No two people share the same basic standards of hygiene.
There are those who vigilantly shower every morning, always have hand sanitizer at the ready, only use fresh towels, and always sleep in freshly washed sheets.
Others, however, don’t find showering every day, or cleaning sheets and towels.
Differing habits and standards aside, everyone tends to be aware of the most basic standards of cleanliness, and those who don’t adhere to those standards are extremely easy to identify.
Bed time had become something of a contentious issue for Redditor Haunted_pines and her husband.
Mainly owing to the fact that the original poster (OP)’s side of the bed always seemed to carry a less than welcome odor.
While the OP’s husband was confused as to the source of this issue, the OP felt the answer to this problem was very clear.
Wondering if it would be wrong to share this information to her husband, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA if I told my husband he is bathing wrong?”
The OP explained what she believed was the source of the unwanted aroma of the mattress she shared with her husband, and why she was hesitant to share this information with him:
“I (31 F[emale]) and my husband (31 M[ale]) have been together a total of 2 years but known each other for about 20 years.”
“He has been complaining that his side of the bed smells and his towel smells.”
“I am very diligent on changing the sheets every 2 weeks if not every month and wash towels diligently as well.”
“He doesn’t use any loofa or wash cloth to bath just his hands with a bar of soap.”
“I have been told that could be why when he sweats he doesn’t smell great.”
“I’m trying to figure out how to say it nicely without being mean, because I know it could hurt his self esteem.”
“Would I be the a-hole if I gave him a loofa or something and say it’s because you don’t use this kind of stuff is why you stink?”
“Or am I wrong all together?”
“With people saying change sheets more frequently.”
“I try, I have a disability that makes doing that a little difficult so I need help and I tend to ‘nag’ when I need to do it.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not the OP would be the a**hole for telling her husband that his hygiene was the cause of their smelly mattress, they also all tended to agree that she might not truly know the source of the problem.
Most agreed that the OP was correct in that the issue needed to be addressed, but also felt that the OP might have had a slightly skewed perspective, as showering without a loofa should not result in such a problematic body odor.
“YWNBTA for suggesting a potential solution.”
“Maybe take him to the store and help him pick out a body wash he likes the smell of.”
“Sidenote… my partner started shaving his pits, and that helps a lot with getting rid of the sweat smell.”
“Does he sweat a lot at night?”
“He may need fewer blankets.”- Timely_Raspberry_243
“Monthly is not very frequent for washing bedding.”
“When I(f) was single I washed mine 2 weekly, but once my male partner was around regularly I changed it to weekly because he definitely sweats more onto the sheets than I do, even though he showers twice most days, his bedding just couldn’t go a month without being gross.”
“But that shouldn’t necessarily be your burden, perhaps you could invite him to wash the bedding and towels whenever he feels that their freshness is sub-optimal?”
“Unless you notice that he’s stinky in and of himself, it sounds more like a laundry problem than a body washing one.”
“NAH.”- SpaTowner
“NTA, if he’s openly complaining, assume it’s asking for help.”
“Bring it up ‘you complained about this’.”
“‘I did some reading’.”
“‘Here’s a possible solution’.”
“‘No man worth his salt is going to complain about someone trying to help him solve a problem he’s complained about’.”- DrBurnerAcct
“NTA.”
“But you might also want to suggest he get a checkup.”
“Sometimes metabolic things show up in smell or excessive sweat, and there’s no loofah etc that will handle that.”- nancypalooza
“NTA.”
“Ask him if he washes his a**.”
“If he says, ‘the water trickles down’ then he is not washing his a**.”
“This is an incredibly common problem among straight men.”
“I’ve been informed this transcends white men and applies to all straight men.”
“Be warned.”- jp11e3
“Hibiclens is an amazing antibacterial soap that knocks down that stink.”
“Pour it on a washcloth to scrub your body down for best results.”
“You can use it on a regular basis several times a week if needed.”
“Always do a patch test for sensitivity.”
“NTA.”- Disastrous-Soup-5413
“Many people wash with soap and their hands.”
“Dead skin doesn’t inherently stink, it just builds up.”
“There is most likely an underlying issue, and that is something you can gently mention.”
“YWNBTA, because it’s coming from a place of honest concern.”
“But I think the source lies outside of the show.”- lilac_nightfall
Others, however, had a bit of a harder time sympathizing with the OP, feeling that she was ignoring what could have been a much more serious problem:
“YWBTAH.”
“There is a real problem.”
“You assume it is because he bathes wrong.”
“It almost certainly isn’t that.”
“Washing with soap and hand should be fine.”
“He should see a doctor.”- houseonpost
“A loofah (which I use) is actually going to do less cleaning.”
“Because it hangs wet for awhile.”
“I don’t know why you think lathering soap on your hands wouldn’t get someone clean.”
“You don’t wash your hands with a loofah.”
“YWBTA because your reasoning makes no sense, just seems to be telling him he’s wrong for the sake of telling him he’s wrong.”
“Take turns doing the sheets/wash.”
“People are honing in on this…but do you both have full-time jobs?”
“Or are you responsible for the home while he works full time?”
“He can change his towel more frequently.”- Usrname52
“YWBTA if you didn’t investigate other possibilities first.”
“Check the washing machine, some front loaders get mold in the doors.”
“Check the linens themselves when they come out of the wash, they might be holding on to odors.”
“Can you smell what he smells?”
“It also might be in his head or a lingering effect if he’s had Covid.”
“You can get clean with just your hands and soap if you’re diligent about it–it’s not what I prefer, but it can be done.”- OkSecretary1231
“YTA.”
“That’s not the issue.”
“Your bed stinks because you’re not washing it often enough.”- Waybackheartmom
“YTA.”
“I mean you’re not an a**hole, but you’re telling him he’s washing wrong when he’s not.”
“You can clean absolutely fine without a washcloth as long as you’re using soap and giving yourself a good scrub.”
“Sheets smelling after 4 weeks is to be expected, I would say.”
“Particularly if he showers in the morning and not the evening.”
“Two weeks would be the maximum for changing sheets.”
“All that said, towels should only smell bad because they are not drying properly.”
“When you use a towel, you are freshly cleaned.”
“If they’re smelling of body odor and not just damp, then that does suggest some kind of issue with how he cleans himself.”- JMM85JMM
“YTA.”
“I mean, you’re not an a**hole, but you’re telling him he’s washing wrong when he’s not.”
“You can clean absolutely fine without a washcloth as long as you’re using soap and giving yourself a good scrub.”
“Sheets smelling after 4 weeks is to be expected, I would say.”
“Particularly if he showers in the morning and not the evening.”
“Two weeks would be the maximum for changing sheets.”
“All that said, towels should only smell badly because they are not drying properly.”
“When you use a towel, you are freshly cleaned.”
“If they’re smelling of body odor and not just damp, then that does suggest some kind of issue with how he cleans himself.”- JMM85JMM
“He’s not bathing wrong.”
“He’s bathing differently from you.”
“SMH when people think there is only one way to do something and their way is the ‘right’ way.”
“YTA.”- Lurkerque
“It won’t make a difference whether rubbing is done by hand or with a cloth.”
“YTA.”- rich-tma
It can’t be pleasant for either the OP or her husband to sleep in an intolerably smelly bed.
However, as many have rightly pointed out, this seems like a much bigger problem than a loofa can solve.
The OP is certainly correct that she needs to address this issue with her husband.
But this also seems like an issue her husband might want to address with a doctor.