Bringing a child into this world is one of the greatest joys anyone can experience.
That being said, the process of bringing a child into the world is anything but peaches and cream.
For one thing, childbirth is one of the most painful experiences anyone can endure.
But even the nine months of pregnancy are no picnic for most people.
Not helping matters is that every woman’s body reacts to pregnancy differently.
A recent Redditor was expecting her first child.
Much to the original poster (OP)’s surprise, her pregnancy brought a somewhat unexpected side-effect with it.
A side effect that made doing certain activities with her husband something of a challenge.
Making things even more challenging was how the OP’s husband responded to this, resulting in a rather harsh exchange of words.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling my husband an idiot because he keeps saying that I’m allowing my pregnancy rhinitis to ruin everything?”
The OP explained why they found themselves resorting to name-calling with their husband:
‘I (25 F[emale]) am pregnant and I have pregnancy rhinitis.”
“It feels like I have a permanent head cold.”
“Yesterday, my husband (27 M[ale]) wanted to hang out with me.”
“He tried to get me to play video games.”
“I played but I wasn’t very enthusiastic.”
“He tried to talk to me but I was so congested.”
“He got frustrated with me and he repeated that I’m allowing my pregnancy rhinitis to ruin everything.”
“I called him an idiot and I told him he can only criticize my attitude when he goes through pregnancy.”
“He called me a big jerk.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for calling her husband an idiot.
Everyone agreed that if the OP didn’t necessarily need to call her husband an idiot, he was also being extremely thoughtless and ignorant, not at all taking into consideration what the OP’s body was going through. Many were concerned that he would be more of a challenge to the OP than her newborn baby.
“NTA.”
“If your husband can’t even cope with this, he’s going to lose his mind when a colicky baby is ‘ruining everything’.”- gringledoom
“You are NTA.”
“I didn’t have to deal with rhinitis, but I spent most of my first pregnancy barfing.”
“The second, I just wanted to sleep.”
“My husband did not say I was ‘ruining things’ even if we had to leave places because I was too nauseated to stay.”
“If your symptoms are really bad, discuss them with your OBGYN.”- thechaoticstorm
“NTA.”
“But prepare yourself.”
“You’re about to become a mother of two.”- bobtheorangecat
“NTA.”
“My second child sat funny and gave me an unrelenting cough for the final 6-8 weeks of my pregnancy.”
“I tore a muscle in my back from coughing.”
“You bet I wasn’t in the mood to be chipper all the time.”
“I am certain that my coughing must have been unpleasant for my spouse.”
“But he never made me feel like I was doing anything wrong.”- Extreme-Pirate1903
“NTA.”
“Your husband sounds mean, and based on this, I’m not exactly confident in how he’ll be as a paren,t considering kids get sick literally all the time.”- Ocean_Spice
“NTA.”
“You are literally creating a whole new person!”
“Your husband needs a reality check and to grow some compassion.”
“He does know that babies are also a downer sometimes, right?”- ToughMaterial2962
“NTA.”
“Being pregnant is no picnic.”
“I suffered debilitating morning sickness for the entire pregnancy, both times.”
“I was criticized that I was making too much of this, and women for centuries managed to carry on their normal lives while being pregnant, why can’t I.’
“I looked at my husband and promptly puked on his shoes.”
“You are not the ahole, your husband needs to check himself and possibly read up on what it’s actually like to carry a human to term and all the things the mother can not do when she’s sick because it might harm the baby.”
‘Having a head cold or allergies can be absolutely horrible while pregnant.”
“Allergies, especially because they, unlike a cold, can go on for months.”
“You take care of you, and if your husband doesn’t understand, then he doesn’t understand.’
“Do have him in the delivery room for an eye-opening experience.”- No-Giraffe49
“NTA.’
“But you’re married to one.”- wishingforarainyday
“NTA, your husband is f*cking childish.”
“Pregnancy changes things, and your symptoms are not something you choose.”
“Omg.”
“What an a**hole.”- lyeesia
“NTA.”
“But technically, this is your second kid.”
‘Your husband is your first child.”- ThatsItImOverThis
“You’re ‘ruining everything’?”
“Does he even know how hard a pregnancy is?”
“NTA, your husband is.”- I-cant-hug-every-cat
“Surprise, pregnancy changes things!”
“Just wait until the kid is here, he’s in for a real treat.”
