Doing favors for friends and family members can be challenging. Naturally, we want to help out our family as best we can and usually jump at the chance to help them, no questions asked.
Sometimes, however, we find ourselves doing our best not to roll our eyes when asked to help.
Not only for the interruptions it may cause in our lives but also for the added annoyances that might come with providing help to certain individuals.
Redditor No_Remote9777 found herself becoming more or less her grandmother’s unofficial chauffeur to church.
While the original poster (OP) initially didn’t mind providing this service, she was less thrilled that her grandmother always took it as an opportunity to meddle in her life.
When her grandmother continued to ignore all of the OP’s requests to stop this meddling, she felt the only thing she could do was put an end to her free driving service.
Concerned she may have been too hard on her grandmother, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my family that I’m not taking my grandma to church anymore?”
The OP explained what she told her grandmother she had to find another way to get to church:
“I already do a lot for my family, which consists of my mom(60s, F[emale]), grandma (80s, F), and disabled brother (20s, M).”
“Basically, I told my family I wasn’t going to drive Grandma to church on Sundays anymore.”
“Reason being is because Grandma tries to use it as a matchmaking service for me.”
“I really don’t like the guys she tries to set me up with.”
“I told her to stop it and that I wasn’t going to take her if she keeps trying to set me up with her friends’ relatives.”
“Problem is that Grandma insists I stay with her, and I just want a day off to myself.”
“After last week, I told Grandma I had enough, and that was the last time I took her.”
“She and my mom are upset because she doesn’t have another way to get to church.”
“Mom can’t drive, and we don’t have reliable public transportation.”
“So far, I’ve been holding my ground, but Grandma is upset.”
“Sunday is coming up and she’s sad she won’t get to attend.”
“I told mom she needs to figure something out because I’m sick of being the unpaid chauffeur.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly took the OP’s side and agreed that she was not the a**hole for refusing to drive her grandmother to work anymore.
Everyone agreed that if the OP’s grandmother wouldn’t listen to the OP and stop trying to set her up, then the OP was under no further obligation to drive her to work, with many others pointing out that the church could easily provide a driver for the OP’s grandmother:
“NTA.”
“You told your grandmother she needed to stop trying to set you up at church or you would stop taking her.”
“She didn’t listen.”
“You have every right to stop driving her.”
“You’re not obligated to give her a ride to church.”
“You were doing her a favor.”
“Attending church is something she wants to do, not something she needs to do.”
“You shouldn’t have to give up your Sundays for her.”
“You said she has friends at church.”
“I’d bet some of those friends could give her a ride to and from church.”
“If not, some churches do stream their services online.”- Wild_Ticket1413
“Stand your ground.”
“You explained to your grandma you were uncomfortable, and she didn’t care.”
“Your grandma FA, and now she’s FO.”
“They will try to guilt trip you; don’t fall for it.”
“Grandma can call a friend to take her to church – how about one of those ‘nice boys’ she tried to pair you up with?”
“Let her hang out with them.”
“NTA.”- goldenfingernails
“NTA.”
“You have asked her repeatedly to stop, and she hasn’t.”
“It is also taking up a whole day as she doesn’t want you to leave.”- r3aldud3
“NTA.”
“Your mom can get her license or pay for an Uber if she cares so much.”
“Or Grandma can watch a service online, or learn to shut her mouth.”- CF_FI_Fly
“Someone can call the church and ask for assistance with a ride for your grandmother.”
“NTA.”- Hot-Freedom-5886
“NTA.”
“This is EXACTLY what a boundary is.”
“If you do X, I will do Y.”
“Good job.”- tinyahjumma
“NTA.”
“She would be able to attend if she could follow even the most basic boundary that you have set for her.”- ButItSaysOnline
“NTA.”
“It’s common for churches to arrange rides for their elderly or non-driving congregants, Ask the church for help.”
“Grandma will still be upset because it won’t be on her schedule and she will be inconvenienced, but she will get to go to church.”- No_Philosopher_1870
“You warned Grandma.”
‘She insists you stay despite you not wanting to be there.”
“She tries to set you up.”
