We all have certain things we like done a certain way.
Even so, when we notice that others don’t follow our exact specifications, we should politely accept it and move on.
Unfortunately, not everyone is so understanding and simply can’t tolerate if certain things aren’t done their way.
Particularly when it comes to food.
Redditor No_Reputation1738 enjoyed beginning his and his girlfriend’s day with a happy custom and a kind gesture.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s girlfriend (GF) didn’t always show appreciation towards his ongoing gesture.
In fact, she eventually became downright resentful of what the OP was doing, prompting the OP to stop completely. After being labeled “lazy and unaccommodating by his GF, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my girlfriend I wouldn’t make her coffee anymore unless she stops micromanaging me?”
The OP explained why morning coffee with his GF went from being the highlight of his day to the bane of his existence:
“So, for context, I (24 M[ale]) and my girlfriend (23 F[emale]) have been together for about two years, living together for roughly six months.”
“Normally, we have a good routine: I wake up first, make coffee, and she wakes up to a nice hot cup.”
“Recently, though, she started getting really particular about how she wants it done.”
“She insists on using this super specific method: measure the grounds to the exact gram, pre-warm the mug in the microwave for 30 seconds, add the milk at a certain temperature, and on and on.”
“At first, I tried to oblige because hey, if she loves coffee that much, I want to make it nice for her.”
“But it got to a point where every time I handed her a cup, she’d grill me: ‘Did you weigh the grounds first?’”
“’Did you warm the mug?’”
“’Is this whole milk or 2%?’”
“If anything was off, even by a tiny bit, she’d sigh and say it wasn’t as good as ‘the right way’.”
“One morning, she literally took the mug from me, dumped it down the sink, and started the process herself—while ranting that I never do it the right way.”
“I got frustrated and told her, ‘If you’re going to be this picky, just make your own coffee’.”
“‘I’m done making something only to be told how it’s ‘wrong’ every time’.”
“She got upset and said I was overreacting, that she just wants her coffee a certain way, and that I should respect her preferences.”
“I argued that I was respecting her preference—I just didn’t appreciate the constant criticism or micromanaging.”
“She accused me of being lazy and unaccommodating.”
“Now, I’m feeling guilty because I do want her to enjoy her morning coffee, but I’m also tired of feeling like I’m a barista under constant scrutiny.”
“AITA for telling her she can just handle it herself until she stops micromanaging me? Or should I just suck it up and follow her super detailed instructions?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to make his girlfriend any more coffee.
Everyone agreed that if anyone was being “lazy and unaccommodating”, it was the OP’s GF and agreed that if she was so particular about her coffee, then she should make it herself:
“NTA.”
“I like my tea in VERY specific ways.”
“If someone drops a Lipton’s bag in a cup and pours microwaved water over it, I say thank you and drink my terrible tea.”
“Then I go make fancy sh*t for myself.”
“That’s the only acceptable way to deal with someone making you a morning drink.”
“You thank them, drink it, and then make a cup your preferred way.”-mvms
“NTA.”
“If I ask my boyfriend to do something for me, I accept that it is a favor, and I can’t be picky.”
“Like ‘babe, will you PLEASE help me clean out my car?'”
“‘It’d be really nice and a huge help. ‘”
“But when he does, I don’t go white glove it and complain that he didn’t wipe out the cup holders.”
“He was being kind and helpful.”
“But he’s not my servant.”
“You can’t expect others to do nice things for you if you’re nasty about your expectations for how they’re done.”
“It’s that simple.”
“She sounds like a piece of work.”
“Weaponized incompetence only applies when someone is trying to get out of required work.”
“Like household chores.”
“Chores HAVE to get done.”
“So faking being incapable would make OP the AH.”
“But that’s not what’s happening here.”
“Making coffee or cleaning out a car is an act of love.”
“It’s meant to be a kind gesture that is not required.”
“And this woman is throwing it in OP’s face (or in this case down the drain).”
“She’s a major AH for that.”
“OP tried his best, and she’s being awful.”
“He owes her nothing.”
“Nobody is owed acts of service/love.”
“But when someone is nasty about it, then it’s perfectly within reason for OP to say he’s no longer going to do it.”- anonymous9242163
“So my husband is a little bit like your girlfriend.”
“He has the super nice grinder, and he weighs his espresso grounds to the gram, and he measures the exact pressure and writes notes in his coffee journal and blah blah blah.”
“Guess what?”
“Sometimes he totally nails it and makes a perfect cup.”
“And sometimes, it doesn’t turn out quite perfect, in spite of his best efforts.”
“What I’m saying is, if your girlfriend was making her own coffee, following her own exact steps, sometimes she wouldn’t be 100% happy with how it turned out.”
“But I’ll bet she wouldn’t blame herself.”
“You, on the other hand?”
“She assumes you’re just not trying.”
“She can make her own coffee.”
“You are NTA.”- __The_Kraken__
“NTA.”
“Holy cow! Making her coffee is a nice thing you are doing, not your job.”
“Tell her ‘I’ll never be able to make it as well as you do and I hate seeing you disappointed, so as the expert, you should make it’.”- Separate_Security472
“Nope.”
“NTA.”
“If someone else is making my coffee for me I say thank you and I like it.”
“Period.”
“I went through a couple of years grinding beans daily and measuring and all that and I got over it.”
“Now I use a Keurig, and I like it.”
“I don’t love it, but I love a nice hot cup of coffee without fuss.”
“My sister makes the best coffee ever, I love it.”
“But it’s labor intensive, one cup at a time, and you only get one.”
“I want 2, sometimes 3.”
“If she wants her coffee a certain way she can make it.”
“Especially since you’ve tried!”
“She’s a jerk, at least about this.”- Capable-Limit5249
“NTA.”
“If you were following general preferences—type of coffee, temp, how big her mug is, etc—and leaving her to add milk/sugar, even THAT would be fine.”
“Making her coffee following a slightly more specific preference, like ‘a hefty pour of milk and two spoons of sugar’ is fine, too.”
“What you’ve described would make her among the most-dreaded customers at any coffee shop in the country.”
“I’d never make a cup for her again!”- goblynn
“It’s not about the coffee!”
“Six months living together, now the mask is starting to slip, and you are finding out who she really is.”
“You have included an important detail she thinks you should ‘respect her preferences’.”
“That’s going to expand to everything in your life.”
“Time to read the fine print on your lease, How quickly can you move out?”
“Start saving your money; don’t overextend your finances trying to make her happy.”
“No matter what you do or how hard you try, someone who expects you to weigh the coffee to the gram will NEVER be pleased with what you do.”
“NTA… fly, be free, leave!”- ArreniaQ
“NTA.”
“You’re not operating a Starbucks you’re just trying to be thoughtful and make your partner a cup of coffee.”
“Rather than be thankful of your efforts she’s shitting all over it.”
“So, it’s real simple either she enjoys what you make her or she can just make it herself.”
“After I watched her pour it down the drain after I went through the effort of ‘her order’ that would probably be the last time I made her a cup.”- No-Exit6560
The OP later returned with a short and succinct update of their relationship:
“We broke up.”
“Thank you to everyone who reached out privately and in the comments.”
The OP’s girlfriend certainly has a right to be particular about her coffee.
But if she is that particular, she should probably take care of it herself and not demand her boyfriend make it for her only to complain that it’s not up to her standards.
A sentiment the OP clearly also felt about their relationship.