In no situation is it ever okay to tamper with someone's food or drink. Whether it's adding extra spice for flavor, sneaking in extra vegetables, or adding a supplement that might improve their health, none of those well-intentioned things are okay without the person's consent.
And of course, consent or not, harmful substances are absolutely off the table, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor SubstantialDurian271 was shocked and scared when he walked in on his wife preparing his coffee, adding a mysterious substance to his drink that he did not recognize.
But when she refused to tell him what it was beyond an 'herbal mixture,' and he started to have a reaction to it, the Original Poster (OP) was scared for his life and made his wife leave their home.
He asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for asking my wife to stay at her mom's after I caught her putting something odd in my coffee?"
The OP thought that he had a kind and caring wife.
"I’m (46 Male) really shaken and need advice to know if I went too far."
"My wife (49 Female) and I have been married for four years and together for seven. She’s always been so kind, always making my morning coffee, and we’ve had a good life together."
"For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling off after drinking my coffee. Dizzy, nauseous, and sometimes my hands shake. I thought maybe it’s work stress or something I ate."
Then the OP walked in on his wife in the kitchen.
"But two days ago, I came home early and saw my wife in the kitchen, dropping some kind of powder into my coffee mug from a small, unmarked vial."
"It wasn’t sugar or creamer. It looked strange, like medicine or worse."
"When she saw me, she slipped the vial into her pocket and said it was 'just a new coffee mix.'"
"But her voice was shaky, and she wouldn’t look at me."
"That evening, I asked her calmly to tell me what it was. She said it was a 'natural supplement' to help me 'feel better,' but she couldn’t say what it was or why there was no label."
The OP needed space from his wife.
"I got scared. Those symptoms I’ve been having aren’t normal, and she’s never hidden things before."
"I told her I needed space to think and asked her to stay at her mom’s for a few days."
"She got upset, started crying, and said I was overreacting and breaking her trust."
"She left last night, and now she’s texting me, saying it was nothing harmful, and I’m making a big deal out of it."
"I kept the vial after talking to her about it, but I’m too nervous to test it. I love her, she’s my everything, and I’m scared she might be putting something bad in my coffee."
"Was I wrong for asking her to leave? I can’t sleep, and I keep checking the locks on the door, feeling paranoid in my own home. Please tell me if I’m wrong here."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some were certain that the OP's wife was either trying to poison him or medicate him in some way without him knowing.
"Bro is a life insurance claim waiting to happen. Seriously, get that s**t to a lab, and never again take anything handled by her until you have the results." - HeartOSass
"I wonder if it was some sort of sexual enhancement herbal supplement that she didn't want you to know about. Those cause issues with raising your blood pressure, which would cause the symptoms you're mentioning."
"Whatever it is, she is in the wrong, and that is a very weird and, in my opinion, extreme type of abuse. She needs extensive therapy." - pbremo
"Either she wants to spice it up and is hoping for some more 'energy' for the man downstairs, or he's got a sweet life insurance policy, and she was hoping to cash out." - PurpleCheeto696
"I am NOT defending her AT ALL, because what she did is f**ked up, but the fact that she admitted it and claimed it wasn't harmful made me lean more towards the sexual motivation. It's hard to tell your partner if they're lacking in the bedroom, and I could totally see somebody doing something like that without realizing how f**ked up and dangerous it is because they saw it in, like, a Cosmopolitan mag or a TV show or something." - pbremo
"Question for OP: Are you overweight? There is this supplement being sold online with the catchphrase, 'Just try this simple coffee trick.' It seems to be a supplement powder, which they don’t define, but it seems to be a lot of ginkgo biloba and other 'energizing' substances to 'stimulate the adrenal glands.'"
"That would totally give someone the shakes. Maybe she was trying to get you to lose weight and then didn't want to tell you what she gave you so you couldn't say she was fat-shaming you." - Caret-Tops146
Whatever her motivation might be, others urged the OP to seek out medical attention, get the vial tested, and get the police involved.
"Umm... You need to call the police. That is all." - Decent_Wallaby4432
"If it were not harmful, then she could tell you what it is. She’s not telling you because it’s something she should not be putting in your coffee. And you can’t wait another day."
"What if you’re not here tomorrow? This kind of s**t happens all the time. A spouse poisoning their spouse."
"You need to go to the emergency room and have your blood drawn, and you need to figure out what this s**t is. The emergency room can draw your blood and call the police." - Nycgalstuckinmaine
"Please get the vial tested. It's better knowing what's actually going on than stressing yourself out worse with what COULD be going on." - brookiecookie4205
"First, see a doctor and tell them the story. If they don’t do bloodwork and urine tests, seek another doctor."
