either help clean or help pay for a cleaner.”
“Pretending his wife is a maidservant is not an option. NTA.” ~ aemondstareye
“Why would it be your responsibility to clean the house when you are home while it is not his responsibility to clean the house when you are away?”
“Does he believe that cleaning is gender-related and that is what he is teaching his children and his students?”
“I would have a lot of questions on this one. NTA.” ~ Canadian987
“NTA. Your husband, however? Wooooboy! He’s a piece of work.”
“You work 14 days in a row, 13-hour days and he thinks it’s your job to deep clean the house when you get back into town? Nope.”
“He doesn’t want to do it.”
“He doesn’t want to pay someone else to do it.”
“He wants you to do it.”
“He wants you – the primary breadwinner who is gone 14 days in a row working 13-hour days to come home and clean the house because he doesn’t want to pay someone else to do it despite EASILY being able to afford to.”
“No. This is about him wanting to control you.”
“This is all about control and manipulation.”
“You have given him two solutions acceptable to you to solve the problem and he refuses.”
“He just wants you to bend to his will.”
“This is purely about control.” ~ lovetotravelanytime
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
If he wants to save the money, he’ll have to step up.
Hopefully, this is a manageable situation heading into the future.