Any aspiring parent grows up with a dream of what they might one day name their children.
Of course, when their dream of becoming a parent finally comes true, they might find themselves having to compromise on the name.
As there is every possibility that their spouse or co-parent might not love the name they’ve been harboring practically all their life.
Redditor a_bn356 and his wife thought they came up with a pretty foolproof agreement on how they would name their children.
But when the original poster (OP)’s wife became pregnant with twins, the OP deeply regretted making the agreement.
As a result, things became so heated between the OP and his wife, that she even threatened to deliver the babies out of town, away from the OP.
Reflecting on his behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for giving my wife an ultimatum about baby names?”
The OP explained how his wife’s choice in baby name ended up putting their marriage in relative jeopardy.
“Before my wife and I got married, we made an agreement that she would get to name our first boy, and I would get to name our first girl.”
“We recently discovered that she was pregnant with twins, and after talking about it, we decided to stick to our original plan.”
“I thought everything would be fine, but ever since I heard the name she chose, we’ve been having problems.”
“The name is bad.”
“It sounds really stupid, and it’s absolutely the kind of name that will get our son bullied.”
“I immediately vetoed it, but my wife said I can’t because that wasn’t our agreement.”
“I asked why she insisted on this particular name.”
“Apparently it comes from a character she identified with in one of her favorite books when she was growing up.”
“But emotional attachment doesn’t make the name itself any better.”
“I said fine, then I may as well name our daughter Hortensia Beerbong the Third.”
“It sounds just as dumb.”
“She told me I couldn’t do that, and I just said why not?”
“It’s my choice.”
“That was the agreement.”
“We’ve been at an impasse ever since.”
“Now, obviously, I’m not actually going to name my daughter that, and I’m pretty sure my wife knows that too.”
“I was just trying to help her see the mistake she was making, but she’s not listening to reason.”
“Recently, she’s started hinting she might just take off around her due date and give birth somewhere without me and my naming input.”
“I think that’s uncalled for, but I’ve got a week long business trip that I can’t get out of about a month before she’s due, and I’m worried she’ll take the opportunity to disappear until after the twins are here.”
“I’ve told my brother to keep an eye on her while I’m gone, but it’s not like he can watch her 24/7.”
“I think her name choice is dumb and will cause problems for our son, and she thinks I’m being controlling and overdramatic.”
“Neither of us are willing to back down, but with her hints about skipping town for the birth, I’ve been wondering if things have gone too far.”
The OP would later clarify in a comment that his wife wanted to name their son Neville.
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Neither the OP nor his wife came off looking particularly good to the Reddit community, who largely agreed that Everyone Sucked in this situation.
Everyone agreed that both the OP and his wife were being pretty immature and that this spat suggested that there might be bigger issues in their marriage than the OP is letting on, with many others surprised that the OP had such a strong reaction to the name Neville, which they did not find to be nearly as outrageous as he claimed.
“How old are you both?”
“11 and 12?”
“Because that’s the vibe I’m getting.”
“Who makes a deal like this?”
“I hope Megatron Jacob Edward and Hortensia Beerbong the Third have a good support network outside of the both of you that can actually handle the responsibility of raising a child.”-KingOfTheRavenTower
“I think you and your wife have more issues than just naming the children.”
“For her to threaten to take off and have the birth without you, and name the children to spite you, and then you escalating by asking your brother to watch her, is NOT a good indicator for the health of your marriage.”
“For many couples, naming their children a two yeses is a win. A single no cancels that choice.”
“You both should agree on the names.”- Aggravating-Pain9249
“This is always a dumb mistake.”
“One no 2 two yes is the only way to name a child.”- pudge-thefish
“You can’t respect her choice in names?”
“She might take off over a name dispute?”
“Your poor children they’re gonna have little kids for parents!”- Ill_Reddit_Alone
“Who agrees to have zero input into the name of their child?”
“Do what everyone else in the world does when picking names.”
“Put a list together of names you love, she does the same, and figure it out together.”-SnooBunnies7461
“OK, knowing the name choice is ‘Neville’, I think you’re worse here, though this is still firmly an ESH situation.”
“‘Neville’ is a pretty bad name from a character named and characterized as a bit of a joke.”
“But it’s nowhere near ‘Hortensia beerbong the 3rd'”, or even near the realm of ‘you obviously named your kid after a fictional character’.”
“In any sane relationship, you’d be able to say, ‘hey I don’t like that name at all’ and be done with it, but you made a stupid pact, and now both of you are acting very stupid about following through with it instead of like a team.”
“You’re worse here because you’re escalating it more, but neither of you is responding well here.”- Milskidasith
“This was a dumb agreement to come to as it is virtually guaranteed to lead to some sort of disagreement.”
“Now there are threats and ultimatums and I question where this relationship is headed if she’s willing to take off and have the twins by herself and name both.”- C_Majuscula
“Neville isn’t a bad name, even though it is heavily assosiated with the Harry Potter franchise.”
“But where you both f**ked up is with this agreement who gets to pick a name, as it led to where you are now.”- FalconJaeger
‘You’re agreement was silly as hell.”
“No one should have a baby-name blank check.”
“I have a ‘friend’ that named his kid Tain (or Tane).”
“‘Dude, he’s going to get called Taint once he hits middle/high school’.”
“Guess who became a bullied, High School dropout that doesn’t speak to his parents.”
“Anyway, good luck with the twins!”- KronkLaSworda
“You’re worried your wife will leave and take your unborn children with her.”
‘And you’re worried about their freaking names?!???!?”
“You’ve much bigger problems.”- TiniestMoonDD
“I am a father of 2, and I know how the naming process is important.”
“In my opinion, this deal makes no sense.”
“Both of you should just abandon this deal.”
“You are both adults. This deal is not a contract. This is not a thing you should abide by if it doesn’t bring anything positive.”
“The way we did it, me and my wife is simple: ‘Let’s choose a name that we both like’.”
“We both suggested names, we both rejected some until we found a name we both liked.”
“There are thousands of names. You both just have to be reasonable and find something that will fit you both.”- rifain
“So you guys aren’t even mature enough to deal with naming babies, but you think you’re ready to have them?”
“First of all, it was a stupid agreement to begin with.”
“No one should have unilateral control over naming a child without veto power from the other partner.”
“Secondly, if your relationship is so bad that your wife is threatening to take off and cut you out of your children’s birth, naming issues are the last thing you should worry about.”
‘You two need counseling.”
“Also, it’s a total AH move on your part to take a trip a month before your wife is due with twins.”
“Twins almost never go full term.”
“For as much as you worry about missing the birth, you’re the one making it likely that will happen.”
“It’s also an AH move to name a child something that will get them bullied.”
“Hopefully, you can untangle this mess before you bring kids into it.”- NorthernLitUp
It seems as if the OP made this agreement with his wife on how they would name their children on the assumption that both of them would only pick names they both liked.
Something that both of them should have known was never likely to happen.
Hopefully, they’ll be able to reset and figure things out before the arrival of their twins, who will ideally be given names that make everyone happy.