Kids are always getting into accidents.
They love adventure, which can be dangerous when unsupervised.
So what do parents do when accidents happen, and they don't seem that serious?
Do you run straight to a doctor?
With the price of healthcare these days, people may feel pressured to make different choices.
Is that the right choice, though?
In the old days, people say they would just "shake it all off."
But what about today?
Case in point...
Redditor throw_awayaccount60 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for refusing to take my son to the ER?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (61 M[ale]) recently took two of my sons (9) - (11) on a trip to my sister's house out of state."
"We were gone for a week."
"My wife (43) stayed home with my daughters (16) - (17)."
"3 days before me and my sons headed home, my youngest (let's call him K) got to ride on my brother-in-law's (calling him R) four-wheeler."
"He had his own helmet we brought from home, and we let him explore the 10 acres they had."
"Me and R headed inside to watch TV."
"About 10 minutes later, R mentions he doesn't hear the four-wheeler anymore."
"So we both headed outside only to hear my son screaming."
"We both started to run toward the screams, but I turned around and got R's truck."
"We found him at the back half of their property."
"When I got to them, R had already lifted the four-wheeler off of my son's leg, and he refused to walk on it."
"I denied taking him to the hospital because my sister was a nurse and would be able to tell if it was broken or not when she got home in a few hours."
"Another reason I didn't take him to the hospital also has to do with the fact my oldest daughter (17) recently was in the ER with a sprained ankle, and we found out we didn't have insurance."
"I figured just waiting for my sister would be fine, and if I needed to, I would take him to the hospital."
"I also pushed back our leaving date a day to hang out more with my sister."
"Our boys spoke to their mother that night, and she got mad at me for not taking him to the hospital, saying there could have been other issues I couldn't see."
"We are home now, and our son is walking perfectly fine, but my wife is still upset I never took him to the hospital."
"So am I the a**hole here?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
"YTA. I was going to mention being medically neglectful, but honestly, I don't think it needs that qualifier."
"You let a 9-year-old take off on 10 acres and didn't get him medical attention when the obvious happened."
"Fine or not, I get why your wife is mad."
"She probably questions whether she can trust you with the kids." ~ squidshj
"You don't 'wait and see' when it comes to a child's health."
"You find your kid's leg underneath an ATV. You take the kid for x-rays."
"OP was seriously irresponsible."
"Both in not getting his insurance situation fixed after the incident with his daughter and in refusing aid for his son because he was worried about paying the hospital fees that would have been covered had he not let his insurance lapse in the first place." ~ ScifiGirl1986
"Not even medically neglectful but just downright neglectful! 4 wheelers are notoriously dangerous because of their propensity for flipping, and leaving a 9-year-old to their own devices was a time bomb of danger."
"OP's son could have easily been impaled under a water source and drowned as he sat watching tv- only the in-law was noticing the sound of the machine stopping."
"Also, WHY EVEN put your son in harm's way by allowing this activity knowing your family was medically uninsured?!"
"YTA, I'd be pissed if I was your wife, or your son, in this situation."
"Just completely boneheaded and dimwitted on OP's part and that poor child, being left in pain due to their father's short-sightedness and utter disregard for safety." ~ Which_Translator_548
"There is no legal or moral option for simply saying 'No thank you!' for your kid's medical care."
"Not getting insurance from the marketplace is making a gamble that the price of out-of-pocket medical care will be less than the monthly prices for a plan."
"You can't just 'opt-out' of having to do any medical care for your kids."
"If you have the money to take a week-long vacation to your brother's house and bring your own helmets to go ATV-ing, then you can pay for a family marketplace health insurance plan." ~ odubik
"Seriously! I got to 'R and I went inside to watch tv' and had to reread that I hadn't missed the initialing of the other son."
"One of those two should have at least been outside monitoring this stupidity, but nah, let's just hope we hear the running of the 4-wheeler."
"But that seems suspect because even if they have super good hearing, 10 acres is definitely plenty of room for that thing to go and likely not be heard."
"It was TA from that point and then plummeted further and further into insanity from there." ~ SruthanArCu
"Not only that."
