Parenting is no easy task, and often the little tasks are the most thankless.
Redditor Due-Drawing9306 is at odds with her husband about diaper changes. The original division of labor they had previously agreed upon is no longer something her husband wants to do.
The Original Poster (OP) turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for input.
She asked:
“AITA my husband has changed all of the babies diapers”
She went on to explain.
“AITA For asking my husband to change our sons diapers?”
“My husband has changed probably 90% of our son’s diapers for the first 1.5 years.”
“Our son was born during COVID, I had a super traumatic birth, our son almost died during labor, and we were all alone.”
“We both worked from home and our son was very colicky.”
“I was exclusively breastfeeding and was up every night with him, doing all bed time feedings, nails clippings, teeth brushing, he did baths and diapers. It seemed like a fair arrangement.”
“Eventually COVID ended and we got a nanny for Saturdays and our son started daycare he goes from 9-5, my husband started leaving for the day for work.”
“I asked him to change the diapers when he was at home because our son who is in the 100th+ percentile in height and weight was hard to manage for me.”
“I got by on days when I was alone but it was definitely difficult.”
“Even when my mom would visit she would have hard time with the diaper changing and she works at a childcare facility because he was big and unruly.”
“Now our son is 3 and almost fully potty trained, he wears a diaper over night.”
“So we put a diaper on at night and take it off in the morning.”
“And I’m pregnant again with really bad nausea so I’ve asked him to get the baby ready in the mornings as I’m usually choking back the vomit.”
“My husband has decided he will not change any of the future babies diapers…”
“…and has become very resentful saying that it was totally abusive and abnormal for him to change so many diapers through our sons life and that other dads don’t have to change so many diapers.”
“It’s not like I’ve changed zero diapers, I changed diapers any time he wasn’t home. On sick days I am always the one who stays at home with him and cares for him completely.”
“I always felt like our parenting duties were pretty evenly divided until I got pregnant 3 months ago and things have definitely been harder since then.”
“Because it’s hard for me some days to do the things I used to do like make breakfast, get his daycare bag ready, physically pick him up.”
“Am i the a**hole for letting him/ expecting him to change so many diapers?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“I am a dad of a 4 year old and 22-hour old. I’ve done all but 2 diaper changes so far on the new one (nurses did the 2) so my wife can rest as much as she can.”
“I did the same with our now 4 year old. Wife is off work for a year to raise the child, which means EVERYTHING when I’m at work.”
“The least I can do is change every diaper when I’m home. Even if I’m tired after a long day’s work, because my wife’s work right now is 24/7.”
“She lets me sleep through the night so I can be rested for work. I let her rest as much as possible when I’m home.”
“It’s called being a good partner, and it’s critically important to make a good parent.”
“Fathers – don’t be dicks. Do your part.”
“OP – NTA. You’re a powerful woman, and don’t let him forget that.” – Awkward_Ganache23195
“NTA. I do the gestation and extended breastfeeding and my husband has done nearly every diaper change he is home for for all three of our children.”
“It has given him the opportunity to have a strong bond with our kids who received constant hands-on care from him their entire baby and toddler hood.”
“A friend of ours, before our first was born told us not to think of diaper changes as a chore but as an opportunity to bond and interact with your baby and show them they can trust you.”
“Frankly as a person who was breastfeeding I already had a lot of time to do that and was exhausted.”
“But diaper changes give my husband that space for connection and our kids viewed him as the person who could help them in this very important arena.”
“And [they] continued going to him for that and also for all sorts of other things they need because of their trust in him.”
“We had friends who would talk back and forth in front of their baby about whose turn it was and that felt super messed up.”
“We didn’t want to be negotiating our kids care in front of our kids.”
“They aren’t a chore, it’s our job to take care of them and we didn’t want them to feel like we were avoiding their care by overhearing these conversations.”
“Signed, mom of a 9-year-old 6-year-old and 3-year-old”
“Abusive and abnormal is a bit much. The arrangement here was literally suggested to my husband by our midwife so he felt involved and needed.”
“I don’t change diapers, my husband is happy to take that off my plate.”
“Your husband saying he refuses to change any diapers for the new baby, that seems extreme to me.”
“And I’m missing any indication from you that you are insisting he be the sole changer of the new baby.”
“He needs to communicate his needs better and not be taking the word of less involved fathers that he’s being taken advantage of.”
“My husband would never say that, and he’s changed twice as many diapers as your husband has. NTA.” – ConfettiBowl
“The people who vote Y T A are delusional. The amount of time a mother spends breastfeeding their child over a year is equal to a FULL TIME JOB.”
“It takes less than 5 minutes to change a diaper, versus 30-45 minutes each time to breastfeed or pump. The mother is doing SIGNIFICANTLY MORE of the work.”
“Not to mention she’s also doing the other stuff that she talked about, as well as the diapers when he’s not home. AND she’s currently pregnant with their 2nd child.”
“The husband just has to change the diapers when he’s home, it’s not hard.”
“NTA OP, I feel for you.” – shopaholicsanonymous
“I don’t get what the problem is with your husband changing the nappies. Babies are made by both parents and should be cared for by both.”
“IMHO it sounds as though he’s been listening to his misogynistic buddies or isn’t as keen on having a second child as you have been led to believe.”
“You are NTA and if your husband refuses to budge regarding his responsibilities, then he definitely becomes TA.”
“Good luck! I don’t envy you though. It looks like you’re in for a rough ride. Take care.” – IndividualSound5365
“Is your husband not also a parent to the child? Cause parenting is not just changing diapers. There is a lot more that goes into it than that!”
“If all you’ve asked him to do is change a few diapers, he has been getting away scot-free, and needs to remember this is not the 1950s.”
“It’s 2023, and being a father is being an equally responsible parent.” – CaterpillarPure1856
“NTA don’t listen to anyone saying Y T A here.”
“If it’s truly as you said, and you did most of the parenting responsibilities except changing diapers, especially because you are nauseous, then you are not the a**hole.”
“Your husband is a major one for complaining about one of his few responsibilities to his children.”
“I’m going to say this, and some people are going to b*tch at me, but I don’t care.”
“Dads who don’t change diapers aren’t dads.”
“Your husband is in a similar state as I was while my wife was caring for our first and pregnant with our second.”
“Where I felt that because I was working I shouldn’t have to do things when I came home.”
“Your husband is your child’s father, and he needs to come to grips with the fact that there is no such thing as 50/50 division of labor in all aspects.”
“Especially since you and he might not be equally suited to certain tasks, and that will only increase as your kids get older.”
“So what if he changes all the diapers? You did all the breastfeeding. And if he really did zero of the nighttime care and left you to do it, he’s a major, major a**hole.” – Bonkislife
“NTA at all. My guess is most of the Y/T/A are men or folks who’ve never been pregnant, given birth, or exclusively breastfed.”
“My husband participated in all aspects of parenting and relished the time he had with his babies through whatever activities he was doing.”
“Your husband seems to care too much what other people do. I think your problem is bigger than diapers. Maybe some couples counseling?” – Shot-Wrap-9252
“You should put it in your post that your midwife recommended the diaper division (which is a common thing), and your husband agreed to it.”
“If he reduces diaper changes, he’ll have to pick up the slack elsewhere. It sounds like he’s been chatting to a toxic group of men.”
“What he’s doing is not abnormal nor abusive. He’s actively taking part in childcare like a dad should.” – Single-Guava-7489
Parenting is hard work and often not the fun kind.