One of the biggest issues about living with roommates is the cleaning schedule.
It's rare that everyone involved pulls their weight.
Home cleaning can cause contention and anger.
That's why people pay extra to hire cleaners.
Cleaners can save the peace.
Redditor Objective-Cherry5048 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"WIBTA if I asked my roommate's G[irl]F[riend] with I[rritable] B[owel] S[yndrome] to pitch in on cleaning the bathroom?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My roommate's girlfriend has basically moved in at this point, which is its own problem, but I'm still working out how to approach them on that because they can both be very defensive."
"One of the issues I've been having is about the bathroom."
"She has some digestive issues and can sometimes take up the bathroom for 20-30 minutes at a time."
"I know this isn't something she can control, but it can be frustrating at times."
"It's not a super sensitive or vulnerable subject."
"My roommate teases her and jokes to me about it."
"It's just awkward for me, who doesn't know her well, and I don't know how she'd feel if I were one to mention it to."
"When cleaning the bathroom, I've noticed the toilet is a lot dirtier now than when it was just the two of us."
"And there's what I can describe as 'splatters,' sometimes around/on the rim, which is really gross to have to clean up after."
"It's only when you lift up the toilet lid to clean it and see inside/underneath, so I don't think she knows, but it's just gross and makes cleaning the bathroom even worse than before."
"I don't know how to broach this subject without sounding weird or gross."
"I don't know if she'd be embarrassed, my roommate does tease her, and she doesn't really care, but I don't know how she'd feel about a third party calling her out for leaving poop marks on the toilet... lol."
"I don't wanna sound entitled or inconsiderate asking her to clean, but at this point she acts like it's her apartment too, so I don't know."
"I was thinking of breaching the topic to my roommate first, but I'm nervous they'd defend her automatically and call me inconsiderate."
"My roommate makes her do her dishes and take out the trash, which is a start, but I hate how she blows up our bathroom every day and has never offered to clean it."
"I just don't wanna be awkward or inconsiderate, or maybe I am in the wrong and should be more understanding of something she can't control and shouldn't say anything to make her feel bad."
The OP was left to wonder:
"WIBTA for asking her or my roommate to clean the toilet more often/instead of me?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"I wouldn't broach the subject with the girlfriend directly."
"Speak with your roommate about it… so that they can reach an agreement with the girlfriend, or they can clean up after her."
"Be concrete about your expectation."
"Something like the toilet needs a basic scrub with a cleaning brush daily, and an under-rim wipe down weekly (or whatever it is that you make things less gross)." ~ tendervittles77
"NTA, but in no way do you ask the GF."
"Your piece is with roomie and stick up for yourself and get some clarity on her moving in." ~ pottersquash
"NTA, but this is your roommate's problem, don't go to the girlfriend."
"You and your roommate need to have a discussion."
"If she has 'essentially moved in' then she needs to contribute to utilities, cleaning, etc., essentially."
"Whether the roommate does it on her behalf or not."
"You didn't sign on for a 3rd person to share your living space and with only one bathroom, and a person who has 'needs'... that's a pretty huge inconvenience for you." ~ LiveKindly01
"NTA. She may or may not know how bad it is, but if she's practically living there, she can certainly pitch in on the chores, regardless of whether she has IBS."
"My suggestion is to go to your roommate and 'strongly suggest' that cleaning the bathroom is now 'his' chore permanently."
"Then, if he wants her to pitch in, they can have that discussion."
"Also, if you have a toilet brush right there 24/7, but you should."
"She might give it a quick scrub after a blowout if she has the tools." ~ 1962Michael
"NTA-I wouldn't even try to be nice about this, honestly."
"Someone leaving splatters of poop all over the toilet and just assuming and expecting someone else to clean it is a level of selfishness that I do not have the patience to deal with kindly."
"Tell her, if she takes a poop, she is responsible for cleaning that, and expecting anyone else to do it is just an a**hole move."
"You aren't being inconsiderate by not cleaning her sh*t; she is being inconsiderate by leaving it there." ~ Impressive_Moment786
"NTA, people with explosive diarrhea know they are causing sh*t stains all over the toilet."
"How mortifying that she doesn't clean after herself." ~ No_Toe_5190
"This should be a very simple conversation, and you are NTA for raising it."