"My mum was an ex-nurse."
"When I was 6 I broke my arm."
"She and my nan checked my arm, confidently said it wasn't broken so I could wiggle my fingers, and refused to take me to the hospital."
"It's only because I b*tched for literally 5 hours she finally took me, got me x rayed confidently huffing about how useless it was."
"Just to be told I had, in fact, broken my arm."
"In her defense, she was EXCEEDINGLY apologetic after that and worked hard to not repeat the mistake." ~ ThatFatGuyMJL
"He didn't want to take him to the hospital because he didn't want to tell the medical staff that he wasn't out supervising a nine-year-old on a four-wheeler and have them involve C[hild] P[rotective] S[ervices]."
"He stayed an extra day at his relative's house so he wouldn't have to face his wife."
"He's not just YTA. He's a coward and a bad parent."
"And I bet this isn't the first time." ~ UnicornBoned
"This is just what I was about to say."
"And I am sure sister really appreciated that responsibility also."
"I'm an R[egistered] N[urse] and the amount of times people have contacted me for help/advice when they should have gone to the hospital is ridiculous."
"My standard reply is to go to the doctor/hospital."
"Nurses are under enough pressure at work."
"We don't want to incorrectly diagnose something (which we shouldn't do anyway) and have that on our conscience." ~ Sheilatried
"Jesus YTA."
"This isn't 'my boy tripped and his ankle is a tad swollen' this is 'a 4 wheeler crashed and ended up on top of my kid' that should be 'get them the f**k to the ER' territory."
"He could've had internal bleeding, among a million other things wrong that a few hours wait could've made deadly."
"Which do you prefer, risking money, or your kid's life?" ~ P-Two
"Monumentally bad parenting decisions, and you decide to post about it on Reddit."
"Throw in an 18-year age gap between you and your wife and the fact that you had a child at 50?"
"I am 100% sure this never actually happened."
"But let's examine this from a different view."
"You're at work."
"A heavy piece of equipment falls on your leg."
"It is bleeding, hurts and you can't stand on it."
"Your boss says 'Oh, just hang out and wait, the nurse can come look at it in a few hours.'"
"Would you be fine with that approach? YTA." ~ mdthomas
"YTA. Why is one of the reasons you won't take your kids to get medical attention because YOU dropped the ball with insurance big time."
"If your kid suffering for potentially hours is something your okay with when you could take them to get help I don't know why you had kids in the first place." ~ SnowGlowss
"YTA. There could have been other issues, and there is definitely some poor judgment being exercised."
"At the same time, it's a sad reality that in the United States--one of the wealthiest countries in the world--a visit to the emergency room can bankrupt a family." ~ GopherDog22
"My older sister fell down a hill and hurt her leg."
"We had to call an ambulance for her."
"Paramedics came and put her in the ambulance."
"One of the paramedics was my godfather, and he literally told my mother that my sister was faking it."
"They had to put bars into her ankle, and she has had two operations since."
"People aren't X-ray machines. Your sister can't know if it's broken or not without an X-ray."
"Of course YTA." ~ Ashamed_Pumpkin3
"YTA. You don't have insurance, so you didn't want to have to pay for your son to be seen at the ER in case it was nothing."
"Your first thought was finances."
"I thought I had a broken leg and was taken to the ER."
"They saw me within 15 minutes because the hospital staff determined it was an emergency."
"Turns out it wasn't broken, but the hospital determined it was an emergency."
"The keywords are 'the hospital determined it was an emergency' when they weren't sure until after I got an x-ray done."
"So somehow your son didn't get the same urgency from you, the father."
"YTA... also because it seems like the world revolves around you."
"Extend the trip."
"Don't take the kid to the hospital because you don't have insurance and because you decided, with no medical training, it can wait for your nurse sister to return hours later." ~ archetyping101
Well, OP, Reddit is not happy with your actions.
They seem to be siding with your wife.
The aftermaths of accidents are dangerous to play around with.
Maybe next time just bite the insurance bullet.
Better safe than sorry.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp