Relationships are difficult to maintain, and sometimes you need a personal hobby—something your significant other isn’t involved in.
Or maybe you have something you do that just never seemed like a good fit to share with your spouse.
But 31-year-old Redditor fanfictionwife had to ask the Relationships subreddit for advice after her 33-year-old husband found out about her hobby.
“My husband says writing fanfiction is cheating”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m so embarrassed. My husband of six years found fanfiction that I write. Its erotic as all get out, downright smugly even.”
“I calmly explained that I started writing it when I was a preteen, not erotic then of course, but its always been a habit. I guess I just enjoy being able to have a creative outlet without having to make characters or worry about worldbuilding.”
“It’s fun for me, and I get a lot of positive comments about my writing.”
However OP’s husband wasn’t offering kudos.
“He is not having it. He says its like me being unfaithful if I’m writing about sexual things with men that aren’t him.”
“I feel really confused because its not like I’m making them be with me. It may be original characters occassionally, but I certainly am not going to be running off with a video game character any time soon.”
“I told him I even used to get paid by people to write fanfiction and bought myself a nice new coat with the money years ago.”
“Now I feel like I can’t do something I enjoy anymore, or that I have to do it in secret which feels wrong. I feel like a pervert and a weirdo, even though everything I’ve ever written has been consensual stuff between adult characters.”
“We are both huge gamers so I didn’t even think this would be an issue.”
People needed more of an explanation.
“Is he controlling much? This is ridiculous.” – facinationstreet
“Not at all!”
Redditors had plenty to say on the issue.
“That’s just wildly insecure thinking you’re gonna run off with Link or Waluigi.” ~ rmric0
“I would understand a bit if he’s upset that you’re essentially writing porn for others to get off to but his actual reasoning seems weird to me. But, he’s allowed to feel that way.”
“May be time to break up if writing this is important to you. It would be cheating in his eyes if you continued to do it behind his back.”
“Everyone has their own boundaries. Everyone has their own dealbreakers.”
“Even if you or I or other people here don’t understand his line of thinking, you need to understand that this is the way he feels and then you figure out what to do with this information.” – wistfulpuellamagi
The OP responded again.
“You know, I don’t really know anyone who actually gets off to written smut. Most I know just enjoy reading it and think it’s sexy but I don’t really know anyone who even gets real sexual gratification from it.”
“I definitely don’t see divorce, that’s a bit extreme to me.”
Reddit was not happy with OP’s husband’s response.
“Writing fanfic isn’t cheating, your husband seems INSANELY insecure holy s***.” – autumn_chicken
“That’s entirely absurd. Are you not supposed to fantasize or daydream or masturbate or watch porn? Husband doesn’t own your sexuality. He sounds pretty insecure.” – Razgrrl
“There isn’t a universe in which this is cheating. I guess the people who read this genre are also cheaters in his delusional mind?”
“Do what you enjoy. Do not let him dictate to you on this” – JustMaintenance7
“So if you write murder mysteries, he thinks you’re a murderer? Dump this idiot. He’s either stupid or controlling or both.” – suzannesmith435
The post moved beyond Reddit and to the wider internet.
From the headline I thought he meant "cheating" as in like "plagiarism", ie lack of originality in her writing…
— Carrie Dunn (@carriesparkle) August 14, 2020
Me too! I was gonna recommend she start writing about her own characters, Dink and Baluigi.
— General Welfare Promoter (@glhaynes) August 14, 2020
I am alarmed at the number of retweets going out on this.
— BD (@briskide) August 14, 2020
I’d suggest writing a fanfic where you dump him and run off with Link. I’d read it!
— ✨ Ulli ✨ (@ullistudy) August 14, 2020
The chances this dude watches porn and thinks that it’s not the same thing are easily 10000000000%
— Iván, Far Left Teenager (@CarnageAsada08) August 14, 2020
Relationships can be difficult, especially when one side is being unreasonable. Unfortunately, we do not know how this story ends.
The post has since been deleted and OP hasn’t answered any more questions.
The internet seems to be in agreement about the husband needing a more open mind about OP’s hobby, but will he listen?