"Sharing a bathroom is never ideal, but you are entitled to a clean, hygienic space."
"Purchase cleaning supplies like a good brush and holder, and bowl disinfectant, costs to be split."
"Talk to them both, she's now your de facto roommate, and tell them (it's not an ask) that she needs to thoroughly clean up after herself each time she uses the toilet."
"In fact, all three of you should be wiping down at least with disinfectant wipes, the toilet and sink."
"Dirty cleaning items to be disposed of properly, that means not tossed in an open trash can in the bathroom, but in a tied-up bag in your daily trash."
"That's how shared common space is supposed to work. "
"To be honest, I don't understand your hesitation." ~ Dunesgirl
"Go out and get a new toilet wand or whatever you like to use to clean it, along with maybe the stamps or another product to help keep it clean between scrubs..."
"If you really, really like your current method, buy fresh supplies to make the point."
"And present them in a completely non-confrontational way while unpacking other groceries or whenever y'all are catching up..."
"Just be like, hey, I got this cool new thing that's supposed to work way better..."
"I've noticed a few times lately it's been pretty icky in there, and that's gross, so maybe these can help?"
"Should we set up a schedule or something?"
"Maybe add it in with other household cleaning products if the..."
"Untidiness is a thing elsewhere."
"Hopefully it could lead to bigger discussions about like...."
"Who really lives there and contributes to the cost, etc..."
"With calm, cool heads.
"Good luck." ~ SeamusMcKraaken
"NTA. If you are all sharing one bathroom, it is her responsibility to clean behind herself EVERY TIME she uses the bathroom."
"Speak to your roommate."
"Evidently, roomie isn't cleaning it either because if they were, they would have already spoken to her."
"No one wants to clean someone else's s**t unless it's for pay!" ~ Moemoe5
"NTA... Next time it happens, walk straight back out of the bathroom and tell your roommate to clean the shit off the toilet rim, say you keep coming across it but were hoping they'd open their eyes and see the mess they leave, but clearly not."
"Then leave it up to them to argue over whose sh*t it is." ~ true_is_the_magic_No
"YWBTA if you go straight to the GF."
"Your roommate is responsible for the people he brings in, so tell him what you've noticed and that you expect him to handle it."
"He can decide whether to clean up after her or ask her to do it." ~ pumpkinbubbles
"NTA. You sound very considerate and patient regarding her lengthy bathroom times, which have got to be inconvenient from time to time, and you deserve consideration in return."
"As someone with IBS who has presumably (?) had to clean her own toilet in the past, she should surely know about splatters."
"All of us who have ever had intestinal upset and who clean our own toilets know the unfortunate physics of diarrhea."
"But, either way, she and/or your roommate need to be cleaning that up."
"I agree with others who suggested talking to your roommate about the need for more frequent cleaning, given the increased bathroom traffic."
"And if that doesn't do the trick, you'll need to talk with the two of them together about pitching in on their part of the toilet cleaning."
"Are the splatters visible when the toilet seat is up?"
"If so, I'd be leaving the toilet seat up at every opportunity, so she and your roommate will get visual reminders."
"Normally, I'd advocate for the courtesy of putting the seat back down, but not in this case."
"Personally, I'd be mortified to ever leave a toilet looking like that and would be checking it and wiping it down after usage." ~ bluespruce5
"NTA. My partner and I both have IBS."
"Thankfully, we have 2 bathrooms; he has his own toilet for poops, but we both also use the main bathroom."
"He's 100% responsible for his toilet cause I never go in there, but I take responsibility for our shared bathroom cause that's the main one I poop in 💩." ~ picklepowerPB
"Sounds like either verb may fit."
"Talk to your roommate before talking to your girlfriend."
"It doesn't sound like she's ever lifted a toilet seat."
"There's no reason you should have to be dealing with this. NTA." ~ _bufflehead
"NTA, but you'd be better off kicking her out."
"Your lease likely doesn't allow for a permanent visitor, so go that route."
"If that doesn't work, move ASAP." ~ _PrincessOats
This is not an easy topic, OP.
It is also your apartment, yours and your roommates.
If she isn't going to clean up after herself, she should at least be paying rent.
IBS is an unfortunate issue to deal with, but people have to be self-aware about it.
Reddit has your back.
Time for a difficult home chat with the roomie.
Good Luck.
