Children of divorce are bound to react to their parents’ getting remarried with a wide array of emotions.
Some don’t take the news well at all, as it is the final nail in the coffin, precluding any chance that their parents will one day get back together.
Others find it cause for celebration, as they have come to accept that their parents weren’t meant to be a couple and have hope that they’ll find happiness with their new spouses.
Ultimately, of course, their reaction depends on the person their parent is marrying.
Redditor Legitimate_Honey_537 was not particularly fond of her father’s fiancée.
Not helping matters, the fiancée of the original poster (OP)’s father seemed to be equally unfond of the OP.
Things came to a head at a recent dinner, however, when the OP made it abundantly clear to her. father’s fiancée that their relationship will never go beyond what it is now.
Worried that she may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my dad’s fiancée I’m not her family?”
The OP explained how an onion-heavy meal ended up causing a further rift between the OP and her father’s fiancée
“2 nights ago, I (15 F[emale]) was eating dinner with my dad (40 M[ale]) and his fiancée (41F) when we got into an argument.”
“My dad and his fiancée have been together for a year so I didn’t really know her well before she moved in.”
“My father also never told me she would be moving in.”
“Me and his fiancee dislike each other, she was raised Christian and expects me to go to church with them even though I’m not religious.”
“This isn’t really a problem anymore because I told my mother I didn’t want to go but his fiancee still likes to make snarky comments about religion like saying I can’t celebrate Christmas if I’m not Christian.”
“So, I’ve been on the edge with her.”
“I really hate onions, my father and his fiancée know this but they still decided to put a ton of onion in the dinner so I had to pick onions out of my food.”
“I was complaining about them making something with a ton of onion when they know I hate onions.”
“The fiancée started talking about how in her family whenever someone didn’t like something for dinner they would have to make a different meal for themselves.”
“I got really pissed off and told her that I wasn’t her family so that didn’t apply to me and she started saying that when she and my dad got married she would be my stepmom.”
“I told her that didn’t make her my family and then she started talking about if she and my dad ever had a child (which they won’t because he already has a teenager and she’s over 40) that I would be her family.”
“I told her I wouldn’t be interacting with that child, and then she stopped talking.”
“I was doing homework so that’s why I couldn’t help out with dinner.”
“It’s usually all three of us, but I was busy, so it was just them.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community largely agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for telling her father’s fiancée that she wasn’t family.
While some felt that the OP’s behavior was a bit immature, they otherwise agreed that their father’s fiancée was the adult in this situation and should have been the one to behave maturely.
Many found her deliberate choice to cook an onion-heavy meal was a telling indicator of the kind of person she was, and many wondered why her father was being so passive:
“NTA but PLEASE tell your dad’s fiancée that Christmas is actually a pagan tradition that the Christian stole and co-opted in order to convert pagans to Christianity!”- perpetuallyxhausted
“NTA.”
“She’s an adult arguing with a teenager, she’s already the loser just for that alone.”- Deep-Okra1461
“NTA.”
“It sounds like very needs to step back and talk to your mother.”- nin_miawj
“NTA.”
“I live in the deep South, and I know her kind very well.”
“Best way to get under her skin?”
“Find some excellent, well-tailored Bible verses pointing out her hypocrisy and quietly quote them at her without any further response.”
“Make flashcards if you have to. If she kicks back at you, say you thought she wanted you to learn more about Christianity and the Bible.”
“You’ve just been ‘doing your own research’.”
“I’m sure that phrase will hit home pretty hard for her, too.”- RamonaRabbit
“Ooh.”
“That woman really wants you out of the house, doesn’t she?”
“‘How in her family whenever someone didn’t like something for dinner they would have to make a different meal for themselves’.”
“Sounds like a good idea to me.”
“Start teaching yourself how to cook food just like you like it.”
“This woman is asserting her place in the ‘new household’- cooking food for herself & your dad, expecting everyone to go to church like her, thinking about playing happy families with a baby (it’s possible).”
“Your dad wants to marry & live with her.”
“You can’t ‘win’ here.”
“If I were you, I’d quietly (keep your mouth zipped and be polite to the woman), start planning and working towards your independent adulthood.”
“Keep focused on school, look towards further education, learn to cook, learn to do your own laundry, get a job for a few hours a week and start saving some money, learn to drive when you are able.’
“NTA.”
“But be careful that you don’t become one.”- Kementarii
“NTA.”
“How much longer do you HAVE to spend time with your dad?”- FyvLeisure
“NTA.”
“I’m going to say what I’m trying to work with my kids (all girls) on – approach things with her by first asking, is this worth my emotional energy?”
“For example, when she makes a comment about how things worked in her family, you can argue or get mad, or you can simply decide it’s not actually important.”
“A ‘huh, that’s interesting’ deflates the barb.”
“It’s almost a mindset shift from feeling like you need to counter her comments to deciding when/what you feel is worth your personal energy.”
“And there are absolutely times where standing up for yourself, your values, etc is the right move.”
“But if she’s just jabbing at things, it’s okay to internally decide you don’t care to engage.”
“It doesn’t mean she ‘wins’ or whatever.”
“Just that her words are not worth expending the breath to counter.”- Kekegymn
“I’m a Muslim, and we celebrate Christmas!”
“Which is originally a pagan holiday, btw!”
“NTA.”- Sansa-88
“NTA.”
“She’s shacking up with your dad and then wants to make snarky comments about other people’s religion?”
“That’s rich.”
“But just be ready for her to pile the onions in everything now.”
“Just start making yourself a PBJ or something.”- Mrs_Weaver
“NTA OP.”
“I feel that way about my own stepmom my dad married much later in life.”
“Do you mostly live with your bio mom?”
“I say regardless keep things polite and minimal with this fiancee, and then once you are a legal adult work and be independent enough that you can cut this fiancee out and go LC with your dad.”- Sodium_Junkie624
“So your Dad’s separated, not divorced or gotten an annullment by the church, then they are committing adultery which is an even bigger sin.”
“Tell her you’ll go to church so that you can tell her priest all the details.”
“NTA.”- Better-Turnover2783
“NTA.”
“It’s obvious the two of you don’t get along, please get a job and start saving money, cuz I have a feeling this woman will not want you around when you turn 18.”- its_just_ace
“NTA.”
“BUT you’re focused on the wrong person here.”
“It’s your dad’s responsibility to protect YOU.”
“Your dad helped cook the meal with the onions.”
“Your dad moved a woman into the house without even talking to you about it.”
“I know it’s scary & uncomfortable to get upset with dad.”
“Children programmed to love their parents even when parents perpetrators of horrific abuse.”
“I’d encourage you to get some therapy to process all the changes in your life.”
“I’d also encourage you to think about current situation.”
“If you spend more time at Dad’s house, is his child support obligation lower?”
“You agreed to spend more time with your dad.”
“Now, some strange woman disparaging you & your choices.”
“I’m sorry your dad is letting you down.”
“A lot of us did not get the parents we deserved.”- rationalboundaries
Children do need to learn to eat foods they don’t like and be appreciative of when someone cooks for them, even if they cooked something they don’t particularly like.
However, the OP is still a child and has her whole life to learn this.
Her father’s fiancée is a 40-year-old woman who should know better than to behave like she did.