“You told her to stop.”
“Grandma earned her consequences.”
“‘She and my mom are upset because she doesn’t have another way to get to church. Mom can’t drive, and we don’t have reliable public transportation.”
“AND?”
“Your mom better hope all your good will doesn’t run out.”
“NTA.”- slendermanismydad
“NTA.”
“Churches usually provide transportation for seniors.”- Madmattylock
“NTA.”
“She shouldn’t be making you uncomfrotable all the time, and caregiving is hard.”
“Grandma needs to call the church office, and they need to ask for volunteers to drive her.”- EnvironmentalGroup15
“NTA.”
“You have a right to your boundaries, especially when you are doing favors.”
“Surely the church can work out a ride for her!”- SensitiveDrink5721
“NTA.”
“You told her to stop.”
“She didn’t.”
“Lesson learned.”
“If she wants to get a ride to church, she needs to stop the matchmaking.”
“Otherwise, she needs to see if other ride options are available.”- ChicagoWhiteSox35
“NTA.”
“Your grandmother’s pastor can arrange transport.”
“They do it all the time.”
“Have your mom call and explain that the only driver in the family cannot continue, she doesn’t drive, their partitioner is unable.”
“That’s all it takes.”
“Some churches have vans.”
“Some will arrange someone who lives nearby to pick her up and drop her off.”
“Among other options.”
“I took in my nephew at 17, his churches youth pastor would pick him up and drop him off, on event nights, the church van would, or a parishioner I knew, who lived nearby would.”
“Always someone I personally knew, they worked with Me to make sure everyone was comfortable with the arrangement.”
“We have a ton of churches in my area and they all have systems for this a parishioners who utilize it.”
“Several ladies in my complex use elder services through the county. an aid takes them to the store, or even church.”
“Public transport or private transport (like taxis, Uber, busses, charity ride share).”
“She has options.”
“More than listed here.”
“She may not love them, like them, nothing is perfect, but you won’t be able to help forever, and you, for your own reasons (perfectly valid) have decided the time is now.”- YoshiandAims
“NTA.”
‘She can call her church and see if any of their other parishioners are willing to drive her.”
“There’s also Lyft or Uber.”
“It’s not like there are no options.”- rojita369
“NTA.”
“Either call the church and ask if there is a committee that helps elderly parishioners get to services, or you could offer to still DRIVE her there, but just drop her off and go get coffee and read a book until it is time to pick her up.”- CreativeMusic5121
“Family members setting you up AGAINST YOUR WILL is not OK.”
“If you gave warning, and she ignored you you’re NTA.”- BMal_Suj
“NTA.”
“Your Grandma’s church should be stepping up to the plate here.”
“You’re already overloaded and she’s making things worse with her matchmaking antics.”
“And I say that, by the way, as someone who does go to church every Sunday.”
“You can’t fill an empty cup, and Sunday should be a day of REST.”
“Stand your ground here.”- Radiant-Ruin-8687
“NTA.”
“Grandma FAFO.”
“Unless you hold to this, her behavior isn’t going to change.”
“It might not change anyway, but at least she knows there will be consequences.”- booboo773
“NTA.”
“My dad used to take my mom to church, park in the parking lot, and take a nap for an hour.”
“It was a win-win for both of them.”- Melodic-Yak7196
“NTA.”
“You set a reasonable boundary, explained the consequences, and she made her choice.”
“It’s not like you’re denying her food or human contact or some essential thing; it’s just a recreational/social event.”
“I’d guess there are probably several other churchgoers who would be happy to give her a lift if asked, and I’m sure the church she goes to and most other churches have seen a bunch of situations like this in the past.”
“I’m pretty sure that people happily giving old ladies a ride to church is a super common thing.”
“Christians usually love old people and getting more people to go to church, so it’s probably a pretty easy ask.”- daylight1943
Some people truly don’t enjoy being set up, be it by their grandmother or anyone at all.
So, if the OP told her grandmother that she was not comfortable with being set up, her grandmother should have listened.
Otherwise, she likely wouldn’t be scrambling to find a ride to church right now…