"Over the phone, ask her for the container and the receipt or the online order information. Check to see if what she had in a vial is the same."
"Send in your vial to be tested and contact the police. You might need to split the contents of the vial for testing and the police."
"Take her off your life insurance first, get separate bank accounts, get your finances in order, and file for divorce. She’s dangerous. You don’t put anything without permission into someone’s drink. She should have asked."
"She also should have shown you what bottle it’s from if she had nothing to hide." - Upstairs_Artist_9260
"If, or more likely, when it turns out to be something dangerous to your health, you MUST file police charges against her for poisoning or even attempted murder, depending on the substance. If it's a dangerous poison of some sort, it could be seen as attempted murder."
"It may sound crazy, and you'd never think she would do something like that, but people do things like this for several reasons."
"But its important you press charges because 1) she could have killed you, and the very least she has made you very ill, could have caused lasting problems like liver or kidney damage etc. 2) if it's a drug like cocaine or something illegal, you could have been stopped by the police and charged with driving under the influence, which could cost you your license and job plus criminal charges."
"3) She could end up doing this to the next guy she's with, so by having a paper trail on record, if she does it again, it will show a repeat pattern. 4) She needs to suffer the consequences of her actions, otherwise she could do it again to you or someone else, thinking she'll get away with it again."
"But seriously, get the police to test it, and you need a full blood workup at the hospital immediately, as well as other tests to check for any issues it could have caused you."
"Then, when it comes back as something dangerous, you need to file for a protection order or restraining order immediately. That will stop her from being allowed to come back to your home, even if she's on the deed; a restraining order will prohibit her from coming back."
"You can then pack up her things, and either get her parents to collect them, or arrange for a moving van to collect them and drop them off at her parents'. It will also prevent her from being able to call or text you, and if she does, it will be a violation of the restraining order, which you can report, and she'll incur further charges, like harassment and breaching the order."
"Then you speak to a lawyer and file for divorce. To be honest, I'd be doing that now regardless. It's clear that she had bad intentions and knew that what she was putting in your coffee was bad and dangerous, and she tried hiding it from you."
"Even if it was a natural, healthy supplement, she has no right to put something 'medicinal' in your coffee without your consent. But it's clearly something bad, the fact that it's in an unlabelled bottle, and she tried to hide it from you, etc."
"You'll never be safe living with her again, and the trust is destroyed. So start divorce proceedings and tell her any further communications need to go through your lawyer." - Poppypie77
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update, feeling validated.
"Thank you all for your response; you guys really helped me clear my head."
"I was hesitant, but I called 9-1-1, and they said they’ll look into it. I’m feeling worse each day, dizzy, weak, and my stomach’s still off, so I’m heading to the hospital today to get checked out."
"My wife keeps texting, begging to come back and saying it was just a 'herbal energy boost' she found online, but she still can’t explain why she hid it."
"I told her to stay at her mom’s until I know more. I’m scared and exhausted, but I’ll keep you all updated when I get answers."
"Thanks for making me feel like I’m not going crazy."
Later, the OP shared a second update, following up on his health.
"Hey everyone, I’m at the hospital; sorry for not keeping y’all updated. I’m not really feeling very well right now."
"Thanks so much for all your comments and support. The doctors ran some tests and said there’s something off in my bloodwork, but they don’t know exactly what yet. They’re sending samples to a lab, and it’ll take a couple of days to get results."
"They told me to stay here for observation because of my symptoms of dizziness, nausea, and shaking. So it’s getting worse very quickly."
"I gave the vial to the police when they stopped by earlier, and they’re testing it. They didn’t say much, but their serious faces freaked me out."
"My wife keeps calling and texting, sobbing, saying she’s so sorry, and it was just some 'herbal remedy' from a friend to 'help me.'"
"But she’s still dodging my questions about why she hid it, and it’s making my head spin."
"I told her we can’t talk until I’m out of here and know what’s going on."
"She’s at her mom’s, but her texts are so frantic, it’s breaking my heart. I love her, but I don’t think I can ever trust her again."
"I’m stuck in this hospital bed, and I feel so alone."
The subReddit understood that the OP was married and might want to give his wife the benefit of the doubt, but the truth of the matter is, partners are supposed to stick together in sickness and in health, not creating the sickness that they'll need to pull through.
Even if the wife meant well, her secrecy and lack of consent were reasons for alarm and more than likely divorce.