“Of course you’re NTA.”
“I second the suggestion he read A Guy’s Guide to Pregnancy.”- mamachonk
“NTA.”
“I hope your next husband is both smarter and more kind.”
“He’d almost have to be.”- Zestyclose-Custard-2
“NTA.”
“Tell your husband to grow up and have some compassion; he needs to learn that pregnancy is not sunshine and rainbows.”- Particular-Ad-6663
“NTA.”
“He’s thinking ‘oh it’s a cold, whatever’ but you’re dealing with all the crap that comes along with pregnancy on top of feeling sick all the time and you can’t take a DayQuil for relief.”
“I didn’t have rhinitis, but I had pregnancy gingivitis and ate tums like it was my job.”-neverthelessidissent
“NTA.”
“Having a permanent cold for months sounds absolutely dreadful.”
“You’re not being dramatic at all.”- binglybleep
“NTA.”
“And you’re sick beyond a head cold.”
“That’s not the same as saying ‘I’m pregnant, feel bad for me’.”- Mandiezie1
“NTA.”
“When an argument resorts to name-calling, though, it’s time to take a step back for a bit & come back to the conversation later.”
“This is something you’ll need to work out because taking care of the baby while it’s inside is much easier than when it’s out.”
“Your entire world shifts massively.”
“Feeling enthusiasm for your usual activities and way of life BB (before baby) will change significantly AB (after birth) and as a couple you’ll need to develop a new normal.”
“My kids’ father never did understand that or wasn’t willing to grow as a person.”
“He stayed very self-centered and selfish.”
“His relationship with his kids now?”
“Not very deep or solid.”- Longjumping-Code7908
“NTA.”
“Man I don’t miss the rhinitis.”
“You can use Afrin when you’re really desperate, but for no longer than 3 days in a row.”
“Good news – mine went away very soon after birth.”- 3DoxieBoys
“NTA.”
“I used a nasal spray I got from my doctor that was safe for pregnancy that shut off mucus production.”
“It was great.”
“But didn’t alleviate everything, and I was still sick constantly.”
“I got covid around 5-6 months pregnant.”- Charming_Garbage_161
“NTA.’
“Having suffered the same, you have my greatest sympathies; it’s horrid.”
“Your husband is completely the ah here, he’s so selfish and not trying to see your perspective.”
“This is taking over your entire life, it’s hard to pretend everything is fine when you are miserable.”-International-Fee255
“NTA.”
“Who wants to play video games when they’re sick?”
“Your husband sounds childish and self-centred.”
“You’re making a human being, he should be making your life easier, not harder.”- honestbutnotad*ck
“NTA.”
“When your second baby arrives in your life, I wish you all the luck in the world.”- Jadeisland
“NTA.”
“I didn’t even know pregnancy rhinitis is a thing good lord.”
“I have so much respect for people who go through pregnancy.”
“I hope your rhinitis and husband get better.”- Jelly-fishes09
“NTA.”
“I also had horrid pregnancy rhinitis.”
“Meds won’t help because it’s not actual congestion; your sinuses are irritated and swollen.”
“The only thing that worked for me was those nasal strips.”
“They help open up your sinuses.”- _Counting_Worms_1
“NTA.”
“Maybe if you weren’t pregnant then he could argue not putting enough energy into the relationship but you are pregnant.”
“The Enourmous physiological changes that happen to someone when they are pregnant are tiring and it is understandable that you would be tired even without rhinitis.”
“It’s flat out pregnancy itself.”
“I think you are underestimating the toll that pregnancy is having on you and instead are putting the effects down to rhinitis.”
“Its ok and normal to be tired etc when pregnant.”
“He’s your husband, its his job to care for you.”
“It’s a relationship, you need to support each other.”
“so when you are tired etc, its his job to care, to do work and to make exceptions.”
“It’s not like it’s permanent either, he’s being immature.”
‘If he doesn’t want to support (or understand) you when you need help (and for him to be understanding) the most, then what is the point of being in a relationship with you?”-Royal_Jellyfish1192
No one likes to be called an “idiot”.
And if it is a term that is perhaps never justified, it’s hard to argue that the OP’s husband was, indeed, saying some pretty idiotic things.
If this is his attitude during the OP’s pregnancy, it’s terrifying to even think about how he’ll behave when the baby arrives.